TITLE: It's That Easy
AUTHOR: aRcaDIaNFall$
FEEDBACK: arcadianfalls@yahoo.com.au
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: vague for Lazarus, Christmas Carol & Emily. Set about season
7, pre-Requiem
CLASSIFICATION: S R A 
SUMMARY: Mulder talks Scully into attending her niece's christening. 
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've been wanting to bring the Scully clan into a fic
for a while. I know this plot has been done to death but the cliché
opportunities it opened up were too much to resist. *g* I hope my own
spin on it makes it original enough.
--> http://www.geocities.com/arcadianfalls/


It's That Easy
by aRcaDIaNFall$


I didn't realise he was even in the office until he spoke. "Who owns
the kid?"

I didn't turn around right away, though he'd taken me by surprise.
Instead, I let my gaze linger on the photograph in my hands, the
wrinkled red face of a newborn. "Bill and Tara. She's my niece.
Alexandra Margaret." I swivelled around slowly in my chair to face him,
offering the picture for inspection. He took it, gazing at it with a
curious interest. I was a little surprised; I'd expected only a cursory
glance. 

"You didn't tell me they had another."

"Didn't I? I'd lost track. I didn't think she was due for another
couple of weeks." Still watching him, I sighed, oddly depressed by the
way he seemed absorbed by the photo. A dismissive glance would have
made me feel far better. "Bill suggested maybe I should take some time
off and go visit."

"Right away?"

I nodded, trying to snap out of the self-pity.

"You're not going?"

"And face Bill alone? You've got to be kidding me. If Mom was going to
be there, maybe, but one of my great aunts just had a stroke, and Mom's
gone to be with her."

"You're telling me that after everything we've faced you're scared to
deal with your own brother? Scully, you don't have a cowardly bone in
your body."

I smiled. "I'm not scared to deal with him, Mulder. It's just easier if
I avoid it. Every time I see him it's the same. He tries to sort my
life out for me and we argue and we gets offended that I won't listen
to him. It's not worth it."

He waggled the photo. "Not even for this?"

"It's probably easier to avoid that, too."

He seemed to understand the sorrow behind my quiet, controlled answer.
He held the photo out to me and I slipped it back in the envelope, glad
for the distraction. When I turned back he was pacing, his sleeves
pushed up.

He stopped, arms folded, and looked at me. "How about if I go with you?
We'll make a trip of it, see some sights. It would give your brother
somebody else to bully."

Touched as I was by the gesture, I knew what would happen. "Mulder, I
don't want the two of you in the same state, let alone the same room.
It's best if neither of us goes."

"You sure?"

I nodded, resolved. "We've got too much work at the moment, anyway."

He gazed at me, reading me. He nodded. "Okay."




Another letter and photo, three months later. This time an invitation
to Alexandra's christening, with a handwritten note from Tara pleading
for me to come visit. I pushed it aside, not wanting to deal with it
right there and then. 

Mulder and I were away for most of the next week. It was Friday
afternoon by the time we got back to the office and Mulder played our
messages. My brother's voice filled the room. "Dana, it's me. Mom said
you're away with work and she didn't know if you were coming for the
christening. Tara wants to know whether we need to fix up a room for
you or not. Call me."

"Wednesday, six fifty-one pm," the machine announced. It beeped and
went onto the next message. I glanced up at Mulder but he'd grabbed a
pen and started scrawling down the series of dates and times being read
aloud. 

That message finished, the machine beeped, and the tape rewound. Mulder
capped his pen and tossed it down on his desk, then reached for the
machine. "Delete?"

I nodded assent, watching as he jabbed the buttons and then went to sit
down at his desk. He picked up the pen again but instead of writing, he
tapped it against the notepad, looking up at me. "You going this time?"

"To the christening? I don't know. It's probably too late, now."

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Shouldn't be too hard to get a flight in the morning. You should go,
Scully. Go see your brother."

"Mulder, we just got home."

Clearly not a convincing enough answer to deter him. "You're not still
worried about facing big brother, are you? Your mom's going this time,
right? I'm sure she's capable of handling the quarrelling siblings."

I had pretty much made up my mind against going and was a little
annoyed that he was trying to change it. "Why are you pushing so hard
for me to go?"

"They're your family, Scully. You don't see them enough."

He was right. Bill and I had always fought, both of us stubborn and
opinionated, but he was my brother, and I loved him.
"Come with me," I said suddenly, wanting this tower of strength beside
me. "I'll go, if you come with me."

"What happened to not wanting me and Bill in the same state?"

"I'll make him behave. Like you said last time, we'll make a trip of
it."

"You don't really need me, if your mom's going to be there.."

"I want you there, Mulder."

He nodded, looking a little puzzled, a little curious. I sighed,
relieved that the decision had been made, but still apprehensive of
what lay ahead. I didn't want to see Mulder hurt by Bill's stinging
comments. I hated how Mulder just took it all, not fighting back but
accepting responsibility, bearing the brunt of my brother's anger. He
didn't deserve it.

"Whatever happens," I told him quietly, my even gaze meeting his,
"Don't think that you can't fight back. I wouldn't want my life to be
anywhere else but with you. You know that. Don't let him try to
convince you otherwise."

He nodded, then turned his face away. He tossed a spongy rubber
baseball against the wall, caught it, tossed it again.

I sighed, wondering if it was an wise idea. But he was right, it had
been too long since I'd seen Bill and his family. I should go. And I
wanted Mulder there, not in defiance to Bill but because I cared about
him and I wanted him beside me. The rest of the family had their wives
and husbands. I had Mulder.

"I'll book our flights, then call Bill to let him know what's
happening."

Thud. Thud. The ball hitting the wall was Mulder's only response.

I drew the phone on Mulder's desk toward me and dialled.


*  *  *  *  * 


He was quiet during the flight, moody and unresponsive. We hired a car
from the airport and he drove. I'd been planning to go by Bill and
Tara's place first to change but our flight had been delayed and we
were running late. We went straight to the church.

It was a nice church, a fairly modern structure with a soaring white
steeple. It was surrounded by both sides with weeping willows, and
there was neatly mown lawn on either side of a cobbled path. I
recognised Bill's car parked out front among half a dozen others. 

Mulder stepped out of the car, gazing around. It was a bright day, the
sky clear blue and cloudless. I could smell fresh grass. It was a
beautiful day, and I only wished that Mulder and I could be somewhere
else to enjoy it.

He looked at me, his arms folded across the top of the car. "You going
in?"

"You're coming in too, aren't you?"

He shook his head. "Not my thing."

"It won't be too Catholic, if that's what you're worried about. Tara's
not Catholic. It should only take ten or fifteen minutes at most.
Mulder, please?" I could hear organ music playing inside. "It's already
started."

He shrugged, then nodded. We slammed our door shut and he turned the
key in the lock.

He followed me inside. It was simply furnished but beautiful, afternoon
sunlight streaming through the stained-glass windows, dappling the
carved wooden pews, illuminating the dust as it swirled in the air. The
first three or four pews on both sides at the front were filled. I
could see Tara and Bill at the front on the left, and Mom in the row
behind them. Matty was bounding around in the aisle and let out a
shriek of delight when he saw me, racing up the aisle toward me.
The priest at the front fell silent, and every eye fell on Mulder and
I.

I smiled tightly, feeling my face burn with embarrassment. Bill scowled
when he saw Mulder. Tara and Mom both smiled warmly. 
Matty threw himself at my legs. I picked him up, hushing him as he
started telling me about a new toy car he'd been given that morning. I
was Aunty Dana, and Aunty Dana usually arrived with toys. No wonder he
was excited to see me. 

All eyes gradually returned to the front. I let Matty down and he ran
back to his parents at the front of the church. I looked up to find
that Mom was still watching us. She nodded, slightly. I'm glad you
came.

We slipped into a pew at the back of the crowd. As I'd promised Mulder,
it was only short; the whole thing barely took ten minutes. It was over
and everybody was moving forward to congratulate Bill and Tara. I
turned to Mulder, not really knowing what to say. Impulsively, I took
his hand and squeezed it warmly.

Mom weaved her way through the crowd toward us. I gave Mulder's hand
another quick squeeze before releasing it to hug Mom. Both actions
filled me with a warmth, a reassurance. I had the two most important
people in my life right there with me, I realised. 

"It's good to see you here, Fox." Mom smiled at him, that impish,
knowing smile. He returned her smile with a boyish grin of his own. 

"Hi, Mrs Scully."

I felt a surge of warm affection for him, loving the way he responded
to Mom, with that sheepish, pleased smile. I touched his arm lightly
and then slipped my hand into his again, swallowed up in the warm, worn
skin. Thank you for being here, Mulder.



Everybody was going back to Bill and Tara's for coffee and cake. We
were amongst the last to arrive, and I was relieved to see that it was
Tara, not Bill, at the door, baby Alexandra in her arms, to greet us. 
"I'm so came you came, Dana." She squeezed my hand. "It feels like
forever since we saw you. I was worried you weren't going to turn up at
all." She looked to Mulder, her sunny smile unbroken. "It's Mulder,
isn't it? I'm so glad Dana brought you along."

We were saved from further small talk by another car pulling up out
front. We squeezed into the living room and stood side by side in the
doorway. 

There were about thirty adults in the two rooms, and several young kids
chasing each other through the crowd. I thought with sudden longing of
our quiet office, our private space.

Mom was by the window and waved us over. Seeing Bill emerge from the
kitchen, I willingly crossed the room to her, Mulder tagging behind.
'Dana's partner, Fox,' was how Mom introduced Mulder to Colonel
Williams and his wife, longstanding friends of my parents. Funny, to
know that all the people in this room must see my brother more often
than I did. 

Mulder seemed more comfortable than I felt during the next hour or so.
Mom had adroitly taken us both under her wing, keeping us out of Bill's
way, keeping the conversation on subjects she knew Mulder liked, mostly
sports. It couldn't be avoided forever, though.

"Dana?" Bill touched my arm. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

I glanced at Mulder, then at Mom. It's okay, I can handle it.

"Sure."


Tara and another blonde woman I recognised as her younger sister were
in the kitchen, organising coffee cups and fingerfood. 

"Oh, hi again, Dana!" Tara said brightly. "You remember Ellie, don't
you? Oh look, the kettle's boiling over, I must have put too much water
-"

"I'll take care of it," Bill said quickly. "You and Ellie go feed the
masses."

Tara caught her husband's eye and nodded, not missing a beat. "Sure,
hon."

I dropped my gaze to the kitchen floor, waiting until the door had
swung shut after the sisters. I sighed, not wanting to argue. "Please
don't give me a hard time over this."

"Why'd you have to bring him here, Dana?"

"It was a last minute decision." 

"Well, we don't have room for him."

I looked him in the eye defiantly. "Then we'll find a motel."

"Dana! You know I won't hear the end of it from Mom if that happens, or
Tara."

"Then he can share my room," I said stubbornly. "I don't mind."

His anger flared up. "Is that what's going on here? You're sleeping
with him and flaunting it in my face?"

I turned away, too angry to answer him. Why did he assume the worst of
it? It didn't just anger me, it hurt me, too. This was the older
brother whose approval I had always sought. He'd been man around the
house when Dad was away, he'd taken on that responsibility since I
could remember. I admired him, and to be disapproved of stung.

"I don't want to argue, Bill," I said shortly. "You and Tara asked me
here. I wasn't going to come but Mulder talked me into it. If you won't
have him here, then I won't stay either."

"You're sounding like a little kid, Dana." He turned away, then turned
back as he burst out, "You know how I feel about him!"

I shook my head in surrender. I didn't want to stay in this house, not
when it meant having to suffer Bill's disapproval. "Just forget we
came. We're flying back home tomorrow, anyway. We'll go to a motel
tonight. Happy?"

"You've got to give him up, Dana. For your own sake. You've got to get
on with your life."

I set my lips. "You know what my answer is." 

"Yeah. Same as always." He broke his stare and shrugged. "You know
what? I don't care. Stay here, both of you. Stay on the path to
nowhere."

He left, the door swinging crazily after him. I sighed heavily, tired
by the confrontation. It had been nothing less than what I'd expected,
but still I felt unjustly treated. God, he was so thick! So stubborn,
refusing to trust my judgement, even Mom's judgement, Tara's. No
compassion. He just didn't understand.

Mom was in only a few seconds later. She didn't say anything, just
stood, waiting.

I shook my head. "I'm fine, Mom."

"Are you staying here tonight?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"I hope you do, Dana. Your brother just needed to blow off some steam."

"I shouldn't have brought Mulder here. I knew that this would happen."

"But you brought him anyway. You love him, Dana, and he loves you. He
has every right to be here."

"We're not sleeping together, Mom."

"I didn't say you were." 

I smiled, only wishing that Bill could be half as perceptive as Mom
was.

"Stay here, both of you. For my sake, if nothing else."

I nodded reluctant agreement, wondering what I'd let myself in for. If
only Bill could stop being so stubbornly self-righteous, so blindly
protective of me. If only...

Mom headed to the door but I stopped her with a question. "Would Dad
have approved of him?"

She knew I was referring to Mulder, not Bill. She half-smiled. "I don't
know if your father wound have found anybody good enough for his little
girl." 

"He never liked Jack."

"Jack Willis was too old for you. Besides, Daddy still hadn't forgiven
you for giving up medicine."

"I disappointed him. He didn't like my joining the bureau, either."

"He would have gotten over it. He would have been proud of you, Dana."

"And Mulder?"

"He loves you with every fibre of his being." She smiled. "Your father
couldn't help but approve." She touched me on the shoulder. "Come on, I
left Fox out there with Uncle Roger."


*  *  *  *  * 


And so we stayed. Most of the guests were gone by five, but there was a
big enough crowd staying for dinner that I didn't feel so unhappily out
of place.
Mulder seemed to have found a friend in Tara's brother, James, as well
as three-year-old Matty, who had adopted Mulder as another uncle and
kept climbing up onto his lap with another piece of news to share.
There were ten of us around the elongated table, and Tara had
discreetly put Mulder and Bill as furthest away from each other as
possible. I had Mulder on my left and Ellie on my right, and Mom
opposite. Several times during the meal I saw Bill glance angrily in
our direction, and Mom freezing him with a warning look. Nobody else
seemed aware of the antagonism. 

The jug of iced water had been emptied. Tara had gone to tend to baby
Ally, so I took the jug into the kitchen to refill it. On the way back
I paused.
I could see Mulder quite clearly from where I stood, but he was unaware
of my gaze. He and James were talking baseball, and Mulder was enjoying
himself, possessed with a sort of friendly boyish enthusiasm that
Bill's anger couldn't touch. He was in the trousers and dark,
open-necked shirt he'd worn all day, no tie. Nicely dressed, smiling as
he passed the potato salad, chuckling as Matty tried to pull him away
to play. That warm, possessive affection I'd felt for him earlier in
the day surged up again. I'd always known he was attractive, I'd seen
it since the beginning. But it was more than that, now. I wanted him.
Just as suddenly and just as badly as I'd fallen for Samuel Jacobs in
my chemistry class in eleventh grade, I fell for Mulder, Mulder who in
every other way was already the love of my life.
I stood there, water jug in my hands forgotten, that crazy rush of
hormones sending all logical thoughts from my head. I shook myself,
moving toward the table. Mulder cleared a space for the jug and I laid
it down. "Thanks," I said, but I hesitated before slipping into my
seat. I put my hand on his shoulder, just lightly. He glanced up at me,
worry crossing his face. Was something wrong? Was I okay? I gave him a
small smile, not really knowing how to explain - or deal with, for that
matter - the possessive desire that had come over me. 

I rubbed his shoulder blade gently with my thumb and he reached up,
clasping his hand over mine and squeezing it tightly. I withdrew my
hand and sat. He gave me a curious glance, but then went back to his
conversation.

Mom was gazing at me across the table. You did that on purpose, her
shrewd gaze said. Why?

I just shrugged and looked away. Mom understood the love Mulder and I
had for each other, but no child, even when grown into an adult, could
really feel comfortable discussing lust with their mother. And that was
what it was, I admitted to myself. 

Mulder's conversation with James had begun to dwindle and Mom quickly
jumped in, asking Mulder and I to relate some of the more interesting
cases we'd come across. I was content to let Mulder do most of the
talking, although we argued almost every other point. It was wonderful
fun, the back and forth banter we had, correcting each other with our
own version of the event. I felt immune to Bill's disapproval soon
enough, too. 

The meal finished and I helped Tara and Ellie clear the table and do
the washing up. Mom had stayed with the others, maybe seeing that there
were enough of us in the kitchen, but more importantly, I thought,
because she didn't want to leave Mulder unprotected.

Neither Tara or Ellie mentioned Mulder or Bill as we scrubbed, rinsed
and dried. Instead, the conversation kept to small talk, about the
weather, the latest White House scandal, little Matthew's favourite
antics. They were both quick workers, and I was glad for it, itching to
get back to Mulder's side. Did the man have any idea, I wondered, how
badly I wanted to touch him?

Everybody had moved to the living room when we returned, grouped
together as they talked. Mulder was sitting on the floor at one end of
the room with Matty, watching with earnest absorption as the little boy
explained how his remote control car worked.

"Having fun there?" I asked affectionately, amused by the sight. 

He looked up at me with a wide smile. "Hey, Scully."

I sat beside them, my legs folded under me. I was close to Mulder, very
close, and it was fully intentional. I wriggled a little closer so that
our thighs were touching and I lay my hand casually on his knee as I
leaned forward. "I like your car, Matty. Who gave that to you?"

"Nanna did." He grinned at me and I smiled back. 

"Yeah? Show me how it works."

It was more than a minute of feigning interest in Matthew's toy before
I dared to look at Mulder. He was gazing down at the hand with a sort
of wary curiosity on his face. He lifted his angular face to look at
me, and his eyes were burning with dark wonder.

It seemed like fate at that moment, though looking back I could see it
was completely the wrong timing. But all I knew was that I loved him
and I couldn't wait any longer to be kissed by him.
I lifted my hand from his knee and with both hands cupped his jaw,
kissing him. He resisted at first, almost pulling away, but I wouldn't
let him go and he started to respond, those beautiful full lips, that
warm, tender mouth. My senses were still swimming after he pulled away,
getting to his feet. 

"Mr Fox!" Matty cried, running after as Mulder abruptly left the room.
I looked around, flushing as I realised everybody might have seen the
whole thing, but they were all involved in their own discussions, and
had only spared a glance in our direction because of Matthew's loud
protest.

How long had it lasted? I wondered, my mind still reeling. Not long
enough for Matty to notice anything was going on, I guessed. Four, five
seconds? More? Less? I had no idea. I didn't know, either, why Mulder
had left. Oh, God. Had I done something wrong?

I found Matty standing in the front hall, sniffling. Mulder had gone
outside, but Matty couldn't reach the doorknob to follow him.
 
I swung my nephew up, murmuring soothing words, my heart aching at the
warm weight of him on my hip. Bill's wrath had only been an excuse to
avoid this trip. I'd known that all along. It was being taunted by
these happy families, feeling that terrible, endless ache inside of me
- that was what I dreaded most. That was why I'd wanted Mulder here,
because he understood that, because he was the one I wanted there when
I cried. I wanted to pretend that I could be ordinary again, and to
show them that I had somebody, too. 

I carried Matty through the living room, passing him to Tara, leaving
his tears to her. I went back to the front door and eased it open,
slipping through.

He was standing by the car with his back to me, resting his elbows on
the roof. 

"Mulder?"

He turned to face me but didn't speak. I didn't know what to say, and
this seemed to be the one time that silent communication just wouldn't
cut it.

"I'm sorry," I said helplessly. "I don't know what I did wrong." Was it
the kiss? I knew without question that Mulder returned my feelings, not
just within the bonds of friendship but also the physical attraction.
It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to kiss me. Was it just the timing?

He sat on the curb and gestured for me to join him. I sat, my heart
starting to pound.

"In there," he muttered, "we're surrounded by your brother and his wife
and then three other couples. You don't want to be left out. You see
them being intimate and you want that for yourself. It's human desire,
Scully. Instinct. You yearn for the physical intimacy of a
relationship."

"What's wrong with that?" I asked softly.

"I don't want to be used, Scully. I don't want us to be just about the
physical attraction when you get the urge."

"That's not what's happened tonight, Mulder."

"That's what it's felt like."

"I'm sorry," I said again. I felt terrible for causing him this pain.
But did he really think I would treat him so badly as to get his hopes
up without following through, that I would push the boundaries of our
relationship if I didn't mean it? I sighed, tired. "Maybe I just want
what I can't have."

"Who says you can't have me? Scully, you know how I feel about you. I
can't pretend I'm not sick of trying to hide it. But I don't know
what's going on here. I don't know why you wanted me here."

"Because I did," I answered simply. "I wanted you with me. Maybe it was
because I didn't want to be alone, because I needed somebody who
understands how much it hurts me to see these people with their kids,
but you were the one I chose, Mulder. You understand. And the same goes
for my behaviour tonight. I might have acted for the wrong reasons but
what it boils down to is that I want you. I'm not making a mistake when
I say that." I gestured to the house behind us. "Everybody in there,
Mulder, they've got somebody who they want to be with for the rest of
their lives. You and me, we're just like the rest of them. It doesn't
have to be any more complicated than that."

He was silence and I glanced across at him. The angle of his jaw, the
shadows caused by the moonlight, his dark, burning eyes... I had to bite
my lip to stop from crying out. He was beautiful, inside and out. I
wanted so badly for him to know that.

I sighed shakily, wrapping my arms around my knees, feeling my throat
tighten. "I ache inside, Mulder," I said hollowly. "I go crazy,
sometimes, because I want your love so badly."

His hand was on my knee, rubbing gently. A touch far more familiar than
those that had passed during the evening.
"I'm only a phone call away."

"It's not that easy."

"You just said that it was."

I half-smiled, and burrowed against him as he wrapped his arm around my
shoulders.

"Why did you come along, Mulder?" I wondered aloud. "You knew Bill
would hate it."

"I saw the look on your face when you held that photograph."

"What photograph?"

"The one Bill sent you of your niece. Months ago. Your expression.. I
couldn't get it out of my head for weeks. I knew all along that was
what troubled you, the thought of seeing your brother with his family,
something you can't ever have. I knew that was why you needed me here."

"You said you didn't know what I wanted you here for."

"Need's different to want. We've needed each other for a long time,
Scully. The want... It's just been creeping up on us for a while, I
guess."

His arm was still around me, protecting, comforting, and above all,
understanding. I slipped my arms around, resting my head against his
chest with a silent sigh. "There's so much I want, Mulder," I murmured.
"I want kids, and to know that they're safe, and that you and I are
safe. I want to hold a baby in my arms, and I want to go to parks and
ballgames and do all those things that normal people do. But there's
only one thing that I really need."

Arms still around me, he was gently stroking up and down my left side.
"You've got me already, Scully." He kissed my forehead, but then eased
me off him, standing and giving me a hand-up. We stood, facing each
other, my hand in his firm grip. I could have kissed him again, but I
didn't. I was tired from the exhausting day, we both were. Tonight
wouldn't be *the* night, but it would be a beautiful one, because he'd
hold me warmly in his arms and understand if I went still and quiet
every time we heard the baby cry.

I thought about the goofy, endearing grin as he'd watched Matty
playing. I wasn't the only one who wanted a hold my own child in my
arms. We were in this together, for better or for worse.

I slipped my hand in his and he squeezed it tightly. I smiled, almost
overwhelmingly grateful. Thanks for being here, Mulder.

He squeezed my hand again, brushing against me as we walked closely
back toward the house. You're welcome.

It's that easy.


fin.



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