TITLE:  The Genesis Project XIV
AUTHOR:  aRcaDIaNFall$
FEEDBACK: arcadianfalls@yahoo.com.au
RATING:  PG-13
SPOILERS: none specific, but for past TGP installments, esp. TGP13
CLASSIFICATION: SR, M&S married, kidfic, alternate universe
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hugest apologiest for taking so long to finish this, I
know it's been a long time for those of you still waiting. Apologies
also for my ignorance of American geography - in general, I've opted
for vagueness over inaccuracy.
---> up soon at http://www.geocities.coom/arcadianfalls/


The Genesis Project XIV
by aRcaDIaNFall$

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

It was late, the lamplight throwing long shadows across the room. A
careful grip on the bundle against my shoulder, I stooped to switch off
the lamp, the room falling into darkness. The apartment was quiet, only
the dull humming of the refridgerator, the churning dishwasher, the
muffled traffic outside, and Hannah's steady breathing. 

I checked in on Astrid and Erin, both of them sleeping soundly, both
snoring. Erin had dragged her pillow and blanket to the floor beside
her bed and was curled around her well-worn stuffed monkey. She didn't
like sleeping in the lower bunk. Something to do with Astrid's limbs
often hanging over the side as she slept, maybe.

Josh was still awake, reading. He sensed someone there and looked up,
startled. Relaxing a little when he saw it was only me, he didn't
smile. 

"It's late, buddy."

He nodded.

"Lights out soon?"

Another nod.

"'Night, Josh."

"Goodnight, Daddy."


I put Hannah down in the crib, just watching her for a moment as she
slept. A different baby from the one Erin had been. Erin was lively and
open, like Astrid. Hannah was more like Josh, quiet and watchful.
Still, she had that same intense curiosity Erin had displayed from such
a young age, that fascination with everything happening around her. 


Scully was in bed, up against the pillows, engrossed in a medical
journal. 

I climbed onto the bed on my knees, tugging at the page as she turned
it. "It's almost midnight."

"I know," she answered, eyes not leaving the page. "I was waiting up
for you."

"I'm here now."

"Mmm-huh."

"Scully?"

"Almost done."

I sat back on my heels, waiting, watching as she read, her brow
furrowed in concentration. She closed the journal, reaching to put it
on the bedside table, and only then, as she let out a sigh, did she
look at me. "Josh didn't speak a word tonight." 

"I know."

We'd been to a fundraising trivia night at the kids' school, and only
got home an hour ago. Between Scully and I, the kids, and Jacqueline
and Aaron Harrison, there had been less than half a dozen answers all
night we hadn't known. But even the hamper full of book vouchers,
encyclopedias on CDs and brain teaser games we'd won as first prize had
failed to elict even a small smile from Josh.

"Maybe we shouldn't have made him go," she suggested, uncertain.

"And leave him alone here?"

"Maybe none of us should have gone."

"We can't stay home the rest of our lives. That won't help him."

"I know that."

I pulled back the covers, climbing in. She wriggled closer to me,
tugging my arms around her. Only when we were closely spooned did I
feel her relax. She let out a sigh. "I'm tired."

"Me too."

"I don't think it's getting any better, Mulder."

I knew she was talking about Josh. What else could it be?
"Maybe he just needs some more time."

"He's had two weeks. I try to talk to him but he just freezes up. I
feel like we should have done more. I'm afraid maybe we've given him
too much space, that he needed us to be more supportive, somehow."

It had been a difficult medium to reach. We'd wanted so badly to be
there for him every second, reassuring him, protecting him, comforting
him. But we'd known that Josh needed space, too. He needed peace to
struggle through the problem in his own mind, to wrestle with his
guilt. He was weighed down by it, still. Scully had tried taking him
along to confession but he'd refused, white-lipped. Maybe he knew that
no priest could ease that burden, nobody could act as a mediator
between himself and God.

"I'll try to talk to him," I promised her, though I wasn't optimistic
about getting results. "Try to get to sleep now, huh?" Hannah would
want a feed in a couple of hours. Between the four kids and work, we
weren't getting much time by ourselves, let alone together. But
precious as these moments together were, sleep was still a higher
priority. 

She sighed again, pulling my arms tighter around her. "Yeah. Okay."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Grandma took us out to the zoo on Sunday afternoon, then back to her
place for dinner. I knew why - it was to give Mommy and Daddy some time
by themselves, but I thought it was still a bit unfair. Weekends was
the only time we really got to be with Daddy. I missed him. It would
have been better if we'd gone somewhere with him and Mommy instead of
Grandma.

Not that I didn't like being with Grandma. I mean, she was strict about
things sometimes, and she didn't let us do as much for Erin and Hannah
as Mommy and Daddy did, but she always seemed happy to see us. You
could tell they'd told her about what had happened with Josh, though,
because she just looked so worried the whole time, and kept trying to
encourage him and talk to him and put him first. 

I think that was why we went to the zoo - because it was one of
Joshie's favourite places. Still, we were only there for a couple of
hours and then Hannah started crying and wouldn't stop, and Erin
started whining because we were all focusing on getting Hannah quiet.
Josh just stood there, hugging himself tightly, looking miserable. I
felt sorry for him but annoyed, too. 

Back at Grandma's house I helped her make dinner. I didn't normally
volunteer for that sort of thing, but Hannah and Erin were both napping
and I didn't want to just sit down and watch TV with Josh.

I always felt strange around Grandma. It always seemed like she didn't
really know how to treat us, that she knew we were different. Mommy and
Daddy loved us and treated us like we were real. That we'd been made
differently didn't affect how they looked at us. But Grandma didn't
really understand us. I think maybe she was even a little scared of us,
as if we were robots or aliens or something, not real, as if she
couldn't quite trust us not to just suddenly go crazy. That was the one
thing I hated about her, especially since she didn't feel that way
about Erin or Hannah. She loved them both so completely, especially
Erin.

Grandma passed me the bottle of formula to heat, watching me as I put
it in the microwave and punched the buttons. "So what do you think of
high school, Astrid?"

I shrugged. "Pretty good, I guess." She was trying to make conversation
but I couldn't tell her the truth like I did Mommy or Daddy, that
everybody was horrible and I hated it. 

"Are you getting much homework?"

"Not much."

I felt a bit guilty for my short answers. I didn't want to sound nasty,
like I didn't want to talk to her, I just couldn't think of much more
to say. 

"And everything's going okay at home?"

I looked across at her. She was stirring dinner in the saucepan,
looking very focused on that, but I could tell that she was waiting on
an answer. Was she worried about Mom and Daddy? Was something going
wrong? Was there some reason why they'd gotten us out of the house
today? What if they were in trouble, somehow? What if we were in
trouble? What if they were planning to do something about Joshie or me?

Grandma looked across at me, frowning a little. "Astrid?"

"Are they going to tell on Joshie?" I blurted out, panicking.

"Tell on Josh for what? For what he did to Graham?"

I nodded.

"No, Astrid, they wouldn't tell. Why would you think that?"

I just half-shrugged, shaking my head, feeling a bit silly jumping to
conclusions and getting all panicked. "Then why did you want to know if
everything was okay at home?" 
Had Mommy said something to her? Mommy was close to Grandma, I guess in
that same way I was close to Mommy. Even Daddy was close to Grandma.
Grandma had been around for a lot of the bad stuff that had happened to
them before we came along. I felt left out sometimes because of that,
because I hadn't been around back then. When they talked about Mommy's
sister or Daddy's father, I felt like I didn't really belong to them.

Grandma was still looking at me. She smiled slightly. "Because it's a
difficult job getting a straight answer out of your mother, sometimes."


Mommy didn't tell Grandma how everything was going? 

"What does she tell you?" I wondered.

"That everything's fine."

I smiled a little. Daddy always got so annoyed when Mommy told him
that.

"So, *is* everything fine?"

"It's okay, I guess." I realised my answer was too short, it wouldn't
relieve Grandma at all. "I mean," I added, "things are a bit hard with
Josh being so upset and sometimes Hannah really cries and cries, and
Daddy gets home from work too late, and ...just that sort of thing.
They don't fight or anything. Not much, at least." I heard them arguing
sometimes, but they weren't bad arguments, and they were always over
soon. 

Grandma nodded, slowly and then decisively. "Good." She switched off
the stove and lifted the saucepan. "How about you get the dinner table
set?"


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE -

The blue screen of death. Resisting the temptation to pick up the
slimline laptop and hurl it out the window, I pulled the power plug,
disconnected the network cable and pushed it firmly closed.

Heather was in reception, stocking the laser printer. She looked up,
and raised an eyebrow. "You look pissed."

I held out the laptop. This day hadn't been a great start to the week
as it was, and with these computer problems I was only just managing to
hold onto my temper. "Can you run this downstairs and get one of the
tech guys to take a look at it?"

"Sure. What's the problem with it?"

"Everything. Won't load Novell half the time, nothing's mapped, and the
database keeps crashing."

"You in a hurry?"

"I need to finish prep for the meeting at five." 

Heather glanced at her watch. I could have told her already it was
four-forty-seven.
"Right. Gotcha. You wanna use my computer out here, while I see if they
can get you a replacement? Just log out and in again, you shouldn't
have any problem."

I nodded, a little impatient. "Yeah, thanks."


Reception could get busy, but there was nobody scheduled for the
evening. I should have been keeping an eye out anyway but I was heavily
absorbed in my work, in a hurry to get it finished on time. 
I don't know how long he was waiting, leaning on the counter, before I
realised he was even there.

He was tall. Dark haired, blue-eyed, mid-twenties, maybe a little
older. He was grinning.

"Hey."

I looked at him, fingers still hovering over the keys. "I'm sorry, can
I help you?"

"Nah, just waiting. My name's Mark."

I smiled tightly. He was an attactive guy, I guess - right then I
barely noticed. My mind was still whirring along. "Listen, if you're
waiting..." I gestured to the chairs opposite. "Take a seat."

"Ah, I'm just fine standing, if it's all the same."

He talked like a cowboy but without the southern drawl. Playing games
with me? I was a little irritated. "I've got work to do."

"Sure thing."

I could feel his gaze on me as I tried to focus on the computer screen,
tried to get my mind back into gear. It was almost five. The meeting
would no doubt be delayed, anyway - Aaron's amnio appointment had been
running late, and nobody else would really object to a few more minutes
to finish up.

I gave up on the report for the moment, and instead quickly scanned
through my itinerary for the meeting. Just the usual. As long as nobody
brought anything new to the table, we'd be done by six, I could grab
Noah from daycare, and we'd be home in time for dinner with Ebony.


Heather was back. "Got you a laptop."

"Great. I need it set up in the conference room. I'm going to need
network access and the projector."

"You going to be here late? Want me to order something?"

"Nope. Coffee'd be great, though."

She nodded. "I'm on it."


He'd been watching. "Didn't anybody ever teach you to say please and
thank you?" 

I was half-way through my final, summarising sentence, and I couldn't
remember to save my life what came next. My mind had come to a dead
end. His dryly playful question was bizarre enough to catch my
attention. "What?"

"Please and thank you. You know, 'Coffee would be great, thank you.'"

"Who are you, Miss Manners?"

"Do I look like Miss Manners?"

I just shook my head, trying to get back to the report. I managed to
come up with a coherent, though far from satisfactory, ending to my
paragraph and I quickly saved and closed the file, not even checking it
for typos. I'd fix it in the meeting, if I got the chance.


"You ready to go, Jacqui?" It was Aaron. He saw Mark and nodded
acknowledgement. They knew each other. How? I didn't remember him as a
patient. A friend or relative? There was a certain resemblance. Not a
son, but that age. A nephew? 

I nodded. "Yeah, just done. You?"

"Ready when you are." He looked to Mark. "You been behaving yourself?"

Mark was grinning. "Just been having a chat with your receptionist
here."

I saw Aaron's eyebrow rise. He glanced at me, then looked back to Mark.
"She's not my receptionist," he said dryly, "She's my boss."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

"Mommeeeeeeeeee!" Erin's shriek echoed through the apartment, her
footsteps thudding as she ran down the hall. I'd asked Josh to keep her
occupied for half an hour while I did a load of laundry, but from the
red face and tears I guessed he hadn't been very succesful.

I let down the laundry and swung Erin up onto my hip, letting her wrap
her arms around my neck tightly, sobbing against me. She'd gotten so
clingy with me being home all day. How was she going to handle it when
I went back to work?

Josh was sitting on the couch, Hannah on his lap. Erin's blocks and
duplo were spread over the floor, her dumptruck right in the middle of
them all. I managed to loosen her grip on me and push aside some of the
mess to let her down. "How about you build me a tower, huh? Just out of
the red blocks. See if you can build a tall tower for me just out of
red blocks?"

The challenge of it was enough to stop her tears. We had to be more
creative these days in keeping her entertained - she was so clever, she
was forever needing not just to be occupied but to be challenged. Just
giving her toys to play with or crayons to draw with wasn't enough, and
the TV bored her within seconds. She had such an astoundingly clever,
active mind. It got tiring just trying to keep a step ahead.

Hannah was awake, dark eyes bright with fascination as Josh held the
kitchen eggtimer, just out of reach, for her to watch. The TV was
showing one of his 'Walking With Dinosaurs' videos but he didn't seem
to be paying real attention to either it or Hannah. That quiet
distance, that distraction, was a cause of growing frustration for us.
It was as if his mind was still locked away somewhere. 

"Josh? You okay with her?"

He nodded, not looking at me.

"I was thinking we could go down to the pool." The weather had been
cooler but the heat was back with a vengeance for a few last summer
days.

A shrug.

He was almost as silent as Ebony these days, but lacked that dark
sullenness. His silence was intense, awkward, almost furtive. You could
almost see the sorrow and guilt that weighed him down.

I gazed at them. He was good with Hannah. He was trying, even though it
was obviously a huge effort for him. And Hannah adored him. In that
same way that Erin had always been calm and safe in his arms, so Hannah
seemed to have put her faith in him.

I sighed, crouching down before him. "Josh?" 

He looked at me, eyes growing wide with fear, dark in his white face.
He was so pale these days. Not just the lack of sunlight, though that
didn't help. He hadn't been to school since the night he'd gone to give
himself up. Saturday night was the first time he'd even left the
apartment. We had to try and draw him back into the world, a little at
a time. 

"We just want to help, Josh." That same silent prayer. Please God, just
make this better. 

He just stared at me, that weary watchfulness. I sighed again, then
pushed myself upright, holding my arms out silently to take Hannah from
him. I strapped her into the bouncer next to where Erin was building on
the floor and then sat down on the couch beside Josh, tugging him onto
my lap. He resisted at first, but only a little before letting me hold
him closely, rocking him a little though there were no tears to soothe.

What could we say to him? We knew what he had done, we understood why
he had done it. Stunned as we were by his action, we loved him all the
more for the unflinching loyalty he had shown, the sacrifice he had
made. But how could we get inside that brain of his? It was boundless,
not just the breadth and width of his knowledge but the depth of his
mind. He was so painfully brilliant. It was an enormous burden on him,
and we couldn't even begin to think of how to help. We couldn't put him
in therapy - the strain of deciding which secrets to keep would only
make things more difficult now. But we needed to do something. 


"It's going to be fine, Josh," I whispered to him. It was all I could
think to say. "Everything's going to be fine. You're not going to lose
us."

He didn't cry, but I didn't really expect it. He was just silent and
still. I didn't know if my action was any comfort to him, or if it only
made things more difficult. He was as unreadable as he had always been.
But I held out that tiny sliver of hope that I was making a difference,
and I didn't let him go, I just held him, praying silently that it
would all be better.

I sighed. "What do you say we go to the pool, Josh?" I asked gently.
Outside, in the fresh air and the warm, baking sun. I was desperate to
escape the apartment with its brooding stillness even Erin's giggles
couldn't break.

He didn't lift his head and his response was muffled. "Astrid will be
mad if she misses out."

Astrid was always in a bad mood these days, anyway. She'd started
attending a few classes at the high school on Tuesdays and Thursdays -
physics, chemistry, english, history and math. The longer days and
alien environment were taking a toll on her and she was frequently
tired and grumpy, discouraged by the different environment and in
making friends with teens almost twice her age. Intellectually, she
could get into college. Emotionally, she still had a long way to go.

"She'll be tired after school. How about we go now, then we can pick
her up on the way home, save her the bus trip? We'll stop for
ice-cream. She'll like that."

"She'll be mad," he repeated, still huddled. 

I nodded, not wanting to push him. "Okay. We'll go later."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Mommy picked me up at the high school and said we were going to the
pool. Joshie was in the front seat but I didn't argue about it, just
sat in the back next to Erin, who was in the middle. 

I didn't want to go to the stupid pool but we went anyway. Mommy had
packed the wrong swimming costume for me and my old, scratchy beach
towel. Erin was all silly and excited to be there, and she kept
grabbing my hand and saying "We go swim now, Ted. We go swim now." I
kept trying to shake her off, telling her I didn't want to swim, I was
tired. I was in a bad mood, but she wouldn't understand that.

Joshie was doing laps, and Mommy was going to take Erin into the baby
pool. I got left with Hannah. 

It wasn't much of the time that I got left alone with Hannah. They used
to leave me and Joshie with Erin all the time, but nowdays Mommy was
home full-time and they didn't need us. Well, they didn't need me,
anyway. Josh was at home so he got to help. It was unfair that he got
to stay home. I hated high school. I wanted to stay home, too. Mommy
could go back to work and Josh and I could look after Erin and Hannah.
Maybe I could even try teaching Erin stuff, we could have our own
school and teach her lots of stuff. Mom and Dad would like that,
wouldn't they?

"Astrid!" Mommy was in the baby pool with Erin, and she gestured for me
to go over. I shook my head. It wasn't that I didn't want to swim - I
was all sweaty after school and even though we were sitting in the
shade it was still an awfully hot day. But I was in a bad mood, and
nobody could force me to go in the pool, so there.

Mommy tried gesturing again, but then Erin launched at her with a
splash and Mommy got distracted, smiling as Erin hugged her tightly,
giggling.
I readjusted Hannah on my lap and she grabbed a handful of my hair. I
winced, but as I was trying to pull it out of her fingers I heard
Mommy's cellular starting to ring. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

Astrid answered Scully's cell.

"Hey, kiddo. Where are you?"

"At the pool. Mommy picked me up and we came here."

"Is she there with you?"

"She's in the pool. Is everything okay?"

I paused, not knowing whether Scully had told the kids yet, knowing if
I tried to be cryptic it would only pique Astrid's curiosity. "Yeah,
it's fine. Just let her know I'll be home on time tonight."

"Okay." It was hard to gauge from her voice whether or not she
suspected something more was up. She sounded a little impatient, if
nothing else.

"I'll see you later, Astrid."

"Bye, Daddy."

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

Mulder had met with Skinner and booked me in to requalify on Monday. It
was what we'd planned but still the confirmation of it unsettled me a
little. Was I going back too soon? Josh still had so far to go, and
Hannah and Erin were so used to me being there all the time. We'd
regretted our working hours when we'd almost lost Erin. Shouldn't we
have learned from that lesson?

The kids didn't really react to the news. Maybe they'd always assumed I
would be going back to work, or maybe they were just too absorbed in
their own problems. Astrid, who I had expected to scrutinise the
decision, just shrugged, while Josh half-nodded. Erin didn't
understand; the reality of it would only hit her when she faced her
first day in daycare at the clinic, and even then trying to explain why
we had made this decision was far beyond her. 

"It's up to you what you want to do," I told Josh quietly, after Astrid
had escaped to her TV program and Erin under the table. "If you don't
feel ready to go back to school, Jacqui says you can go along to the
clinic and help out there, like Ebony does. But you can't stay here by
yourself."

Again, that accepting half-nod. He understood. He wasn't happy about
it, but he understood.


Dinner, baths, bedtime stories and homework. Sometimes I just felt lost
in the routine, and that night I pushed myself to stay focused. Erin's
incomprehensible riddles and jokes at the dinner table got tedious, but
how could we not love this energetic, grinning little girl? Hammering
her peas with her fist, eating food from the floor, interrupting
anybody else who tried to speak - but how could we not relish her
spirit? She was alive, this little girl who we'd mourned for. How was
it that we could forget that pain of losing her, that we could live as
if we hadn't been granted this miracle? We should be thanking God every
hour we spent with her for bringing her back, but instead all I so
often felt was frustration and impatience with her antics, a longing
for the quiet of our office. Now, that wish had been granted, but was
it a mistake? I didn't want to have to lose her again to know the
answer. We had to love her, love all of them, every moment, because the
next might be their last, or ours.

I approached bath time with that same sense of precious trepidation.
Erin had always cried but Hannah was quiet, those big, dark eyes never
leaving my face as I ran the warm water over her. I dressed her and
passed her to Mulder, who had just spent ten minutes trying to catch
Erin for her bath. It was more a game than an actual escape - though
she'd hated them as an infant, Erin loved baths now. She sat in the tub
among the bubbles, earnestly sculpting them, playing with her toys, the
whole time a one-man show, putting on silly voices as she talked to
herself, her damp curls drying wildly. 

Astrid was having trouble with some homework, advanced quantum physics.
Mulder volunteered me to help with that, which left him to read Erin
bedtime stories. They were on the fourth one when I found them, Mulder
yawning mid-sentence, Erin wide-awake and bright-eyed, pulling him up
on every mistake. I watched for a few seconds, then left again. Hannah
was waiting for a feed.


Mulder found me holding her in my arms, watching her sleep. He took her
from me, smiling as he held her in his own arms. I stood and watched,
content, a little wistful.
"I've been panicking a little," I confessed, "about going back to
work." I drew a breath, watching the confidence with which he held her,
his grin as he gazed at her sleeping face. 
"When we lost Erin," I said slowly, "We both wished so badly that we
hadn't spent so much time working. I just wonder if maybe... if maybe
we're being given a second chance here, Mulder. I don't want to blow
it. We can't lose her again."

"We won't lose her again, Scully."

"She could relapse. Or we could lose her in another way, or we could
lose Hannah or Astrid or Josh... None of it's guaranteed, Mulder. I'm
just afraid that we're ...ignoring the warning signs."

He half-shrugged, helpless. "I don't know, Scully. I don't know what to
do. Short of quitting -"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I know." 

I watched as he lowered her down into the crib and followed him out
into the hall. He leaned back, hands braced behind him, and gazed at
me. "You know, it's more likely that something will happen to us than
the kids."

My heart sank at the reminder. "I know." 

"If something did happen, Scully..." He gazed at me. "Do you think your
mom can really handle all four of them, by herself?"

I bit back the quick, defensive answer and forced myself to consider
it. Mulder and I had enough trouble between the two of us. After
adopting Astrid and Josh we'd listed Mom as next-of-kin, leaving
custody to her if anything happened to us both. Even after Erin had
come along it had still seemed feasible; Astrid and Josh were so
independent and so capable of caring for Erin. But with Hannah now,
too, Erin so difficult, and Astrid and Josh each wrapped up in their
own problems... 
"We have to keep them together, Mulder." That was the most important
thing. They'd manage, somehow. Josh and Astrid would protect each
other, and Erin and Hannah, with their lives.

I could see his mind following the same well-trod paths mine had. I
shrugged it off, unfolding my arms and studying him. He was in the
shadows, his dark eyes burning, his jaw set. This was Mulder, my rock,
who had brought me joy and been there in my grief, so unflinchingly
protective of me, so unshaken in his love of me. This beautiful,
passionate man. I'd forgotten to appreciate him, too. Even in what
little time together we'd had lately, I'd missed him, missed the warmth
that spread right through me at the sight of his smile or the simplest
of his touches.

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Mommy and Daddy were in the hallway, in the shadows outside Hannah's
room. I was going to my own room when I found them and I stopped,
hanging back, not wanting to interrupt them, not wanting them to see
me. They didn't.
It was funny, like they were moving in slow motion, almost. They were
kissing, kissing properly, and it was so slow and gentle and careful,
but so intense, too. I got chills all over as I watched them, feeling
like I shouldn't be there but not able to pull myself away, like I was
caught in the current of the feelings and thoughts flowing from them.
Daddy touched Mommy's hair, then kissed her forehead, then they pulled
apart a little and Mommy was touching his jaw, smiling, murmuring
something. My heart was pounding as Daddy leaned in to kiss Mommy
again. What was it like to have somebody love you that much? I
wondered. 

I backed up round the corner, still wondering, feeling the roar in my
mind quietening a little. It was a little scary, all those emotions
that they were feeling, all the pain and happiness from everything that
had happened to them, wrapped up into that one moment. I didn't know
how to describe it. It was more than just intense, it was almost
overwhelming. I forgot sometimes that they loved each other that much. 


I was sitting with my laptop set up on the kitchen table when Mommy
reappeared, a few minutes later.
She touched my hair. "It's almost ten, Astrid."

"Almost done." I was fixing up the links on a website for Kathy. She
said she'd pay me fifteen dollars for it, based on how long it would
take her and what she would get paid. I hadn't even been working for a
whole hour, yet. None of the kids at the high school even got that much
an hour.
I looked up at Mommy. "You and Daddy can go to bed. It's okay. I'll go
to bed soon, I promise."

Mommy nodded, ducking to kiss me goodnight. "No later than ten-thirty.
You've got school tomorrow."

I nodded, waving her away. I could hear her in Josh's room, saying
goodnight to him, then a minute or two later I heard their bedroom door
close.


I thought about them as I finished up fixing the links and then
e-mailed Kathy the zipped files. I couldn't get what I'd seen out of my
head. It wasn't that it was a bad thing, but it gave me tingles. 

I shut down the laptop and switched off the lights. I meant to go
straight to bed, but instead, I don't really know why, I snuck along
the hallway to their bedroom, and put my ear against the door.
I couldn't really hear much. Their noises were all muffled, sighs and
murmurs. Even though the closed door I could feel what I'd felt before,
all that *feeling*, so intense that my skin felt like it was burning.

I pulled away, running silently down the hall into my room, climbing up
the ladder and sliding under the covers, the sheets cool against me. I
held my breath for a second, thinking irrationally that they had chased
after me, staring at the dark gaping hole that our open bedroom door
was. Nobody was coming. I exhaled slowly, a little relieved but still
feeling on edge, not taking my eyes off the door as my pounding heart
started slowing down. 

I watched the clock on our bedroom wall as it ticked, around and around
and around. It went so slowly. I was still awake when it said
eleven-thirty, still lying there. I kicked back the covers and jumped
to the floor. I don't really know why I did what I did next, but I went
back along the hallway to their bedroom and opened the door.

"Mommy?" They were both asleep, and they didn't stir. "Mommy?" I tried
again. "Daddy? Mommy?" I felt myself starting to cry, not pretend but
real crying, real, warm, wet tears on my cheeks, and I didn't know
where it was coming from inside of me. But they heard it and I heard
Daddy murmur something and saw Mommy lift her head. 

"What is it, Astrid?"

I didn't even know why I was crying, why I'd gone there, why I'd
listened at the door or watched them earlier. So I lied. "I had a bad
dream. About Graham."

Daddy was reaching for his boxer shorts but Mommy touched his arm.
"It's okay, I've got it."

I stood there, watching as she reached for the summer robe right beside
the bed and wrapped it around her, then, her hand on my back, she
guided me back down the hallway to my bedroom.

She watched as I climbed back up my ladder, then pulled the covers back
under me. "You all right now, sweetie?"

I nodded slightly, lifting my arm from under the covers to wipe my nose
on my sleeve. I didn't know why I'd said it was about Graham. I could
have said it was about anything, and they would have believed it. Daddy
going missing or when I shot Mr O'Brien or even Erin's leukemia, or any
of the scary cases they'd told us about... "I guess."

She watched me a second longer, wondering, then she nodded. "Okay.
Goodnight, Astrid."

"Night, Mommy," I murmured, watching as she crouched down beside Erin
to check on her quickly, brushing her fingers through Erin's hair. She
sighed, then got up again, blowing me a kiss goodnight from the door
and then disappearing.

I bit my lip, feeling funny inside, not even sure if it was guilt for
lying or just weirdness. I did feel a little scared, as well, but I
didn't know what of. I rolled over, trying to leave the feeling behind,
squeezed my eyes shut and pretended I was asleep.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE -

Dana was late for Hannah's checkup. "Sorry," she apologised, letting
Hannah down to the changetable and unbuttoning the overalls. "We slept
in. I had to drive Astrid to sch- Just a second, Erin." Erin, tugging
at Dana's shirt for attention, had let out a cry of impatience.

"Hey, Monkey," I beckoned. "Mommy's busy. Come say hi to me."

She came running, giggling and pressing her cheek against mine as I
swung her up into my arms. Only a second later, though, she was
wriggling to be let down, a bundle of impatient energy, as usual.

Josh was hanging back by the door. "Hey, buddy," I called gently, "How
about you take Erin to visit Noah in daycare? We'll come get you when
we're done here."

He nodded, expressionless. "Let's go, Erin," he said softly. "We're
going to visit Noah."

"Nooooo!" Erin protested, running to Dana's side and hugging her leg.
"We stay with Mommy."

I took Hannah from Dana, putting her on the scales and noting down her
weight. That gave Dana the chance to lift Erin up at her side, jiggling
her to quiet her protests. 

"You take her along to daycare," I offered, knowing Dana would be
distracted with Erin here. "I'm just going to test Hannah's reflexes. I
won't draw blood til you get back."

Dana nodded. She left with Erin, Josh in tow. Returning a few minutes
later, she looked more in control. "Everything okay?"

"Perfect, far as I can see. She's a little underweight but it's still
within the healthy range. You want to hold her still so I can draw some
blood?"

Dana complied, holding the diapered baby still with the combined
expertise of mother and doctor. Hannah didn't cry, she didn't even seem
to notice. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling light in innocent
fascination. 

I lay the filled vial aside, then turned back, lifting Hannah and
passing her to Dana. "She's all yours. You can dress her now."

"You're all done?" She sounded surprised. I understood why. Compared to
the hours spent in the clinic and the hospital when Erin was sick... 

"Sure." I scribbled on the vial label and the corresponding form, then
slipped them in a manilla envelope. "We should get the bloodwork back
in a couple of days. I'll let you know."
I turned back, watching as Dana dressed Hannah. "How's everybody else
doing? How's Josh?"

"You saw him Saturday night."

My chest was heavy. Did Dana realise how guilty I felt over Josh's
action? It was my fault entirely. I was the one who had brought Graham
into their lives. 
"No improvement since?"

She shook her head.

"Can I talk to him, some time?"

"Jacqui-"

"I need to at least try, Dana. I feel so responsible for what he did. I
need to try to make it better, somehow."

"I don't think we can help him with this, Jacqui."

I gazed at her. My little Josh, so wise as long as I could remember, so
quiet, so precious. "We have to at least try."

"We have been trying, and we'll keep on trying. We're not giving up on
him. All I'm saying is, I don't know how much good we're doing." 

And nobody could know, except Josh himself. You couldn't read him,
couldn't analyse him. You only knew what he told you, and he wasn't
telling. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

When we went to collect the kids from daycare Erin was elbow deep in
playdoh. Josh was sitting only a few feet away, waiting, watching.
Would he be like that next week, when we left him here with Erin and
Hannah all day? Just watching them, protecting them, hiding in his
silence?

Noah toddled toward Jacqueline and she swung him up. There was such
confident possessiveness in the way she held him now, that she so
happily acknowledged that he was hers and she was his. It was a far cry
from those first few months, that panic I'd seen in her eyes every time
he cried for attention.

What would this be like? I wondered. Did she know how lucky she was to
be able to just wander down the hall and see Noah any chance she got?
Of course, even if we did have daycare just down the hall from our
office, what good would it be? We spent so much time elsewhere,
searching, chasing up leads. 

I managed to get Erin away from the playdoh and get her cleaned up. She
protested when I told her we were going home. "Nooooo! Monkey stay,
play here! Monkey want to stay..."

"I'll tell you what, Erin," I coaxed. "We'll come back next week. How's
that sound?"

"Next week?" Erin echoed, doubtful. 

"Next week," I promised, exhaling as I thought about the arrangement.
"And you can stay and play much, much longer."


Jacqui came back out to reception with us, Noah on her shoulders. A
young man, mid-twenties or so, was lounging against the front desk. He
jumped upright when he saw Jacqui, signalling for her attention. 

"Friend of yours?" I queried quietly, glancing sidelong at Jacqueline.
She was smiling, amused.

"Maybe." She lifted Noah from her shoulders, resettling him on her hip.
That curious, ironic smile hovered on her lips as she gazed at the
young man. He was grinning sheepishly, like a little boy in trouble. "I
think," she announced, "I'm about to get an apology." She grinned at
me, touching my arm. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

I gestured to the young man. "What about-?"

Still, that playful smile. "Let him squirm a little longer."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE -

Mark was still waiting when I got back, taking it slowly to match
Noah's careful steps beside me, his hand firmly in mine. Mark came
forward, still sheepish, and crouched down.

"This is Noah, right?"

I smiled. "I see you've done your homework this time."

Mark rose, and I was amused to see that he was a good few inches
shorter than me. "I didn't mean to insult you last time. I honestly
didn't know... Anyway, I'm sorry if I said anything ...inappropriate."

"Well, it wasn't quite the usual way I'm talked to around here, but
seeing as you're new to my kingdom, I won't have them put you in the
stocks. Not yet, at least."

"I'm going to guess you're kidding about that." He pulled a face, then
raised an eyebrow quizzically. "You know, though, that you've got some
pretty scary equipment around here, right?"

"You saw our labs, did you?"

"Yeah, Uncle Aaron showed me around."

Uncle Aaron. I wasn't sure if that made Aaron sound old, or this guy
sound young, or both. Either way, it was a little weird.

I drew a breath. "So, what did you think?"

"Well, drawing on my vast knowledge of obstetrics and all that
fancy-schmancy science stuff... I guess it doesn't rate so badly."

"Glad to have your approval. I think." I lifted Noah up. "Listen, I've
really got a whole stack of work to do..."

"And I certainly wouldn't want to deprive you of that."

I nodded, backing up a little, then turned and started down the hall
toward daycare. I stopped, turning to face him again, overcome with
curiosity. "What exactly is it that you do for a living?"

"IT. Mostly schools and small businesses. Not as frightening as what
you do all day but it pays okay and the hours are flexible."

"And you live around here?"

"Alexandria."

I stared at him, not sure why I was so curious, but unable to stop
myself. "How old are you?"

"How old do you think?"

"Twenty... five."

"One off."

"Twenty-six."

"Nope. Wrong direction. Twenty-four."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I generally wasn't in touch with
others my age, I'd always been so far ahead of them, and somehow the
visual image in my mind was still of teenagers, kids. But Mark, now,
was only two years my senior, and still I felt almost on par with him,
socially if not intellectually. 

"So," he grinned, "am I allowed to guess, now?"

"Guess what?"

"Your age."

I smiled, knowing I wouldn't let that information spill regardless of
how hard he tried to coax it out of me. "No."

"Aw, c'mon..."

"Sorry. Can't betray my gender." I smiled again, not sure what it was
about him that fascinated me so much. Maybe because he was so easy to
talk to, so relaxed, so uncomplicated. All the men I'd dealt with in my
life had pasts, pain and experiences I could never understand. "I'll
see you around, somewhere?"

"Sure." He grinned. "Somewhere."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

We made a detour on the way home, stopping at Mom's place. Erin ran off
with a squeal, chasing Mr Tom through the house with Josh following
after. Not needing to chase after her, I ended up sitting across the
kitchen counter as Mom prepared a morning snack for Erin, Hannah on my
lap.

"So," she began, glancing up at me. I knew the tone. Quiet and
controlled, but with that distinct warning edge to it. "How's everybody
doing?"

It was the exact same question Jacqui had asked, and I still didn't
know how to answer it. "We're getting through it all, slowly."

"You're going back to work next week?"

Who had told her that? My primary reason for dropping by had been to
deliver the news. I understood why she was using that tone, though. She
was angry.

"Mom..."

"I don't know how you could even conceive of going back now. The kids
need you. Joshua needs you at home."

I've been at home, Mom! I wanted to cry out. It hadn't made any
difference to Josh. Out there, I can make a difference... 
But I bit my lip, not wanting to fight, just wanting all this
forgotten.

"Dana, if you go back to work and leave Joshua-"

"He can handle it, Mom. He's a strong kid."

"You were a strong kid too. How do you think you would have handled the
guilt of killing a man, at that age? Dana, he's *seven*. He's suffering
post traumatic stress and you want to put him in daycare?"

I bit my lip again, dropping my gaze to the top of Hannah's head. "I
didn't come here to be bullied, Mom," I said finally. My throat felt
tight. "I'm sorry if you don't think I'm doing the right thing, but I
have to go back. I need to work, and work needs me. Mulder needs me
there."

Mom stared at me, still angry, lips pressed together. So many times she
had tried to talk me out of returning to work, and so many times she'd
heard this argument before. She didn't understand how integral work was
not only to my relationship with Mulder but my own self. Everything in
my life, good and bad, had happened because of the x-files. It had
become a living, breathing part of me. I needed it.

A crash of silverware from the other room. Mom held my gaze a second
longer, then pulled away, tossing down the dishtowel. "I'll go."

I watched as she left the room, hating that she was angry at me,
wishing, as I had so many times, that she could understand. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Mommy and Josh and Erin were all pretty quiet all afternoon. Mommy
seemed sort of upset about something. I knew she'd taken Hannah to
Duckie's for a checkup, and I'd panicked for a second that maybe she'd
gotten bad news. But then I'd seen Josh, and he hadn't been upset. If
there had been anything wrong with Erin or Hannah, Josh would have
known.

Things got better when Daddy got home, for a bit at least. I'd asked
him ages ago if I could test my ESP powers and he'd finally remembered
and brought home some decks of cards and stuff from work. 

The tests were fun at first, though they got a bit repetitive. We had
to finish up quickly when Mommy and Josh got home - they'd gone out
jogging. Daddy didn't want Mommy to know what we were doing, but she
found out somehow, anyway. 

Daddy had disappeared after dinner to tally up my points and Mommy must
have seen the piece of paper or something. She got mad.

"We agreed, Mulder!" I heard her yell at him, through their bedroom
door. "We agreed we weren't going to do this to them!" 

She sounded really mad, but upset too. I wished I hadn't asked Daddy to
do the tests, or at least that he'd told me Mommy wouldn't like it. I
wouldn't have made him do it if I'd known that. I didn't want to be the
cause of their fighting.

"Astrid wanted it," I heard Daddy say, quieter. He wasn't getting as
emotional as Mommy, but I could tell she'd had a bad day. This was the
last thing she needed. "She came to me, Scully. She wanted to know."

Silence for a moment. "Are you sure, Mulder?" Mommy asked finally. "Are
you sure you didn't push her?"

"I didn't, Scully."

More silence, then, "Just keep away from Josh, Mulder. Please.. He
doesn't need this right now."

Daddy murmured something I didn't hear, then it was silent. I backed up
away from the door and went back into the living room. Josh was in
there with Erin. He would have been in his room, I knew, if they hadn't
left her with him. I felt annoyed with them that they just left Josh to
take care of Hannah and Erin all the time, but grateful, too, because I
didn't want Josh to hide in his room any more than they did.

I watched Josh for a minute. He was doing some work I'd gotten him from
school, an essay on Chaucer. Erin grabbed his hand, trying to get his
attention. She was playing doctor and trying to check his pulse through
his fingers, or something silly like that. Josh just changed his pen to
his other hand and kept writing, letting her pull at his fingers. I
didn't understand how come he didn't get annoyed at her. I couldn't
stand it when she did stuff like that when I was studying.

Josh would have done better on the ESP test, I thought suddenly. I knew
I did okay, much better than most ordinary people, but Josh would have
done better. He was better than me at everything, except at making
friends, at least. Not that I was good at that anymore.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

I took Josh to the mall on Thursday. He didn't want to go; he'd never
liked the crowds, and now more than ever he shunned all contact with
strangers. But I needed to get some things and I wasn't going to leave
him home alone.

He trailed a few feet behind us, all the way. Sticking close enough not
to get lost, close enough to be protected or to protect, but still
keeping that unhappy distance. I tried to get him to walk beside me,
but between Hannah's whimpering and trying to keep hold of Erin's
sticky hand, I couldn't pay as much attention to him as I wanted to. 

We stopped for icecreams. I'd knelt to hand Erin her cone when I felt a
sharp, insistent tug on my shirt. Josh was right beside me, looking
tense and upset.

"What is it, Josh?"

His chin trembled and I thought for a surprised second that he was
going to cry, but he pulled himself together and just shook his head,
hugging my side tightly as though he were two again. 

"What's wrong, Joshie? Did you see something?"

But he wouldn't answer, just held onto me, tight-lipped and tense. 

Was he getting worse? I wondered. I watched the way his nervous gaze
skimmed over everybody in the buzzing plaza. He'd always been paranoid,
but how bad was it, really? 

We left soon after. Tucking Erin into her carseat and attacking her
sticky face and fingers with a wetwipe, I glanced at Josh. He was
hunched in his seat, gazing keenly out the window.

"What are you watching, Josh? Is there somebody out there?"

"Different faces," he muttered, sounding a little bewildered.

It was too much for him, I realised. Too much, too soon. Mom was right.
He wasn't coping at all, and leaving him to return to work was a
completely irresponsible act. We owed him more.

"We'll be home soon," I promised him softly, reaching to touch his
hair. "It'll be okay, sweetie. I promise."



He disappeared into his room as soon as we got home, but I didn't
protest. Hannah needed changing and it was Erin's nap time. I didn't
notice the blinking light on the answering machine until almost an hour
later. It was a message from Skinner.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

There was an unmarked cop car parked in our street, right across from
our building. Drawing closer, I realised they weren't local; they were
feds. 

I pulled over in the shadows, several cars down, cutting the engine and
just sitting, watching them for a moment. Coffee, take-out in paper
bags, brief interchanges of conversation. Every few minutes one of them
would lift a pair of binoculars and train them on one of the
upper-story apartments. Ours.

A flurry of emotions hit me as I confirmed what I'd irrationally known
the moment I saw the car there. They were watching us. Why? Was
everything okay? Scully-? The kids-? If anything had happened-

It was that need to know, to know right then what was going on and what
I'd lost, that made me move. I slid out of the car and further along
the street to cross in the shadows. My heart hammering in my chest as I
kept low and out of sight behind parked cars, I snuck around the back
of our building, glancing around for a second surveillance team as I
slipped in the back entrance.
Up the stairwells with my weapon drawn, I hesitated when I reached the
apartment door. Were these just ordinary agents sent on an all-night
stakeout with minimal instruction? Or were we dealing with a massive
operation here? Who? Why? What the hell had happened?

I knocked instead of using my key, I'm not entirely sure why. "Scully?"
I kept my voice down, feeling the panic reaching breaking point as I
waited, waited.

Footsteps, a click and rattle of the chain. Astrid. "Mommy's mad at
you," she announced, drawing back to let me in. 

I glanced around the apartment. No bloodbath, no tears. Well-lit,
ordinary messiness. Erin was scribbling with crayons, the TV was on,
Astrid's homework was spread over the dinner table. It seemed ordinary
but I wasn't fooled. I could see the tension in Scully's shoulders as
she lifting a casserole dish out of the oven. Putting down the
dishtowel she'd used instead of ovenmitts, she turned to face me.
Astrid was right; she was mad. 

"Your phone was off," she said quietly.  "I've been trying to reach you
all day."

"My battery died..." I looked at her closely, not knowing what I was
about to learn but knowing only that it was big. She was shaken, she
was hurt, and confused and angry. "What happened?" I asked slowly.

"Where've you been, Mulder?"

I pulled back, a little unsettled by her question. "I was in the field.
A case I was chasing up, there were people I had to talk to. Scully,
the feds in the car outside..."

She folded her arms tightly, keeping her distance from me. "Did you
talk to anybody about the BATF bust?"

It took me a second to connect. "Henderson's case? No." I stared at
her. "Scully, what the hell is going on?"

She glanced around, then caught my arm, tugging me into our dark
bedroom. Closing the door carefully, she turned to face me again. It
was dark, but when I reached to switch on a light I thought the better
of it. Our window faced the road.

"I got a call from Skinner. A message on the machine. They raided that
Philadelphia warehouse this morning, according to the plan. There were
more than half a dozen dealers lying in wait with semi-automatics."

"How many fatalities?"

"Four of them. Five of us. Still two of ours in the ICU." She was
watching me unhappily, waiting for my reaction. "Mulder, they think you
tipped them off."

For a second I didn't speak, I was too stunned. "What? I had nothing to
do with it! Scully..."

"Mulder, they've traced communications sent from your e-mail, detailing
the date, the time, even what sort of weapons our men would be
carrying."

"Why would I do that, Scully? I wouldn't do that. You know that,
right?"

"They traced calls from the office... Mulder, three of the dealers
separately picked your photo. They say you met with them on several
occasions in the past few days."

"That's crazy. You know that's crazy, Scully." I stared at her, chest
tight. "You believe me, don't you? Why would I do those things? I
wouldn't. I didn't do anything."

She seemed to doubt me for a long second. Then she nodded. "I know,
Mulder. But I can't explain it. They've got you sewn up tight."

She sighed tiredly, running her hands through her hair. "At least
you're okay. I was afraid, when I couldn't get in touch with you.. I
didn't know what to think." She moved closer, letting me take her hands
but not looking me in the eye. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Mulder. You
know how much, how completely I trust you. It all just feels so
upsidedown. I was afraid."

Drawing her against me, I didn't answer her; I didn't know what to say.
Dull anger resonated through me. How could she not have that same
absolute faith in me I had in her? How could she doubt me? It was in
the most upsidedown, hopeless of circumstances that I trusted her the
most.

"What does Skinner think?" I asked finally.

She drew back from me. "I don't think he knows what to think." A long
pause. "Mulder, I knew... If you had done what they're saying you did,
I knew you would have had a good reason."

"I didn't do it, Scully."

"I know that, I know that.." Looking up at me for the first real time
she half-smiled, touching my cheeks. "I know you. I'm sorry."

I pulled her close again, and this time she hugged me tightly, as if
the contact could heal all our wounds. 

"This is just another ploy to get me out of the bureau. You know that.
We'll figure it out."

She nodded, releasing me. "I know." She touched my arm, then moved
away. "Dinner's getting cold."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

The kids were rattled. We weren't particularly surprised that they'd
noticed the agents keeping watch outside, but the fact that it worried
them both so much managed to shake Mulder and I out of the comfort zone
we'd talked ourselves into. 
We didn't talk about it at the dinner table. Astrid could usually be
counted on to keep the conversation moving under stressful
circumstances and she and Erin managed to maintain a steady stream of
childish jokes and stories throughout the meal.

Things dragged a little after dinner. Neither Mulder or I wanted to
talk about work, and nobody mentioned Astrid's homework or Josh's
essay. The TV was flipped from one program to another, brief efforts
were made to play with Erin. We all jumped at the opportunity to wash
the dishes and change diapers, because it was something constructive,
something safe and normal that didn't require deep thought or focus.

Everybody ended up in Astrid and Erin's room for the bedtime story,
with me reading, and Mulder pacing with Hannah. Josh was cuddled up
beside me, clingy again, like he had been in the mall. 
It was past ten before we got all four kids to bed and asleep, and only
an hour later when Astrid appeared in our bedroom doorway. "Mommy..."

I tried not to lose my patience with her. "Can't sleep, sweetie?"

She hesitated, then shook her head. "I had a nightmare."

The third night in a row. Tonight, though, the timing couldn't have
been worse. Mulder and I had been discussing the accusations against
him. Anybody could have accessed his e-mail at work but how had those
three dealers been able to identify him, unless they were part of the
conspiracy? Who was setting Mulder up, and why?

"Can I sleep with you?"

I looked to Mulder, then back to Astrid. "We're going to be talking a
while longer. I think you'll feel better in your own bed, sweetie."

She looked distraught. "I'm scared..."

Could we really just ignore that? I sighed, reaching out. "Come here."

She fell asleep against me. I felt a little guilty, knowing that it was
a night Mulder needed to be held, needed to be assured of my trust in
him. Not that it seemed he would sleep. He was restless, pacing, moving
toward the window as if to look out but then pulling back, not wanting
to be seen. It felt so wrong, to be watched in this way.

"Are you going to sleep, Mulder?"

Silence as he stopped pacing and looked at me. "Yeah," he said finally.
"I'll just keep watch a while."

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

I was called into Director Asher's office first thing Friday. Just he
and I, it was a surprisingly informal interview - a rehashing of the
incident, a few brief questions, but none of the accusations I'd braced
myself for. I was thanked and sent back to work, left wondering if I'd
been let off the hook. Three long hours and several calls with Scully
later, I was called back for another meeting. This time there were
several observers lounging against the walls.

More quick questions. Where was I at this time on this day? In my
office or out in the field? Did I enter the building at all that day,
for any reason? Did I usually enter through the garage or through the
main doors? 
Innocent as the questions were, I answered carefully, waiting, knowing
they were preparing to pounce. I wasn't wrong. 
A nod to the agent in the corner and a TV was moved forward, a tape
inserted in the VCR and an image flickering onto the screen. People
passing through the metal detectors. Me. The date at the bottom of the
screen read nine-twelve-am yesterday.
"Agent Mulder, you identify that individual as yourself?"

Yesterday? I hadn't gotten to the office til almost midday. I'd wanted
to compare Astrid's ESP test results with some data the gunmen had and
clarify some details on another case while I was there.

"Somebody's tampered with the tape, they've changed the time. I didn't
get here until later in the day. I told you that already."

"Agent Mulder, we've had our video technicians check this tape
thoroughly. There has been no tampering, I assure you."

"I didn't come in until midday. I had a meeting earlier in the day."

"The nature of this meeting?"

"I was consulting with a team of specialists."

"Specialists in what field?"

"Psychic and extrasensory abilities."

The usual array of snorts and snickers in the room. I shifted in my
chair, pushing down the old anger threatening to surface. This wasn't
the time for that.

"You deny that this is you, here, on the tape?"

"It looks like me, but it either wasn't filmed yesterday at
twelve-nineteen, or it's somebody else."

Director Asher opened a file on his desk. "Agent Mulder, you've got a
history of... what shall we say, conflicts? with your fellow agents."

"If you're going to accuse me of something, why don't you just come out
and say it?"

Director Asher stared at me across his wide desk, summing me up. Then
he nodded. "That's all for now. Thank you for your time, Agent Mulder."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

I was sitting in the corridor outside the nurse's office when Mommy
arrived. She didn't say anything, just hugged me against her and signed
me out. 
Josh and Hannah and Erin were all waiting in the car. I guess now, more
than ever, Mommy didn't want to leave them home by themselves. She
didn't seem surprised to see that I didn't want to be left out, either.

"Nausea and vertigo... You actually used those terms, Astrid?" Mommy
was trying to lighten the mood, I think. "You've read too many of my
old med school textbooks."

I shrugged, feeling too tense and worried to respond, even though I was
grateful she was trying. I knew she felt guilty making me go to school,
after I'd pleaded to stay home. She and Daddy had discussed it and
decided they should just pretend nothing was going on, keep up an
appearance of everything running normally. So I'd gone to school,
because I wanted to help them, but sitting there in class had just made
me crazy and I'd known I couldn't handle it.

Mommy didn't take us straight home. Instead, we went to a park. It made
me feel better, sitting on the grass with Hannah on my lap, watching a
couple of little kids with their moms. It was a sunny day, only a few
puffy white clouds floating in the blue sky, and there was just a nice,
gentle breeze. It was so calm, and I felt even better when Mommy sat
down between us, hugging me on one side and Joshie on the other, and
told us stories of when we were little, of the first time she and Daddy
ever took us to a park.

I felt really tired when I got home and I fell asleep on the couch,
watching one of my West Wing tapes. When I woke up, Erin was climbing
on me, and I could hear Duckie's voice coming from the kitchen. She and
Mommy were talking.
"Ted!" Erin got all excited that I was awake. "Teddy's up!"

I heard Mommy's voice drop, as if she'd been saying something she
didn't want me to hear. I knew she and Duckie were talking about what
was happening with Daddy.
I got up, pushing Erin off me, and had a better look around. Ebony was
sitting at our dinner table, reading a book. Noah was sitting on the
rug in front of me, banging on Erin's plastic drum set. 

"Hey, Astrid." Duckie smiled at me. "You doing okay?"

I shrugged, knowing she was only trying to make me feel better. Duckie
at least knew what it was like to have problems, even if everything
seemed easy for her now. 
I wished I could feel as confident and in control as she looked. I
guess she had to dress that way for work, to look like an adult, all
stylish and everything. Way back, none of us knew anything about how we
were supposed to dress, about what sort of things were 'in' and all
that. It didn't matter. Now Duckie always looked like she was going out
somewhere - suits, like Mommy's, but a bit less conservative, and her
shoes were sort of more girly. She'd worn a lot of clothes that
accentuated her tallness, especially since Noah was born, and she
always looked tall and slim. Even now, I could tell she was worried
about us, but she still looked great. I was still in my school uniform
and it'd got all crumpled, plus my hair was all messy. I felt silly and
babyish.

I muttered something and took Erin into our room. We sat for a while on
Erin's bed reading stories, til we heard Daddy's keys in the door and
she went running to see him. I followed out, more slowly, worried to
see whether Mommy was mad at him or not, see if there was any news. But
when I saw him standing there, crouched down to greet Erin, my stomach
dropped and my skin prickled. 

I just stood there, my heart pounding as I watched them. Mommy asked
Daddy how the second meeting had gone. Daddy straightened up and said
that it had been what they'd expected, nothing new. He'd been confined
to paperwork until further notice so he'd come home early. 
Everything Daddy said looked and sounded so right. He seemed impatient,
like he always did when he didn't want to talk about something. And
Mommy didn't seem to think anything was wrong, neither did Duckie.
Couldn't they feel the difference? Couldn't they see that it wasn't
Daddy on the inside at all, but some stranger, somebody so uncaring
that the whole room felt freezing cold?

I felt so sick I thought for a moment I was going to throw up. It
wasn't Daddy. It was one of them. One of those men Daddy had told us
about, who could look like anybody, and you couldn't tell just by
looking at them if they were real or not. Daddy said they were bounty
hunters, sent to collect clones sometimes, or alien abductees.
Sometimes they abducted them, but sometimes they killed them. Why was
he here? Was he going to kill us, because he knew Duckie and Josh and I
were different? Was he here to hurt Mommy, or Erin or Hannah? What had
he done to Daddy? Had he hurt Daddy? What could we do to stop him?
Nobody else, not even Duckie, seemed to realise what was wrong. Mommy
didn't know at all. And I couldn't say anything, because he'd hear, and
then maybe he'd hurt me.
Joshie... I pleaded silently, my chest hurting because I wanted so
badly to cry, to run to Mommy for a hug, but I couldn't. Help me,
Joshie. I don't know what to do. 
But Josh was in his room, maybe even asleep, because he didn't hear me.
I stared at the man, talking to Mommy and Duckie, wishing so badly that
I just knew what to do. I couldn't leave, even for just a minute - what
if he hurt somebody? They didn't know. How could I tell them who it
really was? God, please, please, please tell me what to do, I prayed
silently. Please help me, God.

The man was telling Mommy that he had an idea about who could have sent
out the e-mail from his inbox. He said he'd organised a meeting, that
he wanted her to go with him. Mommy hesitated but then said okay, and
asked Duckie if she could stay and mind us while Mommy went out.

He was trying to draw Mommy away, I realised. He wasn't just going to
kill her here, he was too smart for that. He was going to take here
away and then maybe kill her, and then maybe he'd even change into her,
and nobody except me would know the truth. He could pretend to be her
forever and nobody would believe us. I had to stop him, somehow,
because I couldn't let him hurt her. We all needed Mommy - and Daddy -
too much. But how was I supposed to stop him? He was so much bigger
than me, and I couldn't get Mommy's gun because it was in her room, and
even then, I couldn't just shoot him because they had poisonous blood,
and only a shot to the base of the skull would kill them, that was what
Daddy had said..

For a second my legs just wouldn't move, but I managed to get a few
steps closer and had a look around, trying to see if there was anything
I could attack him with. We didn't keep baseball bats or anything else
big and heavy in here, it was all in the bottom of wardrobes. There
were potplants and chairs and a glass jug, but they weren't going to
hurt him... 

Mommy said she just had to get changed. Daddy told her to be quick and
she promised she'd only take a second. Mommy started explaining to
Duckie that dinner was in the oven and almost ready.

I saw the bugspray on the counter, tucked against the wall. There was a
cockroach inside before. My heart was going crazy but I knew I was
doing the right thing so I didn't let myself hesitate for even a
second. I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the bugspray, pulled off the
lid, pointed it at his face and and pushed down hard on the nozzle. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

It all just happened so fast I didn't know what was happening. 

"Ast-" My outburst at her sudden, bizzare action cut off as Mulder
swung at her, flinging her across the room. Astrid hit the fridge and I
heard it shudder, the tinkles of the glass jars inside, a whimper as
she slid to the ground.

"Mu-" Again, I couldn't get a whole word out. Stunned realisation hit
me in that same second, as I saw that the bugspray hadn't harmed him,
as I recognised that cold darkness in Mulder's eyes. Oh God. Not again.

I reached instinctively for my weapon but, of course, I didn't have it.


Jacqueline was staring at Mulder. "Dana, what's -"

"Check Astrid." I gave her a push back, not taking my eyes from his
face, hating with all my being that this was happening. We'd left this
behind, I thought with sudden, helpless vehemence. This wasn't our
life, anymore. We couldn't put our family through this. Not Josh and
Astrid, and Erin and Hannah..

"Where's Mulder?" I demanded, cold fear overtaken by my burning anger.
I refused to let our life be destroyed. Not after we'd worked so hard
for it. I didn't want Erin and Hannah, or Josh or Astrid, to know this.
"What did you do with him?"

"It's not Mulder I'm concerned with."

Behind me I heard Jacqui calling Erin, and a whiney whimper. I
half-turned, an instinctive respose, and though I let out a choked cry,
it took me a second to actually realise that he had fixed his hands
around me throat and my feet no longer touched the ground.
It blurred a little; I don't remember being dragged out of the
apartment, only being pushed up against the corridor wall. My head
spinning from lack of oxygen, I kicked him, a relex more than anything
else, but hard enough for his grip to falter and for me to twist his
wrists and free myself. I ran down the hall, not back to the apartment
but away from it, toward the flash of red I saw at the end of the
corridor. Fire extinguisher. I don't even remember if I even managed to
swing at him with it or not, but the next thing I knew I'd been flung
to the ground and he was leaning over me. Not Mulder, any more, but
that hard, chiselled face I'd spent years trying to get out of my head.
He grabbed me by the neck again, choking me, and I couldn't breathe, my
head was swimming. I fumbled behind me, fingers frantically searching
for anything I could use. White dots were dancing on my retinas, black
edging in on my vision. He wasn't kidnapping me, this time, he was
killing me. This was it.

I don't know if I blacked out completely, or only for a second, but all
of a sudden I felt myself sinking down, felt those hands around my neck
gone, my head still spinning as I gasped for air, my vision a blur of
dark hair, white shirt and green bubbles. And, looking up, I saw
Jacqueline, holding something silver in her hand, and behind her
Astrid, holding my gun. And filling my nostrils was that sharp, putrid
odour that screamed danger.
"Get back!" I shouted at them, raw, burning pain in my throat, my voice
less of a shout than a hoarse whisper.

Astrid knew the danger. She grabbed my hand, tugging me upright,
pulling both Jacqueline and I along the hallway, seemingly oblivious to
the acid that had begun stinging my eyes. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE -

Back in the apartment, Josh had appeared from his bedroom and was
standing guard over Ebony, Erin and Noah, Hannah in his arms. The phone
was ringing and ringing, but even as Astrid and I managed to get Dana
through the door and lock it after us, none of us thought to answer it.
We were all still stunned by what had happened - Dana, injured after
the struggle, and me, trying to digest what I had seen. I'd taken the
knife from the kitchen and stabbed the stranger with it - the only way
you could kill them, Astrid had said, and I'd believed her. She'd been
prepared to commit the act herself, I knew - she'd run to get Dana's
gun. But I'd seen how much it had affected her the last time she'd
taken a life, and how Graham's death still weighed on Josh. I'd
realised that this time, I was the adult, and I had to protect them,
even if it meant I'd be the one suffering nightmares for the next six
months.

We got Dana sitting down on the couch, and she leaned her head back,
eyes closed as I checked her over. She had a small laceration on her
cheek that was bleeding, but it wouldn't need stitches. Dark bruises
were coming up on her neck and her ribs, and her eyes were bloodshot,
irritated. The knuckles on her right hand were rubbed raw. She was
still breathing unevenly but I could tell she was trying to calm
herself. I wondered briefly if we should call for an ambulance, but
Astrid, carefully laying a warm, wet cloth on Dana's neck and then
crouching beside me, shook her head. "She'll be okay."

I wasn't so sure when, only a second later, Dana started retching. We
helped her to the bathroom in time and then sat her down on the edge of
the tub to flush out her eyes with some cold water. She was quiet,
tensed, but calm in a wary, withdrawn way I didn't know how to respond
to. Obviously, her mind was churning over what had happened, what had
to happen next.
Finally, her face buried in a towel, she spoke. "All the kids are
okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. They're fine. Erin's a little upset but Josh is taking
care of her."

"What about Astrid?"

Astrid was beside me. "I'm okay, Mommy."

"Did you check her for broken bones?" That question was directed to me.

I nodded. "She's fine, Dana. Fast healing, remember. Practically
indestructible."

"You're not," Dana pointed out, looking me in the eye for the first
time. She looked terrible, tired and in pain.

"I was careful. We had to act."

A sigh, then a tired nod. "Thank you."

I gazed at her for a second, not knowing how to ask. This man, coming
here tonight... Did that mean Fox was dead? Or what? Neither Dana or
the kids had mentioned trying to contact him, to check if he was in
trouble. Did they already know, or were they just too afraid to ask?
I took Dana's arm. "Let's go back out to the living room."

     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

Nobody was answering the damn phone. I'd tried Scully's and Astrid's
cellulars, too, but no answer, and Scully always put the machine on
when she went out. An unnerving enough situation as it was, put in
context of the week's events it made my stomach sink.
Still getting no answer, I pulled up directly outside the apartment in
a no-parking zone. I hung up, shoving the cellular in my pocket as I
ran up the stairs, two at a time, my footsteps echoing in the bare
stairwell. Out on our floor, I realised I hadn't even checked the
street for surveillance. Somehow the thought of being watched no longer
mattered so much.
There was a bubbling green stain eating through the linoleum flooring.
I stopped short when I saw it. There was no mistaking what it was, what
it meant, and I shook myself out of my paralysis, sprinting down the
hallway and bursting into the apartment.

The apartment was dark. Obviously, nobody had noticed the day growing
steadily darker outside.
They were all in the living room, crowded close together, so quiet and
still it looked staged. Josh, sitting on the rug, reading to Noah and
Erin, with Hannah asleep against him. Ebony sitting huddled by herself
a few feet away, looking scared. Astrid, standing guard by the couch.
Jacqueline, crouching in front of Scully, whose eyes were a puffy red.
For a long minute, nobody spoke. Then Scully, face set with wary,
unhappy determination, looked at me. "We've got to get out of here."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Daddy looked at all of us for a minute. He knew something was going on,
but he wasn't sure what exactly. All he knew was that it was serious.
He came closer, kneeling in front of Mommy, and Duckie and I both
backed off a bit, realising they wanted a bit of privacy. Daddy asked
her if she was okay, but Mommy didn't want to answer that question, she
was too scared she'd cry, I think. Instead, she started explaining to
him what had happened, but she stopped after only a few words because
it hurt her throat to speak and she was having trouble saying it. "It
looked just like you, Mulder," was all she ended up saying. "I didn't
know."

Duckie took Daddy aside and explained to him what had happened, or at
least what she understood of it, and I cuddled up against Mommy on the
couch, being careful not to hurt her bruises. I think we both felt a
little strange, me comforting her instead of the other way round, but I
think it still made her feel better. 

After a while she sat down at the dinner table with Daddy and Duckie,
to discuss what we should all do. I hung back a little, wanting to be
part of what was going on and wishing they'd invited me, and maybe
Josh, too, to join in the discussion. Maybe they just didn't want us to
hear what they were talking about.

"He was here to kill me, Mulder," Mommy said quietly. Her voice was
starting to come back a bit but you could tell it still hurt to talk. 

Daddy nodded, gazing at her across the table. His eyes were dark - he
was angry and scared. Why didn't he at least squeeze her hand or
something? She was upset. She needed a hug. 

"They want both of us out of the way," Daddy said quietly. "Why?"

Mommy, biting down hard on her lip, just shrugged.

Daddy glanced around, at the kids and then at me. I heard the question
in his mind: What if they're after Josh and Astrid? 
"They're not going to give up that easily," he said finally. "If
there's one, there'll be others."

Mommy looked at him. "What are you saying?"

Daddy hesitated for a moment. "Right now I think all we can do is run
and cover our tracks, until we know why they want us out of the
picture."

Mommy turned in her seat and gazed at Josh, sitting on the couch.
Hannah was still asleep on his lap but Erin was playing on the floor
with her trucks and Noah was playing with Erin's toy telephone. I knew
what Mommy was thinking. We didn't want to run, to be in a strange
place. We wanted to be at home, and feel safe here, for everything to
just be normal. Mommy just wanted to be able to give Erin and Hannah a
bath, read them a story, put them to bed, say goodnight to me and
Joshie and then cuddle up with Daddy.

Duckie spoke up. "I know a place," she suggested. "A self-sufficient
farmhouse, modern amenities. It's in the middle of nowhere. Aaron's
sister bought it as a safeguard to Y2K. It's never used. I can get you
the key."

Even though Daddy was the one who'd said we had to go, it didn't sound
like he liked the idea. "We need to get Scully checked out at a
hospital."

"I'm fine, Mulder," Mommy protested, wincing as she spoke.

"I checked her over," Duckie said quietly. "She needs some rest, some
time to heal, but there's nothing really that anybody can do for her."

"We need to go, Mulder," Mommy said. I could tell how much she didn't
want to do it but she'd made up her mind. "We need to go now."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

Jacqueline, thinking more clearly than Mulder or I, suggested we swap
cars and take her SUV, which would fit the six of us and luggage. She
agreed to get the address and house keys for us, and to meet us at an
all-night diner to hand them over.

She scooped up Noah and took Ebony by the hand. Ignoring the pain in my
chest with every move, I followed them to the door.
"It might take me an hour or so for the round trip," she warned me.

I nodded. "It's okay. We need some time to pack." I felt sick
apprehension rising up inside me again as I thought of having to leave.
What if we couldn't ever come back? It had been a difficult enough
decision to just return to work Now, to leave work, our home,
Jacqueline and her kids, my mom...

I swallowed the panicky fear down. We didn't have a choice about this,
we just had to do it. The important thing was that we protected each
other and the kids. We just had to get safe.

"So..." Jacqueline hesitated. "We'll see you at the diner, about an
hour?"

I nodded, feeling as awkward and reluctant about what was unfolding as
she did. "About today..." I began, knowing I had to thank her for what
she had done, but not knowing where to begin, how to phrase it.

She smiled. "It's okay, Dana. Somebody had to, and I couldn't let
Astrid or Josh do it, could I?" A pause. "I'll admit, I was more scared
than I'd ever been in my life. But I'm just happy that I could help. It
was the least that I could do."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Daddy went downstairs with Duckie to move the babyseats into her SUV,
and when he came back up again the first thing he did was change into
dark clothes and his leather jacket. Josh and I knew what was going on,
and we understood Daddy's urgency as he told us to pack a bag full of
clothes. Mommy was moving a little slower than normal but insisted on
helping pack, grabbing handfuls of cloth diapers and other things for
Hannah, including some baby formula we had in the kitchen cupboard and
some bottles. That scared me a little - was Mommy afraid she wouldn't
be around?
I helped pack clothes for Erin - all her playclothes, some for warmer
weather and some for colder, then some of her toys, her rug, her
monkey. Then I went into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom to see if I could
help them pack. It just felt horrible to see them pulling open drawers
and throwing clothes into overnight bags, grabbing things from all over
the place that they needed. I always hated seeing them pack, but that
was usually because they were leaving us. Right then, I felt awful
because I didn't want any of us to leave, and I was scared we'd never
be able to come back. I didn't want them to be worried and hurried, I
wanted them to feel safe, for this to be just an ordinary night with us
all at home, and all we had to worry about was whether we'd miss the
beginning of the movie. It was all so horribly surreal. I hated it, and
I hated whoever it was who was after us.

Before I knew it we'd packed all the luggage in Duckie's car. Daddy had
Erin, Joshie had Hannah, and Daddy asked me to do a final sweep through
the apartment to see if we'd forgotten anything important. I went
through every room, trying to be quick, but almost crying as I looked
around and saw all the things we had to leave behind, all of my school
books and Erin's toys and Daddy's case files piled up, and Joshie's
puzzle on the coffee table, all our bathtowels hanging up in the
bathroom, all those things that made life just feel safe.

"Let's go, Astrid," Mommy called me from the doorway. She locked the
front door closed after me and took my hand, giving it a quick squeeze
as if to say everything would be okay, though we didn't know it would
be.

Daddy had parked the SUV in a side street, not wanting the FBI agents
still watching the apartment to know what was going on, and had already
strapped Erin and Hannah in. Hannah was crying, til Joshie squeezed
himself in beside her, between her babyseat and somebody's bulging bag,
and started talking to her. I was sitting in the back row next to Erin,
but for once I didn't even think about complaining that I had to
entertain her. We had to help Mommy and Daddy, not make things more
difficult for them. It was going to be like that from now on.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

We were all too tired, our emotions dulled, to say much even when we
met Jacqueline at the diner. She was waiting there with the map and key
as promised, pressing a wad of cash into my hands, and she gave Mulder
a brief rundown of the best way to get there. 
"I'd better go," she said finally. "I left the kids with Aaron."

It just wasn't the time for emotional farewells. I thanked her again
briefly for her help, she wished us luck, Mulder warned her to take the
long way home, to be careful, and then we were back on the road.



     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

We drove all night. We were all tense, silent aside from the occasional
comment from Scully or Astrid or Josh about where to turn or when to
change lanes. Erin fell asleep within minutes and woke half an hour
later, just as Scully was starting to nod off. By ten pm it felt like
midnight, and Erin and I were the only ones left awake. I put a CD on
and the two of us sang along to Sesame Street for the next hour.

Just past eleven pm. Fighting sleep, I pulled over at a truck stop,
waking Astrid to keep watch while I got myself some coffee. There was
no question that we'd keep driving until we reached the farmhouse. We
had to put as much space between them and us, as quickly as possible. 
The maplight was on when I returned to the car. Astrid had climbed into
my seat and was searching the map, wanting to know where we were going.
"If they were trailing us, you've lost them by now, right?" she asked
me.

"Maybe."

She frowned, climbing over the piled luggage to get back to her seat.
"We'd better keep going."


She fell asleep again quickly enough, and the car was silent. I put the
radio on softly, listening to the crooning country and western songs,
to the breathing of my family in the car as they slept, as we passed
through sleeping towns, our headlights piercing the dark night.

We'd never done this before, I realised. Not since Hannah was born.
Before that, there had been many late nights travelling home in the
darkness with sleeping children in the back seat, murmured
conversations and tired jokes with Scully. But never the six of us, not
before tonight. And we'd come close to never experiencing it at all.
Jacqueline had told me how close we had come to losing Scully. I'd seen
how shaken she was, I could see the bruises. But only in that moment,
glancing across at her, asleep beside me, did I realise the severity of
what had happened. We'd almost lost her. Only a few more seconds and
she'd be gone forever. No more Scully in the office, or in my arms, or
rocking Erin or Hannah to sleep. Where would we all be without her?


We stopped for gas at two am. Scully was awake when I returned to the
car with more coffee. She didn't say anything, just looked at me for a
few moments, not angry or frightened or upset, just tired, serious. "I
can drive for a while."

"You sure you're up to it?"

"You can't drive the whole way there, Mulder. You need rest." Her voice
was still quiet, a little hoarse. But she was determined. 

I nodded. "See how you go."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

By seven a.m. we could tell it was going to be a searingly hot day.
Mulder and I had been taking turns driving and he'd managed to get a
few hours sleep. The kids had slept most of the way, until Erin woke
and starting whining. We stopped at a diner just before eight for
breakfast and a bathroom break, then bundled the kids back into the car
and kept going.
It felt like summer was making one last, determined appearance for the
year. Even with the airconditioning on, the midday heat was merciless,
the roads dry and dusty. We pulled over for lunch and Astrid took over
playing mother, unpacking half the car to make peanut butter sandwiches
for everybody by the side of the road while I fed Hannah and Mulder
studied the map.

Hannah sicked up most of what had just gone down and I climbed down out
of the car to pace with her along the empty stretch of highway. It was
a still day, not even the hint of a breeze, the sky brilliantly blue,
the sun beating down, scorching. I could feel my bare arms and neck
starting to burn, and that, I realised, tenderly feeling the bruised
skin, was the last thing we needed. Had we thought to pack sunscreen? I
didn't think so. What else had we forgotten?

I managed to get Hannah settled down and passed her on to Astrid, but
then Erin wanted attention. Mulder, Astrid and Josh all jumped to stop
her, to distract her, but I brushed them away, letting Erin come to me
and lifting her up in my arms. What I'd almost lost... 
It was the first time I'd held her since last night, and she reached a
finger toward my neck, curiously. 
"Mommy got a boo?"

"Yeah, sweetie," I half-smiled, forgetting for a few beautiful seconds
the soreness and discomfort. "Mommy got a boo."

Erin pursed her lips carefully and laid a wet kiss on my neck. "Boo boo
better now?"

I smiled again, moved by her sweet innocence. "Much better."

Mulder was signalling for us to get moving again. I nodded to him,
carrying Erin back to the car and strapping her in. "Noooooo..." she
protested, when she realised what was going on.

"Little more driving, sweetie," I told her, pulling back to let Astrid
climb in beside her, praying that Astrid would be able to keep her
sister amused for at least a short while.

We packed everything back into the car. Mulder held up the keys. Are
you driving, or am I?

I reached out for them. "I'll drive."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

I guess I must have fallen asleep while we were driving, because when I
lifted my head to look around it was dark. Daddy had climbed out of the
car to open a gate, and then close it behind us. Mommy was driving. 
It felt like we were in the middle of nowhere. The grass was tall, at
least up to my waist, and all I could see was the dirt road, grass, and
rows of tall trees. And the stars. There were so many of them, so
bright. I stared up, wishing we got this many in the sky at home. There
were thousands, tiny little lights all twinkling. It was beautiful.
About ten minutes later the house came into view. I was expecting an
old, run-down place, but it was sort of new-looking, a smallish, neat
log-wood cabin. There was a shiny silver lock on the front door,
curtains on the windows, carved rails around the porch.

"Astrid and I'll check it out," Daddy announced.

So we climbed out of the car, and stepped up to the front door. A light
flickered on above us and Daddy and I both looked up, startled. 
Daddy reached up to get a better look. "It's got a sensor," he
murmured, sounding relieved. "Battery operated."

Still, we were both a little nervous as he fitted the key in the lock.
The door stuck a little as he tried to open it and he had to put more
weight against it. Finally, it swung open, and it felt like we were
looking into a monster's dark, smelly mouth. We couldn't see anything.
I ran to get a flashlight from the car. Shining it around the house, I
started to feel better. There was timber floors, an ordinary looking
dinner table with the chairs all stacked up on it. There was a couch
and an armchair, a coffee table and shelves. They were all covered with
clear plastic sheets to keep them clean. But the best things I saw were
the lamps - real lamps, plugged into a powerboard, and the kitchen sink
and stove. We had electricity *and* running water. Maybe it wasn't
going to be so bad after all.
I reached for the lamp switch and flicked it, expecting the whole room
to light up, but nothing happened.
"Generator mustn't be running," Daddy realised.

Okay, so we'd fix that, I thought. We could survive with candles for
one night. It must almost be bedtime.
We started looking around. There was a bit of a hallway to our left,
and three doors going off it. The first was a really small bathroom,
and the other two were bedrooms, one with a double bed and another with
two sets of bunks. None of the beds were made, and the mattresses were
wrapped in plastic, maybe to protect them from the damp and insects, or
maybe just because they'd never been used. Had anybody ever lived here?
It seemed so far away, so lonely. Already, I was missing home. I just
wanted my own room, my own bed.
I felt myself starting to cry and bit down hard on my lip. We had to
stay here. Home wasn't safe anymore. Somebody wanted to kill Mommy,
maybe Daddy, too, maybe us. I shouldn't be crying about having to sleep
in a strange bed, not when I still had Mommy and Daddy to tuck me in.
We all had to be strong.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

We decided to leave the generator until morning and instead lit some
candles Josh found in one of the cupboards, placing one in each room to
see where we were going. 
It felt like we carried endless loads in. Erin had woken and was under
our feet, grumpy and hungry. Hannah, hungry too, had started to cry. It
was past time for a feed, but I knew that if I let myself sit down I
wouldn't be able to get up again, so I pushed on.
All the beds needed making. There were bundles of linen and blankets in
the wardrobes, and I set the kids unwrapping them while I set up the
portable crib in our bedroom, and unloaded all the dining table chairs
to make a temporary changetable. Mulder went out to move the car to a
grove of trees a hundred yards away and on returning he caught my arm.
I was heading to check the food stores Jacqueline had told us about.
"Scully..."

"I'm fine, Mulder."

"We're almost done here. I think you should feed Hannah and then go
straight to bed."

"I'll be fine for a little longer, Mulder. I just want to get the kids
to bed."

He touched my cheek, forcing me to look him in the eye. "Are you sure?"

I knew I wanted nothing more than to just crash in bed and sleep for
the next week straight, nursing my injuries, but we didn't have that
leisure. I had to keep going, for the kids. As long as I kept telling
myself that, I could handle that.
"We're almost done, right? I can hold on a little longer."

We made the kids change into pajamas, though Astrid insisted it was
unnecessary, and brush their teeth with some bottled water Jacqueline
had packed in for us. Erin was, for once, more than ready for bed, and
asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Astrid and Josh were both
exhausted, I could tell, but also reluctant to sleep. While we'd been
driving there had always been one of us awake, on guard. We'd been
protected, safe within the four walls of the vehicle. Now, despite the
innocent coziness of the house, there was something about the remote
loneliness that made us all feel vulnerable. We were in the middle of
nowhere. While that had been our intent, we hadn't considered the flip
side - we were far away from help. We were on our own.

That seemed to be weighing both Josh and Astrid down as I tucked them
in. Both wide eyed, hugging the covers around themselves.
"I don't feel safe here," Astrid whispered to me.

I didn't know how much that was just the paranoia that I felt, and how
much real danger. I don't think Astrid knew, either.

I didn't answer her, I didn't know how. I kissed them both goodnight
and then backed up, letting Mulder murmur reassurances.

I was just standing there in our bedroom, staring blindly out the
window, when he came in. Hannah was screaming but it barely penetrated
my consciousness.

"I can give her some formula," he suggested. I started, wondering dully
if I were already half-asleep, standing up.

"No... I can do it." I reached out for her, letting Mulder sit me down
on the freshly made bed. Hannah needed no encouragement. She latched on
like a barracuda. Despite that, I felt myself starting to relax,
setting off the warning alarm in my head. I couldn't let my guard down
yet. I pushed my mind to stay awake. "Did you lock the front door?"

Mulder, reaching for pajama pants, nodded. "Deadlocked."

"And you checked all the windows?"

"We'll be safe here, Scully."

"Astrid doesn't feel safe."

"I know. She's spooked, so is Josh. We all are. If they knew something
more definite, they'd say so."

I looked around the cramped room. The double bed, chest of drawers and
mirror, wardrobe, door, the crib by the window. Admittedly, whoever had
furnished the place had attempted some level of comfort - there were
curtains, rugs, a runner for the hall. The bed linen was a simple,
gingham pattern matching the curtains, the comforter fluffy. There were
piles of blankets, enough to cuddle up in on the coldest nights. And
yet, despite the comfort, I felt uneasy, unsafe. As Mulder had said, we
were all spooked.

Hannah finished up, falling asleep against me just as Mulder was about
to climb into bed. He offered to take her from me but I shook my head,
feeling that somehow I had to see this through.

Dull stabs of pain in my chest as I bent over to lay her down in the
crib. I must have let out a small cry or murmur of pain because Mulder
came up behind me, laying his hands carefully on my hips, kissing the
back of my head. "Sleep time, Scully," he murmured, sounding concerned.

I realised suddenly I didn't even have the energy to answer him. My
shoulders slumped and my hands dropped to my side. I was so exhausted
that it hurt, my head was swimming, my body refusing to hold itself up
any longer. Rest was all that I needed to heal, Jacqueline had said,
and she'd been right, but I hadn't allowed myself that. I'd been too
afraid to let my guard down, even as I'd dozed in the car. I'd been too
afraid to face Mulder, to honestly face what I'd almost lost, what
could have been.
I don't really remember what happened then. I cried, but I was so
exhausted I don't think I could find any tears to shed. I let Mulder
just hold me against him, whisper to me, kiss my hair and my forehead.


The next few days were a blur. I slept on and off, woken by Mulder to
eat or drink, or to feed Hannah. I remember insisting that he bring her
to me, that he let me feed her rather than give her formula, though I
don't think I was producing enough milk for her anyway. Josh was
sitting on the bed beside me sometimes when I woke, just reading a book
and watching me. I found Erin asleep beside me another time, thumb in
her mouth, and sometimes it was Astrid who came to visit, wanting to
check my temperature. But most of the time it was Mulder. Every five
minutes, it felt like, he came in. Dark outside, then light again, a
warm glow through the closed curtains.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

Mommy slept pretty much for three days. It was Tuesday night and we
were playing scrabble with Daddy in the kitchen when Mommy came out. We
didn't even see her for a few minutes, she was just standing there
quietly, watching. I think it was Josh who saw her first, but Erin was
the first one who acted.
"Mommeeeeee!" She went running at Mommy, but Daddy grabbed her,
swinging her up.

"Hey, Monkey, you'll knock Mommy over. Gotta be careful, huh?"

Erin started squirming, but Daddy didn't let her down. He was looking
at Mommy. He'd been worried about her for days and I could tell he was
relieved she was looking so much better, but he still seemed concerned.
"You're feeling better?"

She nodded, hugging her summer robe around her. She was frowning a
little, looking a little uncertain. "What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"Tuesday?" she echoed, looking a little stunned. I wondered if she felt
like more or less time than that had passed. "Wow," she muttered under
her breath.

Daddy could see that she was all shaken up. He shifted Erin to his side
and drew Mommy against him, kissing her hair. She let out a sigh as she
leaned in against him. She sounded tired, still. 

"Why don't you go back to bed and rest for a while?" Daddy murmured.

Mommy shook her head, drawing back from him. "No, I'm okay." She gazed
around. "Looks like you've all started settling in, here."

We all started talking then. Wanting to tell her about how the
generator worked, the stormwater purification process and wastewater
recycling, about the huge storeroom, about the solar panels we'd put up
outside, about how the stove worked and we'd all been experimenting
with the bookful of recipes we'd found, how Daddy had let us swim in
the lake yesterday afternoon when it had been really hot. Mommy looked
a little overwhelmed hearing it all at once, but she let us show her a
couple of things before Daddy made her go back to bed. Even then, we
just followed her into the bedroom and sat on the bed with her while
she had some more soup and some bread we'd made ourselves. We'd all
been trying so hard to keep things running smoothly and everybody
behaving and busy while Mommy was sleeping, but we were all just
relieved now that she was getting better, and soon as she was recovered
she could take over again. We all felt just that little bit safer,
because she was better.

Still, I didn't feel so good about things that night. Mommy had had a
nap and gotten up just in time to put us all to bed, then she and Daddy
had sat down at the kitchen table. I was going to the bathroom when I
heard them talking.

"We've got more to lose now than ever, Mulder," Mommy was saying. "It's
not just you and me, like it used to be. Now there's a lot more he can
use against us."

I snuck back to my room and hid under the covers, feeling cold all over
even though the nights were still mild. While Mommy had been sick we'd
been able to focus on that, pretend that was our biggest problem,
getting her better and looking after each other until that happened.
But this reminded us of why we were really all out here. 

I heard Daddy start the washing up and Mommy in their bedroom, getting
for bed. I kicked back the covers and went into talk to her. She was
looking at herself in the mirror, looking at her bruises. They'd
started going a yellowy colour, that didn't look pretty at all. We'd
all sort of forgotten about her bruises, even before she got sick.
Maybe because she hadn't been complaining about them. But they must
have hurt, right? Sometimes I wished Mommy would tell us when things
hurt, so maybe we could try to fix it or make it better somehow.

"Mommy?"

She hadn't realised I was watching and she looked a little sheepish
when she saw I was there. "Hey, sweetie."

"Are you feeling better?"

She smiled a little, and nodded. "I was really out of it, huh?"

"You had a temperature of one hundred point one. Daddy was getting
worried. He knew if it got any worse we should take you to the
hospital."

"I guess we're lucky it didn't get any worse." She sighed, glancing at
her reflection again. 

"It's not too bad here," I told her, trying to give her some
reassurance. "It's beautiful, where we are. The lake is a bit cold and
sludgy, but there's lots of room to run around, lots of things to do.
Josh and I sort of like it here. I think Erin would like it too, except
she misses you so much."

A half-smile. "Well, I'm back now."

"I'm glad you're back."

She nodded, smiling again, and beckoned me closer to kiss me goodnight.
"Off to bed now, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, though I knew I'd check first to see if Daddy needed
any help with the washing up. I was out of the room when I turned back
to tell her, "Joshie and I feel safe here, now. We don't think he
followed us, or that he knows where we are."

I was expecting at least a sigh of relief, but Mommy only nodded.
"Thanks, Astrid," she said softly. 

I guess she realised, like we did, that even if we hadn't been followed
here, we couldn't hide forever. We still had to figure out how to make
ourselves safe, find out why they were after us in the first place. We
still had a long way to go before we could go home again.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

Astrid was right, it was a beautiful area. Rolling, grassy hills, tall
pines, cloudless skies. The days were still warm but more comfortable,
nothing like the scorching heat of Saturday. 
Mulder had obviously decided we were safe enough to let the kids play
outside; they'd already discovered the best trees for climbing, the
deepest part of the lake, the flattest area for soccer. I'd been
expecting to find them climbing the walls inside the cabin, crazy
without TV or e-mail or friends from school. But they were loving the
freedom. When was the last time I'd seen them this active? I wondered.
Josh and Astrid wrestling in the grass, kicking the soccerball back and
forth so skillfully Erin had no chance of intercepting it. Erin
delightedly playing endless games of hide and seek with Mulder,
although, no doubt, he never actually let her out of his sight. 

I watched them play, let Erin take me on 'tours' of the cabin and yard,
let Astrid explain to me how the food rationing was working. Josh
showed me the garden where he and Mulder had planted seeds, all three
of them explained the generator and water pump. I felt a little left
out, seeing how quickly they'd all adapted to the lifestyle. Already,
there were set times for meals, set jobs around the house, chairs
claimed at the dinner table. 

Of course, not everything was under control. They'd been keeping up
with the dishes, using everything minimally - "Fingers were invented
before forks, right?" Mulder explained - but there was a growing pile
of unwashed clothes. Washing Hannah's cotton diapers had been a
necessity, but grubby jeans were lower on the list of priorities. Also,
the place was sticky with crumbs, spilt food, and Erin's roaming
fingers. Returning to the house to put Hannah down for a nap, I found a
steady stream of ants marching through the open front door.

Bedtimes had also become erratic. Erin had always slept and woken when
she felt like it, but Mulder, Josh and Astrid had been keeping strange
hours, too, feeding Hannah during the night, being dragged awake by
Erin at the crack of dawn, keeping watch over me. Much as I appreciated
everything they had done, I had a little trouble adjusting to Josh and
Astrid disappearing just after lunch for a siesta, and Mulder pulling a
similar trick before dinner.

It was only after dinner, cooked by Astrid and I, that I found the
opportunity to just be with him. The day had calmed my fears a little,
the kids' resilience strengthened me, and, watching him throughout the
day, endlessly patient with Erin or Hannah, listening to Josh and
Astrid, I'd realised with sudden longing how much I missed just the
privacy of the two of us.

I sat out on the porch on a blanket, waiting for him to join me. It
wasn't long before he came in search. "What are you doing out here?"

I patted the rug beside me and he sat obediently, nice and close. I
closed my eyes, leaning my head against his upper arm. He slipped his
arm around me, warm and strong.
"I'm so glad you're here," I murmured, face pressed against the sleeve
of his t-shirt. "You held everything together."

"The kids helped."

"You kept them strong." I sighed, still so tired. It had been a long
day. "I'm glad you're here," I murmured again.

A low chuckle from Mulder. "Glad you're okay."

I drew back a little, reaching to kiss him on those beautiful, full
lips, lingering there for a moment before drawing back again. 

He smiled, then gave me a nudge. "Go to bed. I'll be in later."

My eyelids fluttering closed, that pleasant sleepiness pushing all
other thoughts from mind, I obeyed, moving inside, changing into
pajamas and crawling into bed, letting sleep overtake me. 


I heard him come in a while later, felt his light touch on my arm, his
bare feet brush mine under the covers. He wrapped an arm around me,
careful of my bruises but firm, protective, and he drew me close.
"Mmmmm-" was as close as I got to speaking his name. Letting myself
relax in the absolute safety of his arms, I slipped back into sleep.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

By Saturday the kids had begun to show signs of boredom. They'd been
trying so damn hard to keep things going, to keep Erin and Hannah
occupied, to keep out of our way and to give Scully time to recover,
but the novelty of the situation had worn off and the strain of keeping
up the front was starting to get to both of them. Astrid had taken
control of the wood stove, and nobody, Scully and I included, was
allowed to even add more firewood without checking with her first. It
wasn't the most practical way of doing things, but we weren't quite
prepared to confront it on her, not wanting to deal with the tantrum
that would inevitably result. 
Josh, too, was starting to suffer. He'd been so obliging and quietly
constructive in the last week that we'd almost, somehow, forgotten the
silence that had preceeded it. But now, we noticed him starting to
withdraw again, slipping away during the day. He knew better than to
disappear from sight: he sat in the grass, absorbed in his own thoughts
for hours on end, or hunched over his bible.
Scully and I saw what was happening, but with the responsibility for
occupying Erin and Hannah twenty-four hours a day back on our
shoulders, we didn't seem to get much further than just talking about
it between ourselves. Maybe we didn't want to. Though things weren't
perfect, there was a harmony that we'd settled into, something about
our whole situation that made it all, despite the circumstances,
somehow easier to deal with. No distraction of work, or school, meant
spending an unprecedented amount of time with the kids, with still time
for each other. It was a steep learning curve for all of us - instead
of being shut inside with laptops and textbooks and casefiles, we were
out chopping wood and weeding the overgrown, untended vegetable garden,
hanging laundry and cooking on the woodfire stove.


Hannah had been howling most of the afternoon and both Astrid and Erin
had thrown tantrums. Seeing everybody starting to unravel, I'd taken
Josh outside with me, and we'd cleared an area behind the cabin and set
up for a small camp fire. It was rice for dinner, again, but eating
outside on rugs around the fire seemed a welcome change. Astrid,
settling herself on my lap, produced a joke book that she or Josh had
found on the bookshelf inside, and started reading the jokes and
conundrums aloud, sending the two of them into crazy giggles like I
hadn't heard in years.
"You know what this is like?" Scully mused quietly, dropping down
beside me on the rug. "It's like that first week we had them with us."

She was right, but the realisation disturbed me, somehow. That first
week, though we'd so quickly grown attached... They hadn't been ours.
We weren't Daddy and Mommy, who helped with homework and comforted
after nightmares. We were somehow distanced again, and they were
almost... performing. Entertaining us.

Hannah, napping inside, started to cry. Scully moved to go but Astrid
and Josh beat her to it, dashing inside and returning, Hannah in his
arms, her cries already silenced. He sat carefully, letting her watch
the fire. Her eyes were dark with wonder, shining with fascination. We
wouldn't find here the ordinary child we'd been wishing for; already,
we all knew that. There was something unerringly wise about Hannah, an
amazing intelligence in the way she watched, listened, absorbing it
all. 

I nuzzled against Scully's hair, careful as ever to not irritate her
bruises. "Look what we made," I murmured.

A smile. "Yeah, we did good." She wriggled closer, drawing my arms
around her waist and leaning right back against me, eyes closed.

"Tired?"

"Only a little. I just like being here, in your arms."

There was a change from that first week, an honest admission made
freely, comfortably, not coaxed out in a moment of sleepy
vulnerability.
 

I found her out on the porch again that night, after all the kids were
in bed. While the weather was still mild, she seemed to prefer it to
being inside. It was certainly a view to behold - the moonlit fields,
long grass, dark pine grove, and the stars...
"It's so beautiful here," she murmured softly. But then she sighed.
"The mosquitos are terrible, though. Erin's covered in bites."

I found a small, pinkish lump on her bare neck, then another. "You've
got a couple yourself. Did we bring anything to put on them?"

"I found some ointment in the storeroom." She sounded a little
distracted, and didn't really seem to notice the kisses I dropped on
her neck around the bites. "Mulder, we can't stay out here forever. You
know that.."

"We won't be here forever, Scully."

"We can't go home until we know we're safe... What choice do we have?"

"We'll think of something, okay?"

She nodded, then sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm not helping."

"We're all having trouble dealing with it," I reassured her. "Long as
you don't take after Astrid and throw a tantrum, I think you can get
away with it."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Have you ever seen me throw a tantrum, Mulder?"
she challenged coolly.

"I've seen you yell," I countered.

She smiled widely, and I stepped closer, cupping her cheeks and kissing
her. Slipping her arms around my neck, she responded without
hesitation; obviously she'd missed this as much as I had. But then she
drew back, reluctant.

"Erin's going to be waking us up in six hours. We should get to bed..."

I kissed her again, my hands on her waist, stroking her sides. "Bed,
huh?"

Amusement, and a knowing smile. "That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." I swung her up into my arms. "Let's go."

"Mulder, no..." she protested. One arm still around my neck, holding
on, she reached with her free hand to touch my cheek as she added by
way of explanation, "Hannah's in there."

I nodded, understanding, and realising in that same moment that I knew
exactly where I wanted to take her. I let her down to the ground
carefully, grinning. "Let's go for a swim."

She followed my gaze. "In the lake? Mulder, it's late, and it's too
cold."

"I'll keep you warm. C'mon, Scully," I cajoled, wondering if she
remembered the promise I'd made to her. It felt like forever ago, but
it couldn't have been more than a month. "It's our lake. Shimmering
like oil in the moonlight."

She remembered, I could tell. She smiled despite herself, taking my
hand silently, and she let me lead her down to the water's edge.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

Mulder and Astrid went into the town Monday morning. We wanted to stock
up on some food supplies, including fresh vegetables and some meat,
more formula for Erin, just in case, plus there was a short list of
things we'd forgotten to pack and not found in the storeroom - mosquito
netting being a high priority.
Jacqueline had given us cash before we'd left - whether she'd gone to
an ATM, had the money at home or borrowed it from Aaron Harrison, I
wasn't sure, I was only grateful that she'd been thinking so far ahead.
It was almost two thousand dollars in twenty and fifty dollar notes,
not a huge amount of money in the long term but definitely useful. No
phones or credit cards was the unspoken rule, and as badly as we were
beginning to want contact with the outside world, to reassure my mom
and Jacqueline that we were safe, we weren't prepared to risk
disclosing our location.
Astrid had been excited to go into town with Mulder, and you would have
thought that the bags of groceries were filled with treasure for the
excitement they caused. The kids were digging through them,
investigating. I sent them off with Mulder to fix the netting around
Erin's bed and Hannah's crib, while I started unpacking. I found at the
bottom of one paper bag a small pack of cards, each with an illustrated
brainteaser on them. 
"Daddy said we could get them," Astrid explained, plucking the pack
from my hands and tearing off the plastic wrapper. "He said they should
keep us occupied for at least a couple of hours."

Within ten minutes she, Josh and Mulder were all sitting around the
dinner table, going through the cards. I watched them for a few
moments. Some of the questions were easier - they would scan it for a
second, flip it over to check the answer, then smile, toss it down, and
pick up the next one. Some were harder and had them scribbling madly
with pen and paper. Inside of half an hour, they'd gotten at least two
thirds of the way through the pack.

"Okay, time out," I announced, scooping them up. "Save some questions
for later. I need somebody to help me with dinner." They'd brought home
a bag of ice and rigged up some old cartons in the storeroom to keep
the meat refridgerated, but the sooner it was cooked and eaten, the
better, as far as I was concerned.

Mulder volunteered Josh to help me and stretched out on the couch,
muttering that he'd kill for a pizza. Hannah woke from her nap,
distracting Josh, and Astrid had disappeared into their bedroom with
the confiscated cards. It seemed that after the high of the arrival of
the groceries, we had all hit a low.

The brainteasers seemed to have reminded kids of the challenges they
were missing at school, because they were both quiet and moody all
afternoon. The stormclouds gathering outside only added to the tension.
Astrid threw a tantrum when Josh took one of the cards without asking.
Erin got caught in the crossfire and ended up in tears, then Mulder
lost his temper and yelled at Astrid. Hannah started screaming.

When the storm broke outside at quarter past six, nobody was talking.
Astrid was sulking in the kids room, Mulder pacing silently in the
kitchen with Hannah, and Josh playing quietly on the rug with Erin. I
almost didn't call dinner, wondering if I should instead just feed them
quietly one at a time, give everybody time to lick their wounds, but
then I went ahead and set the table anyway. "Dinner," I announced
brusquely. "Now."

It was a silent meal, and they didn't seem to be able to sneak away
soon enough. I called Mulder back to make Erin finish her dinner, and
then I went in search of the kids.
Astrid had gone back to their room and crawled into bed. I sat down
beside her with a sigh. "Want to talk to me about it?"

"No."

"I know everybody's been trying very hard for the last week to get
along and keep things together. It's not easy. We all miss home."

"I'm tired."

"I know, sweetie." And I understood. It was an effort to be 'on',
twenty-four hours a day, trying to get along, help out, keep everything
running smoothly. I'd forgotten how much difference a simply change of
scenery made, the freedom to be able to go to the park or the mall. For
Astrid, with such an appetite for the world, new learning, new people,
this was an enormous restriction.


I left her there and went out to the porch. It had stopped raining but
was there still a light mist, and a thick fog had set in. I could only
see a dozen yards down the path. It was a little eerie and I shivered,
feeling isolated.
I retreated inside. Mulder was stretched out on the couch, Erin asleep
against him. I kneeled down to kiss her curly head, closing my eyes as
I listened to her breathing. Mulder's long fingers brushed my back and
I wriggled closer, curled up against the edge of the couch.
"It's only been a year, you know," he mused quietly.

I lifted my head to see his face, curious. "A year since what?"

"Since she was first diagnosed."

A year since the leukemia diagnosis? It was much longer, surely. So
much had happened since then. We'd lost Erin and gotten her back again.
We'd had Hannah. We'd seen death and betrayal and such enormous changes
in each of us. Only a year? It must have been the longest year of my
life. Such heartache, first at the diagnosis and then at the relapse,
the terror of not knowing, and the agony of losing her... It still
haunted me.

I drew a shaky breath. "At least that's over, now."

"We're stronger for it."

Were we? I wondered. I didn't know, sometimes. 

I moved away from him, tossing more wood on the fire and sitting close,
feeling the warmth on my face as I gazed into the flames. Behind me, I
heard Mulder moving off the couch and leaving the room. A few moments
later I felt his hand on my back. He stretched out on his side, tugging
me closer, and I wriggled right up against him. It was just a content,
tender moment. We were both worn our by everything that had been
happening and the emotions on the day, the added weight of the
anniversary. One year? What a year.

He drew back and I felt the light touch of his fingertips on my neck.
"Your bruises are almost gone," he murmured.

I was almost healed, outside, if not in. But with that acknowledgement
I only felt more afraid. We'd been hiding out, giving ourselves time to
recuperate. But what, now? We couldn't stay here forever, just hiding,
biding our time. It was time to take action. We had to start thinking
seriously about what we could do.

"We need to talk about what we're going to do, Mulder."

His arms closed over me again, warm and protective. "I know. We'll talk
about it in the morning."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

I'd promised we'd talk about it, but somehow when morning came it
wasn't our highest priority. Josh and Astrid were still grumpy and so
Scully and I came up with a list of challenges for them, structuring
the day into different subjects from math to art, using the scanty
resources we could find around the place. Astrid loved it. Josh was
less eager, but in the end he did seem to appreciate the distraction.
It was as much of a challenge for Scully and I as for the kids, having
to come up with activities interesting enough to occupy the kids.
Halfway into the day we were struggling and Astrid hit on a brilliant
suggestion: that she and Josh come up with lessons for each other, and
for Erin. This relegated Scully and I to basically supervisory
positions, which let us keep better track of the kids' overall
emotional states, as well as keeping Erin and Hannah amused.

Hannah was listless and quiet most of the day. A virus of some sort,
Scully assured me. Nothing dangerous or extraterrestrial, just run of
the mill. Still, we kept the door open to our bedroom as she slept that
afternoon and evening, and one of us was in there every ten minutes to
check on her. We tried to keep Erin away, not wanting her to catch
anything, but for Josh and Astrid, checking on her was just another
welcome task in the day to keep them busy.


Hannah seemed better already by Wednesday morning. The kids were
itching to better explore the district and so I took them out - the
day's geography lesson: we were measuring the approximate area of the
land. The kids were doing the calculations in their heads and argued
over the end result. When we returned, question still unanswered, I
found Scully sitting at the dinner table with pen and notepad, Hannah
asleep on her lap, Erin setting up a careful trail of dominos around
her feet. 
She looked up as we came in. "How'd you go?"

"Still trying to agree on the exact number of square meters in a square
mile," I answered flippantly. "What are you up to?"

"Just sketching out some ideas."

"Ideas?"

She smiled sheepishly. "For our book."

"Our book?" I echoed, intrigued, teasing her just a little.

"It was your idea in the first place, Mulder." She sounded a little
defensive, embarrassed.

"Yeah... but I thought you thought it was a stupid idea."

"I never said it was a stupid idea." She held my gaze. "So, are we
doing this, or what?"

I drew up a chair. "Let's do it." I was in a playful mood, I wasn't
entirely sure why. The fresh air had had something to do with it, and
just getting some space between us. I'd come back from our hike
revived.

A look, then she pushed the notepad across the table for me to read. It
was a list of about a dozen of our cases, some more memorable than
others. She hadn't, I noted, included her abduction, Donnie Pfaster, or
any other of those nightmare-material cases. I couldn't blame her for
it. There was no real need to stir up those old memories. I couldn't
help noticing that she hadn't mentioned the bounty hunter either. Maybe
she left that out because she didn't have any rational explanation for
it, or maybe because that also was too fresh, too frightening to
consider.

The bounty hunter... We still didn't know for sure why he had come back
into our lives. Who was his target? Scully? Myself? Both of us? He'd
almost killed her; why? Trying to get her out of the way? 
"Scully..." I laid down the notepad, looking up at her slowly. "What if
it's not us he's after?"

She looked at me sharply. "Who?"

"The bounty hunter. He knows we'd protect them with our lives. What if
you and I are just ...in the way?"

"Mulder..." she warned.

I had to ask the question, I couldn't stop myself. "What if he's after
one of the kids?"

She held my gaze steadily, her lips pressed tightly together. I could
see the apprehension in her eyes. Then she broke away, staring at the
sleeping baby on her lap. "Josh and Astrid?" she asked quietly,
controlled.

It seemed the most likely answer. Jacqueline had said, once, something
about her parents using alien technology. But - "How would he know that
they're special? And why now? What's happened to alert him?"

She thought it through, forehead creased in a crown. "Did you share the
results of Astrid's ESP test with anybody?"

"Only Frohike and the boys, and I didn't tell them that it was Astrid.
Nobody else outside the family." The offices of the Lone Gunmen were
swept daily for bugs and surveillance equipment; there was almost no
chance of our conversation having been overheard. 

Scully shrugged, lifting Hannah up and pushing her chair back from the
table. She left the room silently. Only a minute later, though, she
called out my name.

I found her in the bedroom, kneeling beside the crib, watching the baby
sleep. She was still, but I could feel the tense fear radiating from
her. "It's Hannah."

"What?"

"She had a bloodtest last week, last Wednesday. The BATF raid took
place Thursday morning. The timing's right. But it doesn't make any
sense..."

She was right, it didn't make any sense. Hannah? The one child who had
been naturally conceived...? Then I realised. "Think about it, Scully,"
I said quietly, horrified as I pieced the facts together. "Your
abduction, whatever they infected me with in Russia... Jacqueline
removed the impurities from our DNA when she created Erin, but
Hannah... Whatever it is, she's inherited it in pure form."

I could see Scully struggling with it. "Mulder, no..." 

"She's important to them, Scully. So important they killed five
innocent agents just to try and get rid of me, to kill you, so that
they could get to her."

She was silent, trying to absorb it, understand it, believe it. Why did
they want her? Who were 'they'? What was it within her that made her so
important? An alien virus, lying dormant, disguised as inactive DNA?
What was Hannah? And the biggest question: did they want to protect
her, or to destroy her?

"If she's really that important to them, Mulder..." Scully said,
sounding strained. "They'll stop at nothing to find her. We won't be
safe here."

She was right - they would track us down, sooner or later. But what
could we do? Just keep running and hiding the rest of our lives? We
couldn't live like that, not all six of us. It just wasn't possible.
What were our alternatives?

A howl from the kitchen. Erin, in real pain. "Stay here," I warned
Scully, heart pounding with panic at the sound of Erin's wails but
still aware of the urgency to protect Hannah, the possibility of some
sort of decoy.
Josh and Astrid had beat me there. Astrid had Erin in her arms,
thrashing and screaming while Astrid and Josh tried to hold her hand
under the faucet. The stove light was on; Erin must have been playing
with it, must have touched the hotplate. 

She howled and howled and howled. Scully had come running from the
bedroom, Hannah in arms, and taken over, though the kids already seemed
to know how to handle the situation. We still had enough ice, and there
were bandages and burn cream in the storeroom. I held onto Hannah as
Scully tended to Erin's injury with that grim confidence, unable to rid
my mind of the thought that this might have been more than a simple
accident. Erin knew better than to touch the stove. 

It took hours to get her calmed down, despite even Josh's best efforts.
Late afternoon as Scully and I took turns pacing on the porch with her.
The sun was low in the sky, throwing long shadows. So still, so
peaceful, and yet neither of us could smile. Erin's burns were only
minor, Scully said, and would heal in time. We'd been lucky. If it had
been worse, we wouldn't have had any choice but to take her to a
hospital, and then we could have been traced in a second.

I left Josh, Erin and Hannah with Scully and took Astrid with me to
check over the property, wanting to put to rest my fear that we had
already been found. There were no traces of an intruder; the only
footprints we found belonged to the kids or myself. But that was a
danger in itself, wasn't it? We'd made no effort to hide that we were
living there. The smoke from our chimney would have given away our
presence to anybody searching.

We all must have felt the uneasiness because none of us went to bed
until late that night, and even then both Scully and I lay awake, Erin
curled up between us. Scully finally fell asleep around three-thirty.
Hannah had been unusually quiet since her feed and I climbed out of bed
to check on her.

She was wide awake, eyes bright, alert. It looked almost as though she
was listening, but to what? I stood for a moment, straining to hear
anything, but there was only silence.
A little unnerved, I lifted Hannah from the crib, taking her out to the
living room. Josh was sitting at the kitchen table, fully dressed. On a
heightened level of alertness, none of us had changed into pyjamas. 
"Hey, buddy," I greeted him, a little surprised. "What are you doin'
up?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." He paused, frowning. "Are we near a
satellite transmitting station?"

The question intrigued me. Was he hearing what Hannah was hearing? I
wondered. "Why do you ask that?"

"I think ... I can hear it."

"What can you hear?"

He was still frowning. "Just noise. Voices, maybe.."

Voices? Did Hannah hear them, understand them? Were they calling her,
somehow?

"Human voices?" I wondered quietly.

Josh shrugged, troubled. "I don't know." He shivered and rubbed his
arms as if cold. Slipping off his chair, he went over to the window,
looking out, clearly uneasy. I saw that he was trembling all over, now.

"What's wrong?" I asked sharply.

"Something's coming."

My breath caught at his words, my heard started pounding crazily in my
chest. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. "What?"

"People."

"Who?"

Josh bit his lip, glancing at me, then back out into the blackness.
"Listen," he urged.

I moved over to him, straining my ears. A faint whirring in the
distance, growing closer. A helicopter. They were coming for us.
I ran for Scully. She was still fast asleep, curled up on her side with
Erin against her. I shook her awake. "They're here. We've gotta go."

She gazed at me for half a second, dazed, before understanding sunk in.
Kicking back the covers, she lifted Erin up, the little girl letting
out a surprised cry at being woken and starting to whine. I pulled on
my shoes and tossed Scully hers.
The helicopter was drawing closer, the whirring much louder. Within
minutes it would be deafening. 
"Daddy..." It was Astrid in the doorway, face fearful, Josh coming up
beside her. "There's cars coming up the hill, a whole lot of them."

"We've got to go," I muttered.

Scully looked at me. "Where?" 

Where? I didn't know. We'd explored the land but never properly mapped
out an escape route. Somehow, we'd never really believed that we'd need
one. What could we do? Run? Where? 
I grabbed our weapons from the bureau drawer, then took Scully's arm,
herding the kids along the corridor. "Everybody in the car."

There were half a dozen cars, black sedans, and two SWAT vans, all in a
line. We could see the headlights as they wove their way through the
darkness. Outside, the helicopter had become a roar, the searchlight
swinging across the landscape, panning the grass and pines. 

We were outnumbered. We were going to get caught. Unless...
"I'll lead them off. You take the kids, and run."

"No, Mulder! We're not splitting up!"

I pressed her weapon into her hand. "Protect the kids, Scully. Go." 

She looked at me, tortured. It was an agonising moment. I didn't want
to do it any more than she wanted me to, but it had to be done.
It was Astrid who made the decision. Grabbing Hannah from my arms, she
tugged Scully. "We've got to go, Mommy. Daddy can take care of himself.
We've got to go."

With one last helpless glance, Scully followed. They disappeared into
the shadows behind the house. I climbed into the car, fumbled with the
key in the ignition. The engine roared to life, I put the car into gear
and hit the accelerator. 

Thank God for the SUV, was all I could think as I headed north. It was
hilly and rocky farmland, the car bouncing. Seeing the glare of
headlights in my rear-view mirror, I pulled a sharp left and headed
toward the pine grove. There were more of them than I'd thought, though
- three or four sets of headlights, rigght on my tail. Reaching the edge
of the forest, I abandoned the car and ran. The kids and I had hiked
here several times, I knew I had the advantage of familiarity. But I
was still outnumbered. The ground ahead of me was illuminated in
flashes of fluorescent white from the helicopter above. I could hear
indecipherable orders from a megaphone, shouts from my pursuers. I
entered heavier forest and was running blind, pushing through dark
brush, not knowing which direction I was running in, only knowing that
I hadn't lost them, they were still within a hundred yards, and
closing. The roar of the blades above me grew louder, shafts of light
penetrating the thick foliage. Dust and dirt was caught up in the wind,
thrown in my eyes, almost blinding me for a moment. The helicopter was
flying low. I spun, confused, losing my direction. I could hear them
coming closer, shouting, their voices coming from all around, and I
knew that I was surrounded. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

We were crouched in the shadows behind the storage shed. I knew most of
the cars had followed Mulder, and the helicopter too, but some had
stayed at the cabin and were searching inside, trying to find us, I
knew. I could hear their shouts and see the flashes of light, the
thudding of their footsteps. I couldn't make out their words, but they
sounded like orders, and the voices sounded American. Was this a
military operation?
I looked at Astrid and Josh, both white faced. Erin was whimpering in
my arms. Hannah, in Astrid's arms, was silent and wide-eyed. Amazing
baby. 
"We've got to run, you understand me? Just keep running til you find a
hiding place and stay there."

Astrid nodded, then Josh, a fraction of a second later. We were all
breathing heavily, tired after our short sprint, afraid for ourselves
and for Mulder. Dear God, take care of Mulder, I prayed silently,
desperately. Don't let these kids get hurt. 
I could hear footsteps edging closer to where we hid. We'd hesitated
too long. "Go," I urged, pushing Astrid. She took off, holding Hannah
against her, an unwieldy bundle. Josh followed after her, right on her
heels, then me with Erin. 
The kids were trying to stick to the shadows, but despite their best
efforts, I knew we'd been seen. I could hear the shouts behind us
growing louder, and among the jumble of voices one came through very
clearly.
"FBI! Stop, lay down, and put your hands in the air."
I stopped, more out of surprise than anything else, and swung around. I
saw a kevlar-vested, helmeted agent, weapon raised, pointed right at
me. "FBI," he called out again, holding the weapon steady. "Don't
move."

Erin was crying. My head was throbbing with the running and bright
lights and the noise. I didn't even think to raise the weapon in my
hand at him. I just stared at him, torn. I knew they'd been watching
the apartment but the FBI was the last thing I'd expected. How could I
be sure this wasn't a trick? What could I do if it was? Nothing much.
With Erin in my arms, I couldn't unrun him, and I didn't want to get
shot in the back trying.
"Put your weapon on the ground and kick it toward me."

"Who are you?" I shouted out. "Show me some ID."

"Special Agent Stedman with the BATF. Put the weapon on the ground,
Agent Scully. I don't like pointing guns at little kids."

Stedman. The name was familiar, so was his face. I could see that he
meant what he had said, and I knew that the only way out of this was
cooperation. They were FBI, not the real enemy. They weren't here to
kill us. The worst that could happen at the hands of the bureau was
prison, and we would fight every step of the way til Mulder's name was
cleared. It was time to surrender. I obeyed slowly, tossing my Sig
Sauer to the grass and stepping back from it. 

Erin was whimpering, scared and confused. "Mommy... Wanna go home. Want
Daddy..."

"It's okay sweetie," I murmured, kissing her forehead, not taking my
eyes off the agents, now four of them, all dressed like the first,
facing me.

Stedman came closer to me, not lowering his firearm, motioning for the
agents to move in. "Agent Scully, you are under arrest for aiding and
abetting a known fugitive. You have the right to remain silent..." He
droned on, and I barely heard what he said, until he finished with,
"Lower the child to the ground."

For a moment I almost refused to follow the instruction. Erin's warmth
in my arms, her sobs, the life in her... I almost couldn't let it go,
my mind full of what ifs. What if this was a trick, after all? What
would they do to her? 
"Put the child down, Agent Scully," Stedman warned. 

I obeyed, letting Erin down. She whined, reaching to be picked up
again, letting out a shriek as an agent darted in and swept her up. She
wriggled and kicked and screamed. The pain in my chest was so great I
felt it would explode at any minute, but I forced myself to sound
comforting as I called out, "It's okay, sweetie. I'll be back soon,
okay? Don't worry."
My hands were tugged behind my back and forced into handcuffs. Had
Mulder been caught? I wondered apprehensively, as I was led back to the
house, my eyes not leaving the back of the agent holding my kicking,
sobbing daughter. What about Astrid and Josh and Hannah? I didn't know
whether to hope they had been caught or not. I didn't want the kids
wandering alone, scared out of their wits, hiding.
The cars had returned to the cabin, half a dozen of them parked with
headlights on, dazzlingly bright. Strange relief flooded with me when I
saw Mulder standing right in the middle of it all, handcuffed like me,
an agent on either side, but unhurt. I could hear Erin still screaming
from inside one of the cars. No sign of the kids with Hannah. How far
had they gone?

"We've still got three minors unaccounted for," the agent in charge
barked. "That includes a four-month old infant. I want the chopper
circling and every agent out there. The last thing we need on our
conscience is three lost kids. Media'd have a field day. So let's
move."

Mulder met my eyes. Where are they? Are they safe?

I shook my head helplessly. I don't know. 


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER -

I saw as Scully was forced into a parked car by the supervising agents.
The agent beside me pulled open the door of another parked car. "Agent
Mulder." 

I protested. "The kids don't know who's after them. They're scared.
You're not going to find them, they're going to hide and stay hidden."

"We'll find them, Agent Mulder."

I was getting frustrated. "No, you don't understand. They're not afraid
of the FBI, they're afraid of something far worse. They think you're
it. We all thought that. That's why we ran."

"What 'something' worse?"

I knew I'd sound crazy trying to explain it there. I just shook my
head. "Just let one of us go out with you. You won't find them,
otherwise."

"I can't do that. You know the rules, Agent Mulder."

I wouldn't give up. "They're my kids. Let me find them."

"Rules is rules, Agent Mulder. I'm sorry."


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- ASTRID -

My feet were scratched and bleeding all over the place. Even though the
scratches were healing quickly, it still hurt. Neither me or Josh had
put shoes on before we'd left.
"Can you hear them?" I whispered to Joshie.

He frowned, concentrating. "They're getting closer."

"Who are they?"

"I don't know," he answered, still frowning. "They're not evil. They're
worried that they can't find us."

"Did they catch Mommy and Erin?"

"Yes. They caught Daddy, too. It's just us, now."

His words made me shiver, even more scared than I had already been. I
hugged Hannah closer against me. "What should we do?" Our options were
to keep running and hiding, like we had been for almost an hour, or to
give up. I was tired and Hannah had kept crying, though she'd fallen
asleep now. I didn't want to keep running. I hated being afraid like
that. 

I heard Joshie's words in my head.

They're coming closer.

My heart was pounding away in my chest. I felt sick, I was so scared.

Are they bad?

I don't know. They've got guns.

We can't let them get Hannah.

I don't think they're after her.

Who, then?

I think they were after Daddy.

How can you be sure?

I can't. 

Footsteps crunching through the bushes nearby. I held my breath,
praying that Hannah wouldn't cry, that they wouldn't know that we were
there. There were shouts, in the distance, and the footsteps left
again.

Are they gone?

For the moment.

Should we keep moving?

Josh bit his lip, and I knew what he was feeling. We couldn't just
leave Mommy and Daddy and Erin. Who knew what was going to happen to
them. But, then, we had to look after Hannah, too. If she was the one
they were after, after all...

So we kept going. We were heading toward the town, I knew. It was at
least another couple of miles to the closest house, and everything
between that was forest. I didn't really want to go into the forest at
night, it was just scary, but I didn't know what else we should do. It
seemed like a better place to hide, at least.

We went into the forest. It was all dark and the ground all prickly and
sharp under our feet. Hannah woke up and started whimpering - she must
have been hungry, it was about time for a feed, but we didn't have
anything to give her, so I just whispered to her as we walked along,
trying to get her to be quiet. It didn't work, though. Even with Joshie
trying to keep her quiet she just kept getting noisier and noisier, til
she was screaming, and they must have been able to hear us everywhere.
We could hear voices shouting in the distance, and they were coming
closer, following us, so we started running, but we could hardly see
where we were, it it was just shadows everywhere, and night noises,
animals as they slithered all over the place. I tripped and hurt my
arm, really hurt it, like it was broken or something, and I knew that
we couldn't just keep running, because we might end up hurting Hannah. 

We've gotta find a hiding place, Joshie.

There were plenty of places to hide behind, but finding one that hid us
from all directions wasn't so easy. We ended behind a fallen tree, the
three of us squished between the tree trunk and another large trunk,
with the willowy branches shrouded around us. The problem was, Hannah
still wouldn't stop crying. Josh was trying rocking her and singing to
her and letting her suck on his finger, but she wanted food. Even when
we managed to get her a little more quiet, we couldn't get her to stop
completely, and we could hear them getting closer, crashing through the
brush. My heart was hammering and I held my breath. They were so close
we could see them as they moved. Could they see us? Or were we hidden
in the shadows. God, please don't let them see us here, I prayed
desperately. Please, please, please God, look after us. Don't let us
get hurt.

A whistle and a shout. "Over here." A shadow loomed over us.

I almost screamed, I was so scared. But Josh touched my arm, gently. 

It's okay. We're safe, now.


     - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY -

They let me with Erin, unable to stop her crying by themselves, but
wouldn't uncuff me, which made comforting her difficult. In the end,
she fell asleep curled up on my lap, head resting on my breast, arms
curled around her monkey, who had been rescued from the cabin.

It was almost an hour since they'd dispersed to search for Astrid, Josh
and Hannah. I was going crazy with not knowing. Astrid and Josh could
look after themselves, and look after Hannah, but I knew they'd be
terrified. I didn't want that burden on them. It wasn't fair.

The vans were coming back. I saw the headlights in the distance, and my
chest contracted with apprehension. "Did they find them? Are they
okay?"

But I couldn't get a straight answer out of the agents babysitting me.
I wondered if Mulder was as frustrated as I was. Hannah was out there.
She'd be wanting a feed. If they'd let us help search, we'd be able to
find them, and the kids would know to trust us. 

The vans pulled up, and armed agents piled out. One climbed out with
Astrid in his arms, then Josh climbed out by himself, holding Hannah.
Relief flooded my whole body. They were okay. Josh and Astrid looked a
little scratched and bloody, but they were okay. I could hear Hannah
crying.

"Are they hurt? I'm a doctor. If they're hurt -"
The agents must have been feeling guilty about the bungled arrests,
because I was uncuffed and allowed out of the car as the kids were let
over to me. They came running, limping a little on the rough ground,
Astrid holding her right arm awkwardly against her.
For several minutes they were just hugging me and crying. Erin had
woken and started sobbing, too. Hannah was screaming. Past time for a
feed. I felt a little overwhelmed, not knowing who to tend to first,
wishing that Mulder was there with me. But, above that all, still
relieved, that we were all safe; for the moment, at least. Who knew
what lay ahead.

"What happened to your arm, sweetie? Let me have a look."

Astrid sniffed back tears. "I fell over as we were running... I think I
broke it. It really hurt, Mommy." My heart went out to her. She had
been the brave one, the adult, but right now she was just a scared,
hurt nine year-old.

One arm holding Erin on my hip, I reached out to examine Astrid's arm.
She was right - it had been broken, but was already healing. She'd
known to keep it straight so that the bones fused back together again
properly. "Does it still hurt, sweetie?"

She sniffed again. "Not so much," she admitted. She burst out, "Mommy,
we didn't know if they were bad or not, so we had to keep running. We
didn't know what to do. And Erin was crying and crying..."

"It's okay, Astrid. You did the right thing, okay? Both of you did." I
glanced up at the two agents standing only a few feet away, and lowered
my voice. "Keep your arm hidden til it heals, okay?"

She nodded, understanding. 

One of the agents stepped closer. "Agent Scully, it's time to go."

I saw Josh's lower lip tremble, and I wished I'd had the chance to
comfort him. Astrid still looked upset, and Erin was whimpering. Hannah
was still hungry. The thought of breastfeeding under FBI supervision
didn't really appeal, nor was I sure they'd even allow me the time.
Heavy-hearted, I passed Erin to Astrid, making sure she held her on her
left side, using her good arm. Erin started sobbing again, and reached
out to me, but Astrid shakily hushed her, jiggling her like Josh did
Hannah.
"Make sure Hannah gets some formula. Get somebody to take a look at
Erin's hand too, okay? You'll be fine. We'll get this all sorted out, I
promise. Just keep them safe." Keep Hannah safe, I added silently. You
know what from. You're the only ones who can see the danger. Keep her
safe from him.

Erin had dropped Monkey to the ground. I reached down to pick it up,
passing it to her. "Take care of Monkey, sweetie."

"Mommy..." she howled.

Astrid's face crumpled. "Mommy, don't go.. We can't..."

"You have to. You can do it, I know you can. Promise me."

"Mommy, no..."

"Promise me, Astrid."

"I promise," she mumbled, biting down hard on her lip.

"Josh?"

He nodded soberly.

The handcuffs were snapped back on my wrists, and I was pushed back
into the car. "Watch your head."

"I'll see you soon," I promised. I don't know how I managed to sound so
calm, when inside I felt so desperate, so scared for the kids and
ourselves, so angry that it had happened that way.

Astrid had managed to get herself under control, and she and Josh stood
in grim, agonised silence, but Erin and Hannah were both still
screaming. 

The car door was shut, and the key turned in the ignition. The kids
were herded from sight, and I found myself staring out at the cabin,
warmly lit. It had so quickly become a home, our safe haven, and now we
were leaving it and everything behind.

What would happen to us all? I wondered. The kids would be released;
Mom would take care of them, and Jacqueline would help. They would all
protect Hannah from the monster after her, until Mulder and I figured
out some way of proving his innocence. Now we knew who was in danger
and who she was in danger from, we were no longer fighting blind. We'd
get through this, somehow.

I rested my head on my knees, closed my eyes, and prayed.


TO BE CONTINUED...?