TITLE:  The Genesis Project II 
AUTHOR:  aRcaDIaNFall$ 
FEEDBACK:  as always, is welcomed, cherished and framed at
arcadianfalls@yahoo.com.au. 
RATING:  PG-13 
SPOILERS: 
CLASSIFICATION: SRA 
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, please. I'll send to Gossamer myself. :) 
SUMMARY: Sequel to The Genesis Project, set about 18 months later. You
might want to read that first so you can make something approaching sense
out of this. (Please note that I've given away absolutely nothing of the
plot!) 
DISCLAIMER:  I'll give you a lil hint: Any characters you recognise from 
TV are property of the FOX network and I'm just borrowing them.  
AUTHORS NOTE: This fic swaps character POVs every part. Each part (except
the first) is labelled to minimise confusion. 
  

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The Genesis Project II 
by aRcaDIaNFall$  
  

Her gaze was steady, her stance confident and authoritive. Only her sweaty
palms betrayed the nervousness and anxiety she felt as she shuffled the
pile of papers on the oak table, drawing a deep breath and glancing down at
her notes before returning her cool, penetrating gaze to her listeners.
This was only the fifth or sixth time she'd sat in on a meeting for
department heads, and the first time as chairperson. She was nervous as
hell, and hiding it was no easy job. 
Tapping the pages on the tabletop again, she began to speak, her tone
precise and unfaltering as she covered progress reports and described in
detail the changes she was intending on making. There was a mixed reaction
among her contemporaries. 

"This may be a foolish question, but have you recently read a copy of the
Project's vision statement?"  
Up until this one she'd answered all the questions thrown at her
competently and without hesitation, having anticipated them and prepared
responses. She stared hard at the man who had asked the question. There was
a cold, patronising smirk on his face, and it was a sight she was more than
familiar with. If there was one person she disliked most intensely, this
was him. Her rise to authority and a position which required some respect
clearly meant nothing to him, as he treated her now in the same
contemptuous, belittling way he had when she'd dealt with him for her life.
He seemed more spiteful now than ever, resentful of her quick rise in the
chain of command. He had spent more years on the Project than she had been
alive. And now she had now been granted control. It was an enormous blow to
his ego. 

Her level gaze didn't waver. "You'll find a copy of the Project's previous
vision statement in the notes on the table in front of you," she said
coldly. "You'll also find our new vision statement, which I was about to
read aloud. It follows on immediately after my list of necessary changes to
take place within the next six months. Page twelve." 

She poured herself a glass of water from the table and took only a sip
before setting it down, calmly watching as the eight men around the table
all rifled through their presentation folders and began to skim through her
carefully typed up vision statement. But the calm was all an act; this was
the moment of truth and she'd never anticipated anything more in her life. 

They looked up, one by one, as they finished reading. She'd expected that
most of them would carefully conceal any emotions they had in response to
her rewritten vision statement, but she'd underestimated the enormity of
the change in their eyes. The reaction around the table was explosive; she
had never seen any of them so animated, so angry. 

"What the hell is this?!" The contemptuous manner was gone, and she could
see the vein in his forehead starting to pulse madly. "This is mad! It
defeats everything we've worked for!" 

"I'm aware that many of you will see this as an outragous proposal," she
agreed calmly, knowing that her logic was strong enough, but not completely
confident of whether she was making this move too soon. "But these changes
would enable us to reveal, in part, the work of the Project to the science
community. What are we acheiving in continuing this work? Very little,
really. If we can take what we've learned to the public, the possibilities
are limitless. There are so many people out there who we can help. Think
also of the financial gain - Americans spend millions of dollars every year
in some way or another to have a child. If we can work with them, using our
advanced technology to help them produce a viable embryo and carry out a
successful pregnancy, produce a child who is virtually guaranteed to have
perfect health and a reasonable IQ, there's-" 

"It's too soon." The man who snapped out the words rose a little out of his
seat. "To take the Project to the public now is far too premature." 

"Your work on the Project is guaranteed to bring you the recognition you
deserve as scientists," she said coolly, knowing how strong the lure of
being able to finally present their work of the past twenty years to the
public and their peers would be. But he wasn't swayed by her argument. 

"We have no real proof yet that our theories can really be proven, that our
results can exist and function in the real world." He didn't snap it out
this time, but his tone was nevertheless short. "The potential for disaster
is -" 

"I'm proof." There was ice-cold anger in her eyes as she interrupted him,
an anger she'd kept concealed the past few months as she'd worked
desperately to regain their trust. "You've all known me since I was born.
You've studied me just like you study a specimen under a microscope. You -"
She bit her lip to stop herself from saying any more, annoyed at getting
angry. To lose her cool now was stupid. There was too much at risk now -
this was her one chance to take utter control and right everything that was
wrong. If she messed up, even just the smallest of slipups, that was the
end of everything. 
She drew a deep breath and exhaled quietly, finishing, "The truth is that
we're ready to go public with this, and you all know it. We can't hide our
work forever." 

"It's not a case of hiding. It's a case of protecting the work." 
She looked up to meet the cold gaze of the only other woman on the panel,
the person she had considered once a possible ally in a world of enemies,
only to discover that she was perhaps the most heartless of the lot, not
allowing herself even the emotion of anger or contempt, just cold
aloofness. 

"Stop fooling yourselves!" she retorted. "I'm in charge here and if you're
not going to co-operate, your contract will be terminated. Is that
understood?" 

The threat sounded hollow to her own ears, but clearly it was convincing
enough for her co-workers, whose dull bickering trailed off as they stared
sullenly or unemotionally at her. 

She heaved a deep sigh. "Good." Her tone calmed as she gazed around evenly.
"This is going to greatly benefit all of us, in the long run. Trust me on
that." There was a long pause before she added, "That's all. Meeting
concluded." 
As her audience slowly stood and began to file out, whispering amongst
themselves, she sank back down into the plush seat, dropping down her
papers and paying little attention as they scattered across the table and a
few fluttered to the floor. As the last person exited and the door swung
closed she sighed again, closing her eyes and letting her tense muscles
relax a little. She'd stayed up most of the night reviewing notes to ensure
perfected delivery, double checking the presentation folders, and had been
unable to sleep even once she did go to bed. That lost sleep was
threatening to catch up with her now as she felt herself beginning to drift
off into a pleasant haze. 

"Miss Moss?" 

Her eyes snapped open and she jolted back to the conference room. Standing
in the doorway, right next to the potted imitation fern, was one of the lab
assistants. Jacqueline looked up expectantly and the assistant approached,
proffering a sheaf of paper. She scanned through the densely printed
information on the first page, then flipped through. There were about
twenty one-sided pages in entirety. She thanked the assistant and gestured
for her to leave, waiting until the door clicked shut to begin reading in
earnest every detail that the private investigative firm they occasionally
used had been able to find out about the current lives of Dana Scully and
Fox Mulder.  
  

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- TARA SCULLY POV - 

I've only seen my sister-in-law on and off the past couple of years, but
every time I've seen her, she's been changed, usually for the worse, it
seemed. Although I would never have called Dana a happy soul, when I first
knew her, years ago, she struck me as ambitious - not in the heartless way
you associate with the word, but in the zealous sense. She had a passion
for life and bright ambitions for the future. And although she sometimes
went a little quiet and thoughtful - not sulky or moody, just pensive -
just as often she'd go off in peals of laughter at the dinner table about
some family joke or tease Bill or Charlie or her dad. She and her dad were
always great buddies. He died a short time after she was first assigned to
Mulder. I still remember her mom passing on to me Dana's first frustrated
comments about her new assignment with "Fox Mulder. *Fox* Mulder?? Of all
the agents in all the divisons in the bureau I get stuck with the guy who
chases aliens?" 
I remember, he and Dana were working on some case and she had to rush off
after her Dad's funeral. I thought that was pretty weird at the time, but
Maggie explained to me quietly afterword that that was simply how Dana
dealt with it. What we didn't know at the time was how often we would see
Dana burying herself in work over the next few years. Every time I saw her
it seemed that somebody had just died or she'd just been in some
life-threatening situation or something else that would make any attempt at
conversation equally awkward. Not that she talked about those things at
all, really. I knew only because she told her mom, who told Billy, who
passed it on to me. I could never really relate the fantastic stories I was
hearing to the woman who became my sister in law, though. Even as I saw her
each time skinnier and more tightly-wound and increasingly pensive to the
point of miserable, I had a hard time reconciling the flesh and blood
creature with events that belonged only in action or sci-fi movies. Her
partner, Mulder... well, it was a lot easier imagining him in these James
Bond scenarios. I had a mental image of him largely resembling Arnold
Schwarzeneggar in my mind from what Maggie had told me, and when I first
met Mulder, only briefly at Melissa's funeral, I couldn't believe he was
capable of half the insane actions I'd heard about. It was only when Dana
was staying with us for Christmas and there was the whole Emily-incident
that I spent enough time with him to see the intensity of the man, the
burning passion that was so strong that it seemed to radiate from him. It
was then that I realised what a dangerous man Fox Mulder could be. I also
realised how utterly he was in love with my sister-in-law. God, the man was
transparent. The concern and love in his eyes as he watched her, the amount
of meaning that was in a single touch between them...  
After spending a long time pitying Dana, I envied her. No man had ever
looked at me like that.  

He was looking at her like that tonight.  
I know the evolution of their relationship hasn't exactly been as
straightforward as most people's, but you'd expect a lot less shyness from
a married couple. Maggie's place was hectic all evening, the kids running
around everywhere. But Dana and Mulder were the picture of pure
contentment. Billy and I were sitting opposite them at the table, and I
kept sneaking glances at Dana and Mulder, fascinated by the way they kept
catching each other's gazes and smiling as though over some private joke,
the possessive way Mulder had his arm around her shoulders, and the way
Dana often had her hand on his knee, his arm, over his hand. Every small
touch seemed to elate the both of them. Fox in particular seemed to always
need some sort of contact with her; Margaret had told me once that he was a
very needy person, and I hadn't really understood for myself until I saw
with my own eyes. He was constantly needing reassurance of affection and
attention. I guess, with a history like his, you'd be pretty careful to
keep a tight grip on what you have. And Dana didn't seem to mind it at all.
Earlier, while she and I were talking about the kids, he'd hooked his arm
around her neck and tugged her closer to kiss her cheek. She'd pushed him
away and he'd pouted just like a little kid until she'd ruffled his hair
and allowed him to kiss her. He seemed so insecure, and it contrasted so
completely to his otherwise confident, reckless behaviour. 
Dana and her mom had just cleared the table after dessert and the
conversation had begun to lull as people leaned back in their seats, full
from the three-course meal. I saw the look Becka gave Charlie as he
loosened his belt a couple of notches and I grinned. Billy went to check on
the baby upstairs, on his way checking the kids in the living room, where
they'd been relegated. No sooner had he left than Dana wandered back in,
sliding into her seat beside Mulder's and pressing her lips against his,
whispering something to him too low for me to catch. He smiled, and they
both leaned back a little, Dana slipping her arm around his waist. I was
still watching them surreptitiously when Billy returned, rubbing my
shoulders briefly before slipping into his seat. 
More wine was brought to the table and we were in the midst of a
conversation that seemed to be heading toward a fully-fledged argument
between the brothers when Dana's two kids trailed in, Joshua following
behind his sister like a shadow. I'd never seen him walking in front or
beside anybody. Always behind, like he was hiding.  
Astrid crawled onto Dana's lap, pouting.  
"Mommy..." she whined. 

Dana sighed heavily, shifting Astrid on her lap. "What's the matter,
sweetie?" 

Astrid frowned, wrapping Dana's arms around herself. Her brother had
climbed up into Mulder's lap and Mulder wrapped an arm protectively around
Joshua's tiny frame to keep him from slipping as the little boy reached out
to grab a handful of chocolate-coated peanuts from the dish on the table.
He knocked the tray off balance and I reached out to right it, smiling at
him gently. When I first met him I'd never met a shyer child, and I was
still careful to be gentle, even though now he was not nearly as reticent.
I was very careful around Dana's kids; I had been from the first time I'd
met them. Astrid's cheerfulness was disarming but it was impossible to not
be unnerved by her aptitude. And Joshua... There was something very
haunting about Joshua, something about him that seemed eternally wise and
scarred. Even the shy giggles he sometimes lapsed into couldn't rid that
look from his eyes. I wondered how normal a life he and his sister lived.
It must be, I mused, very different from my very sheltered, very average
childhood. 

"What's wrong, Astrid?" Dana prompted again, waiting patiently for a
response. Astrid squirmed in her lap. 

"Lauren doesn't like me," she admitted finally, her tone petulant and very
childish. 

"Why not?" 

Astrid pouted again. "Just 'cos." 

"Did you say something to her, maybe?" Dana suggested gently.  

Astrid played with the tassles at the edge of the tablecloth, trying to
avoid the question. Then she giggled. 
"I said she was an ignoramus." 
She looked up at Dana as though hopeful Dana would find it just as funny,
but she wasn't smiling. Astrid pouted again, reaching up to tug at her own
curly hair. 

"We've talked about this, Astrid," Dana said quietly, her gaze stern and a
tiredly unhappy. From her tone I guessed that they'd talked about it a lot.
"It's not nice to call people names." 

"But she said the Leaning Tower of Pisa was in France!!" Astrid protested,
looking at Dana imploringly. "And then I said that it wasn't, that it was
in Italy, she didn't believe me, or Joshie neither. And so I called her an
ignoramus." She looked poutingly up at Dana. "Only cos she is one..." 
  

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- SCULLY POV - 

I didn't know how to respond to that one. God knows, my niece can be an
obnoxious little showoff, and in many ways I could fully understand
Astrid's sheer frustration at the nine year old's intellect. But Mulder and
I have had to be tough when it comes to this. It hasn't been an easy task
trying to teach the kids to relate to their peers. Especially Astrid,
mentally so far ahead of those years older than her, and aware of it. I'd
been hopeful that tonight would all go well - and it had, up until this
incident. But it just wasn't working. All the lectures and promises and
bribes couldn't change the fact that Astrid, and even Joshua, would be far
more adept at following the conversation at the adults' table than sitting
at the kids' table with nine year old Lauren holding court.  
This social problem was far greater than Mulder and I had ever imagined it
would be. We'd spent endless hours discussing it between ourselves and with
the school counsellor, and I couldn't help getting discouraged by what
seemed to be a lack of progress. The current arrangement hadn't really
solved our problem, it had just skirted around it.  
The first few attempts at settling the kids in a daycare center had been
disasterous, and on trying to fit Astrid into kindergarten, she'd spent the
whole time talking coherently and adultly to the teacher and completely
ignoring her classmates. We'd finally found a school for gifted kids and
Astrid had started there in a class of eight and nine year olds. Joshua's
education took even longer to settle, but we ended up finding a grade
school teacher in our new apartment block, a single mother who'd taken a
year or two off teaching to be at home with her baby girl and was looking
for some extra cash. The arrangement turned out to be ideal, even when
Joshua started at the school with Astrid this year, because it allowed
Mulder and I to continue working at the bureau, without constantly
organising babysitting or leaving early or after-school care. Joanne picked
the kids up from school and took them back to her place, where she'd help
them with any homework they had or muddle over brainteasers with them until
Mulder and I picked them up when we got home from work. It was amazing, the
constant thirst the kids had for knowledge. They *enjoyed* working out
complicated problems. Even I could barely understand that. I'd thrown
myself into studying with the end always in mind, the outcome. Astrid and
Josh seemed to just enjoy the journey. 

Mulder had refilled my wine glass and I reached out to pick it up, swirling
it around in my fingers before taking a sip. Astrid held out her hands
hopefully and I passed the glass to her carefully. "Just a sip, remember."
I smiled indulgently as she took a very cautious sip, passing the glass
back to me and giggling, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. 

I decided to let the matter of the name-calling pass and gave her an
affectionate squeeze. "Why don't you go see if Grandma needs some help in
the kitchen, huh?" 

She pouted. "But I want to stay here and talk to Uncle Bill and Aunty
Tara."  
She beamed across at my brother and he smiled back at her cautiously. Even
though there was the slightest touch of disapproval in the look, I didn't
comment. After badgering me for years to settle down and start a family he
hadn't been exactly thrilled when I'd finally taken his advice and chosen
Mulder. I'd told Mom two days after we were married in the registry office,
and she'd passed it on to him. Tara called to congratulate us, but I heard
nothing from Bill. The kids had been left at Mom's for three days only a
week or so later, when Mulder and I had been assigned an out of town case.
Bill had been there when dropped the kids at Mom's, and had insisted on
staying in the room to listen when Mulder and I told Mom exactly how and
why she'd suddenly just gained two grandchildren. Bill seemed almost
disgusted, as though we'd just adopted a pair of Martians. But Astrid
wasn't deterred by the stiffness in his tone when he talked to her or the
discomfort he showed. I was more affected by it than she was. She seemed
determined to gain his affection, to win him over. 

She slipped off my lap and ran around the table, tugging at Bill's sleeve.
"Is the baby asleep upstairs?" 

Bill glanced across at Tara and then suspiciously at me before returning
his gaze to Astrid. "Yeah, he is." 

"Would you like to see the baby, honey?" Tara suggested. She smiled across
at Astrid, who nodded her head emphatically. 

"I won't touch him, I promise," she said earnestly. 

Tara laughed. "That's okay, honey. You can hold him if you want." 

Astrid beamed at her aunt, and then up at her uncle. Tara pushed back her
chair from the table to stand, but Astrid had pulled Bill from his seat.
"C'mon Uncle Bill." She tugged at his arm. Bill was starting to look
embarrassed as much as anything, and I just rolled my eyes at him. He
shrugged, allowing Astrid to pull him out of the room. I could hear her
cheerful ramblings fading as they went up the stairs. 

Tara stared at me, confused, as she pulled her chair closer to the table
again. "What was all that about?" 

I shook my head, not wanting to spill Astrid's little plan. I'd only
clicked to it myself about six months ago and as soon as I'd realised it I
mentally kicked myself for not seeing it sooner. Any time Astrid was
treated differently or held at arm's length because she was different, she
was even more zealous in her cheerfulness, as though determined to make
friends or die trying. I had to admire her stubbornness and determination. 

As Joshua slipped off his lap I heard Mulder wince. I turned and saw the
fleeting pained grimace on his face as he held his side. I grimaced
sympathetically. He hadn't complained very much about the three cracked
ribs he'd received thanks to a fleeing suspect and a badly-placed telegraph
pole only a week ago, and as a result I tended to forget his injury. We'd
also had greater problems to deal with.  

I sighed as I looked across at him. He looked tired, and I couldn't blame
him. It was the end of a difficult week and I knew he never felt completely
comfortable in a Scully family situation, thanks to my lovely older
brother. Charlie at least tried, but he always seemed so immature when
compared to Mulder. They never really connected on more than just a
superficial level.  

It had also been only four days since the kids and I got home from shoe
shopping to find Mulder sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his
hands, crying quietly. And only two days since we'd all attended his
mother's funeral. 

I reached across to clasp his hand, giving him an unhappy smile. I was more
concerned about him than I'd voiced. I leaned closer to him.  
"We can leave, if you're tired," I suggested gently. 

But he shook his head, giving me a small, tight smile that relaxed a little
under my searching, concerned gaze. "I'll be fine." 

I stared at him long and hard before agreeing. We didn't end up staying
that much longer anyway, because all the kids were starting to get tired,
cutting short what could have otherwise been a nice evening settled in
front of the fire. Joshua and Astrid fell asleep in the back of the car and
when we reached home we carried them inside, tucking them into the bunk
beds and switching on the nightlight. 
Mulder was already in bed, TV remote in hand, when I slipped in beside him.
He didn't even glance at me, which disappointed me, because I was wearing
the red chemise he'd given me for my birthday for the first time. 
I pulled the comforter up around me and snuggled against Mulder, careful
not to put any weight on his chest. The late night movie was just starting
and I recognised it as The Runaway Bride. I hadn't seen it before, just the
previews on TV.  
"Wanna watch?" Mulder queried. I looked up at him, surprised. Romantic
comedies weren't our usual movie genre. Horror flicks were what we usually
watched, curling up together after the kids had gone to sleep. But this
would be as good as any other movie to fall asleep to, I surmised, and I
nodded. An hour or so later, I was almost asleep, kept awake only by the
low murmur coming from the TV, and Mulder lifted his head off my stomach
and looked at me curiously.  

"Hey, Scully?" 

I stirred myself awake obligingly, forcing my eyes fully open and looking
at his blue-tinged face. "Yeah?" 

"Do you ever regret the way we did this?" 

"The way we did what?" I questioned softly, reaching out to run my hand
through his hair. I could never tire of these affectionate touches between
us. 

"The way we got married. You know, that we skipped the whole white-wedding
thing." He looked almost troubled and I half-smiled. 

"Not one bit, Mulder. I promise." 

"But I thought... you know..." he shrugged sheepishly and I cocked an
eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. I love it when Mulder goes shy.  
"That you would have had it all planned out, since you were a kid." 

I bit back a laugh as a long-lost memory came to mind. Missy and I had
shared a bedroom for most of our younger years and there had been one night
when she'd gotten into a lengthy description of her wedding, right down to
the colour of the groomsmen's bow-ties. I'd fallen asleep right about the
time she'd gone into the shape of the petals on each of the sugar flowers
on the cake. 

"The only thing I ever planned about my wedding when I was a kid was that I
wouldn't invite Charlie because he always misbehaved." I smiled, but Mulder
clearly needed a definate answer to ease his conscience. I sighed, ruffling
his hair again. "Mulder, I promise you, I don't regret a thing." 

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

I was indescribably relieved to hear that. Hearing her brothers and their
wives talk earlier in the evening, and then the movie, had set a doubt
creeping in my mind, making me question for the first time if maybe Scully
hadn't gotten all she deserved. The truth was that our lives were still
anything but normal. Sure, we were a lot closer to it than we had been two
years ago, but we still lived risky, dangerous lives. I don't think we were
even capable of living safely, normally. I didn't want to. The normal life
with the white picket fence and wife and kids just wasn't me. I didn't
belong in that sort of world. And, despite the many times Scully had
professed a longing for it, I don't think Scully belonged in that world any
longer, either. Instead, we'd altered our lifestyles, accommodating changes
but, in many ways, remaining the same. Our world wasn't perfect, but it was
real. 
I flicked off the TV, uninterested in seeing the rest of the movie, and
rolled over, wincing at the pain of my ribs but trying to ignore it. I
peeled back the covers and slipped in, noticing as I did so what Scully was
wearing. I grinned. 
"I knew that colour would look gorgeous on you." 

She smiled, that teasing, enigmatic smile that I'd grown to know much
better. "Took your time to notice. I was beginning to think that you
preferred Julia Roberts over me." 

"And you weren't staring lustily at Richard Gere?" I teased. 

Her smile grew. "I like a man in glasses." 

I stared at her curiously. I'd always wondered why Scully got that look in
her eye every time I wore mine. I'd always put it down as simply a
difference in my vision. 

I reached out to stroke her cheek with the back of one finger, then shifted
closer, leaning in to kiss her. She responded gently, cautiously, pulling
back a little when I slipped one of the chemise straps from her shoulders
and kissed the bare skin gently. 

"Mulder, no," she murmured, concerned. "I don't want to hurt you. Your
ribs..." 

"It's fine, really," I whispered reassuringly, caressing her cheek. The
cracked ribs had prevented us from getting very intimate at all for a week
and I craved that intimacy now more than ever. "Just be gentle with me,
'kay?" I grinned at her and she smiled back.  
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV - 

I've always found it fascinating, the way sleep and dreams can fade away,
like a tide receding, letting me slowly drift into the world of the
conscious. I love to wake slowly, so slowly that I can still cling to some
magical shreds of sleep, experience the pleasant timelessness of dreams
even as I can feel Mulder's lips on my bare back, his fingers gliding over
my skin like a silent melody. Mulder's touch never ceases to send delighted
chills down my spine. I'd always had fears that the significance of touch
between us would fade as time passed, but the ever growing intimacy never
weakened the very basic foundations of our relationship. Instead, the first
few hesitant stones we'd laid down seemed strengthened as they were built
upon, still vital. 

I stirred a little, becoming more aware of the sunlight coming through the
window and hitting my face. I didn't want to open my eyes though, not yet,
and so I turned my head away, eyes still closed, facing Mulder.  

"Sleep well?"  

I felt his breath on my ear, his fingers ceasing their straying for a
moment to brush a strand of hair that hung down in front of my face before
resuming. This was one of my favourite morning rituals, and I murmured
contentedly. "Definately." 

I opened my eyes, staring at him. The warmth of his bare skin against my
own was something I cherished every time. I ran my hands up and down his
chest and bent my head down, taking his hand and kissing the knuckles
lightly.  
"We didn't crack any more ribs last night, did we?" I murmured, looking up
at him with one eyebrow raised.  

He chuckled softly. "I wouldn't be surprised. You weren't very gentle,
Tiger." 

I grinned. The truth was, while our first foray into the more sexual side
of things had been incredibly awkward, we'd reached the point where our
relationship in bed was just as dynamic as in every other way. It hadn't
suddenly become the most important facet of our relationship, nor had it
changed the immense love and admiration we had for each other. From time to
time I'd had doubts about Mulder; near-celebancy over the past few years
hadn't been much of an issue to me, but for Mulder I knew it had been.
Natural, I supposed, that sex be more important to men than to women. That
was why I didn't let all his videos and magazines affect me. That selfish
carnality had never been part of our relationship, never was. Even now it
was all about each other. The moment I remember, clear as day, after we'd
first made love; Mulder's arms were wrapped around my body, and as he lay
kisses along my collarbone he confessed that he'd thrown his porno out two
weeks earlier, just after our very first kiss. That Mulder was trading in
big-breasted supermodels for an intimately loving but, at that stage,
virtually non-sexual relationship with me meant a big deal.  

I glanced across at my bedside clock. "You think the kids would be awake?"
I grinned, one eyebrow raised. 

He saw the time and laughed. "At nearly ten, I would hope so." 

I smiled. "I know. I was just hopeful. The thought of a nice, slow Sunday
in bed just appeals to me..." 

I trailed off when I heard the doorbell, and Mulder pulled away a little.
He bent to kiss me on the forehead before sliding off the bed and padding
across the floor to pull some jeans on over his boxers. My eyes ranged over
his lean, muscled form, even though I already had it all mapped out. I knew
that one of his greatest fears was growing old and losing agility and
strength, but for a man six months away from his fortieth birthday, he
wasn't looking too bad. Especially in my eyes. 

Jeans on, he was pulling a shirt over his head as he turned to face me,
blowing me a little kiss before turning and pushing the bedroom door open.
He was only out the door a second when I heard running feet pounding the
floor and Astrid's squeal of "Duckie!!!" 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - JACQUELINE POV - 

It was a moment I'd visualised every night for too long. Just like some
people dreamed of meeting their heroes or TV or movie stars, in the same
hopeless way I dreamed about seeing Astrid and Josh again. But when I saw
an eye in the peephole followed by a squeal and the uneven footsteps I knew
were Joshua's, those months of feelings of hopelessness and utter futility
may just as well not have happened. There was a scrabbling for locks on the
door and then it flew open and suddenly Astrid and Josh were clinging to me
so tightly I felt I was going to lose my balance. It was overwhelming, the
joy I felt as I wrapped my arms around both of them, hugging them against
me. It was only when I finally loosened my grip on them and took a small
step back that the effects of the last year and a half fully struck me and
I felt the first stabs of discomfort and regret.  
They were changed. I'd known to expect it, but despite all that I knew, I
still carried with me the images in my mind from when I'd last seen them.
They'd both shot up, growing at least twenty centimeters each. Joshua's
hair was now cropped a little shorter, while Astrid's was in two long
braids, mussed from sleep. The only thing that didn't seem to have changed
was Astrid's loquacity. She was as talkative as she'd ever been, maybe even
more, jumping up and down as she told me everything, seemingly following
three trains of thought at once. Joshua was talking to me quietly,
mumbling, tugging at my clothes to get my attention. He looked a little
shell-shocked, to be honest. 

"Jacqueline..." 

I slid my arms around both kids, giving them a hug before slowly standing,
hesitatingly meeting Dana and Fox's gaze. It was Fox who had spoken,
quietly; they both seemed stunned to see me. Slowly a smile broke out on
Dana's face and she moved toward me, giving me a hug in greeting.  
"I can't believe it's you..." She smiled as she pulled away, shaking her
head in disbelief. 

"It's me all right," I grinned. I was overjoyed to see her again. To see
for myself that at least she and Fox and the kids had been happy, even if I
hadn't been. 

"Duckeeeeee!" Astrid was tugging my hand to get my attention. "Duckie, I
want to show you me 'n Joshie's room!" A tug on my other hand was
confirmation of this from Josh. 

I didn't get a chance to object before I was dragged in the door and
through the living room, down a hallway and into a bedroom. I could see
Astrid's old rag doll resting among the rumpled pink covers on the top bunk
and a bunch of stuffed animals on the lower one. Astrid immediately scaled
the ladder at the end, talking incesantly as she bounced on the bed, while
Joshua started to describe to me very earnestly the dinosaurs represented
on his pillowcase. He's always had a thing for dinosaurs. 

It seemed that I was pulled in every different direction for the next ten
minutes. I guess we were all just in a state of shock. Even Astrid seemed
to be rambling on repetitively and jumping from one subject to another with
lightning speed. Dana and Fox hovered in the doorway together, then Dana,
seeing that it was impossible to get a word in with Astrid jabbering on,
suggested that it was time the kids got dressed. I didn't know if I was
being too presumptuous in offering to help them, but Dana, after a second's
hesitation, nodded. I guessed that she probably also wanted an opportunity
to get dressed. Astrid dragged me over to the dresser and painstakingly
showed me every single article of clothing she had, dancing around in half
a dozen different outfits before she settled on one. She proudly displayed
her skill in doing her own hair in two lopsided pigtails, and then I was
dragged back out into the living room. 

Dana and Fox appeared at the same time, he from the kitchen precariously
balancing three coffee mugs and a coffee pot and she from what I guessed
was the bedroom. The long, dark red silk robe from before had been replaced
with worn denim jeans and a casual dark blue sweater. I smiled when I noted
that she and Fox matched.  
The kids had pulled me down on the couch and were climbing on my lap, and I
automatically slid my arms around them, pulling them closer and giving them
the perfunctory tickle, my eyes still focused on Dana and Fox. I'd almost
forgotten how fascinating it was to watch them together, the graceful
synchronisation they moved with. They dropped down on the couch opposite me
together, and Dana began to pour the coffee. It was odd; despite Astrid's
nonstop chatter and the occasional squeal as she and Josh fought over me,
it was as though the room was still with silence, as though none of us had
any idea where to start. The truth was that none of us did know where to
start. It was difficult. So much had changed that it was hard to tell where
we all stood. There was a wary apprehensiveness on their faces, as though
desperate to hear what had happened and, simultaneously, afraid to find
out, as though at would be reopening old wounds.  
Dana silently passed me a coffee mug and I gave her a small smile in
thanks, sipping it slowly.  

Astrid tugged at my sleeve and looked at me expectantly. 

"You want some coffee?" I was surprised. She nodded, beaming at me, taking
the mug from my hands, taking a very careful sip, and then returning it
with another grin.  

I looked across at Dana and Fox - for some reason, I guess, I thought they
would be just as amazed as I was by that. I'd only started drinking coffee
myself a few months ago, and that was more for the caffein value than
anything else. But they showed no surprise, wearing the same slightly
apprehensive looks from before. 

"Jacqui..." Dana began bluntly, as though not knowing any better way to
begin than to just plunge in. I don't think there was a better way. 
She was shaking her head slowly. "How...?" 

I drew a deep breath. "It's a long story..." I stopped suddenly, feeling a
spark of self-consciousness. The kids were huddled up on either side of me
and I realised that, as much as I loved having them against me like that
again, I didn't want them to hear what I was about to say. 

I think Dana sensed my reluctance to go on with them there, because she
said softly, "Astrid, sweetie? Joshie?" 
Their heads perked up to look at her obediently as she continued, "Why
don't you go play in your room for a little bit, huh? See if you can solve
the equation you were working on yesterday." 

The lure of mental exercise didn't seem enough for the kids, though,
because Astrid shook her head very definately. "Nope. I'm gonna stay here
with Duckie." 
Joshua nodded in agreement, same as always.  

I was curious to see how Dana dealt with them. Astrid had always been
headstrong and she now seemed more determined than ever. But Dana beckoned
to them both, her expression serious. Reluctantly, Astrid slid off the
couch, pouting as she moved over to them. After momentary hesitation, Josh
followed her across.  
"We need some time to talk about adult things, okay?" Dana asked gently. 

"I can talk about ad-" Astrid protested. Then she cut off, frowned and
pouted at Dana as though begging for one last chance. But Dana shook her
head, smiling tightly. She gave Astrid a gentle shove. "Go." 

Astrid sighed dramatically, reaching up to give Dana a hug. "Mommy's mean!"
she announced, still pouting. 

"Yeah, Mommy's mean," Dana half-smiled, giving her another shove. She gave
Josh a little squeeze around the waist and then the two kids flew out.  
The silence was painfully obvious, now. I noted curiously the look that
Dana and Fox shared as the kids ran off; a fleeting look of despair that
appeared on her face and the sympathetic grimace he gave her in response,
pulling her closer against him. Maybe this hadn't quite turned out to be a
happily-ever-after ending for them, either. I wondered. 

I cleared my throat, and that was enough to get their attention.  
"Where do I start?" I asked awkwardly. 

Dana licked her lips, and shrugged. "Where we left off, I guess." Her voice
was tight, and I wondered why she and Fox were so apprehensive. Was it just
fear of hearing what I was about to tell, or - But they couldn't know, I
was confident of that. 

I cleared my throat again and took a deep breath. "They knocked me out with
something after they got you out of the way. I guess I missed a lot of
action - I heard them discussing days later the news reports on the fire." 
I saw a flicker of emotion on both of their faces, and I wondered how they
had reacted on discovering what had happened to the compound. The impact of
the shock had been softened for me by the haze of drugs I'd been kept
under. 
"When I woke up..." I trailed off, feeling unwelcome tears prickling my
eyes. The agony of those first few days, weeks even, was something I never
wanted to relive, and now it was coming back to me like a picture engraved
on my brain, a picture that somehow captured the dull, infinite emptiness
and pain I'd felt.  
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - SCULLY POV - 

I thought for a moment that she was going to cry, and I think it was only
by sheer will that she managed to restrain herself. I'd been feeling as
though there was a barrier between us that hadn't been there last time, the
barrier of suffering. And she had been suffering, I could tell. I could
see, past the shorter, more adult haircut and the business-like attire, the
pain that she had suffered. It was a suffering that I knew well - loss,
grief, and despair. The Jacqueline I had known two years ago, while
toughened by the world, had still retained some childishness. The woman
sitting opposite us on the couch was just that; a woman. It wasn't just the
switch from kids clothing to adults or the careful makeup, it was the
resigned unhappiness I could see in her eyes. I could remember looking into
a mirror and seeing that same expression reflected many times in the past,
but to see it in Jacqueline's eyes was heartbreaking, making me feel both
akin to and estranged from her. 

"Go on," Mulder prodded her gently. 

She took her time, staring down at the ground, her fingers playing with the
hem of her jacket.  
"Nobody trusted anybody in the Project," she said finally. "Accepted, yes,
but not trusted. They didn't trust me. They still don't. Even now..." She
closed her eyes, heaving a sigh, looking suddenly very, very tired. She
rested her arms on the edge of the couch and buried her face in them, her
voice muffled as she continued.  
"It was hard, trying to act authoritative when it was really just anger,
defiance over being locked in my bedroom every night and being watched
twenty-four hours a day by my co-workers or video surveillance. It got
better... I guess the fear that I would run faded from mind as they
accepted me more. I became... an essential part of the system, I suppose
you could say. I was the epitome of efficiency and organisation, and I
think that a few of them, in a way, have come to respect me as a peer." Her
tone was bitter and she kept her eyes on her floor, the toe of her shoes
digging into the rug. 

"It got better," I echoed unhappily. In a way, it seemed that things had,
in reality, been a lot less terrible than I'd dreaded. Or so I thought,
until she continued. 

"But that sterile, professional environment I found myself trapped in
twenty-four hours a day ... it drove me to utter misery at first..." I
could hear the absolute desperation in her voice and see her trembling, her
fists clenched as she stared hard at the ground. "I was so, so desperate
for human contact, sympathy... understanding. *Anything*. Deprived of
those, I felt so... wilted. I didn't eat anything for days, I just couldn't
force myself to, the thought of food was so nauseating. The doctors started
to freak out, all prescribing their own special-mix anti-depressants. I
guess that they were aware that the fat paychecks they've appreciated for
up to twenty years were at risk if they lost their prize guinea pig for
good." 
Her tone was so bitterly resentful that I felt an odd pang of fear. She
sounded as though she could be ruthless, as though she were only a hair's
breadth from snapping and releasing all the pent-up anger I could see
inside. 

"You said that things got better..." I prompted quietly, feeling
increasingly desperate to have the comfort of that knowledge. 

Jacqueline nodded slowly. "Yeah, it did." She paused for a moment before
continuing. "See, there was always... a plan. The first successful product
of the Project, if of superior mentality to all others working on the
Project, which was expected, was automatically to take charge on their 17th
birthday. It was Cate and Roger's plan all along that their 'children'
should be the ones running the project." Her tone softed a little as she
uttered the last sentence and I wondered what was going through her mind,
whether she still felt the heavy burden of guilt over her parent's deaths. 

"So you have complete control now?" I recognised that tone of Mulder's
voice and I could just see the cogs in his head turning. I slipped my hand
into his, squeezing it warningly. Don't get too far ahead of yourself, I
begged him silently. 

Jacqueline tapped her fingers on the edge of the couch. "Not exactly," she
admitted slowly. "They don't trust me... and while I appear to have
control, running the board meetings and the place in general, they still
have ways of keeping me in line. They've implanted a tracking chip which
means that they can find me anywhere, anytime. I'm still not free, not
really." 

"They know you've come here today?" The concern was evident in Mulder's
voice; if they knew she was here, they knew where we were, where the kids
were. Our kids. 

"I altered the tracking equipment before I left, set it off by a few
degrees so it'll give them a location about twenty miles south." She smiled
without much humour. "They won't pick up on it. They probably haven't even
noticed I'm missing, yet. Over the past month or so I've been trying to get
out just for a few hours as often as I could. They tracked me every time
for the first week or two, but they've become more accustomed to it and now
they only check up on me randomly. They know I can't stay away forever,
anyway." 

"You still need the injections," I said softly, remembering. 

She nodded. "I have access to most storage rooms, but for the one which
stores the insulin I need somebody to sign it out for me, or at least
co-sign." She sighed heavily. "As I said: I'm still not really free or in
control." 

"How did you find us?" My voice sounded tight to my own ears and I wondered
why I was so tense - why Mulder and I both were. Despite Jacqueline's
reassurances, I felt as though we were being sucked back into a web we'd
struggled to get out of and barely made it. 

"I got in touch with a private investigative firm. Expensive, but it was
worth it." She paused, looking up at us searchingly for several seconds.
"You don't mind, do you?" 

"No, no..." My reply came automatically and I felt flustered as I tried to
elaborate, "It's wonderful to see you again. Really. We've all missed
you."  
I couldn't quite pinpoint why I was feeling my cheeks begin to burn, and I
felt myself floundering even more, knowing how unconvincing my protests
must sound even though I thought I meant them. I thought I did, but I
wasn't sure. 

"It's great to know that you're doing okay," Mulder agreed. I wondered
whether his voice was slightly strained or if I was just imagining it. Was
the trepidation I felt just the natural result of a difficult reunion? I
wished I knew. 

I'd been praying for intervention and, oddly enough, I got it. Peals of
laughter interrupted us as Astrid flew into the room, Josh on her heels.  
"Joshie ate a marble!" Astrid announced gleefully, landing in my lap and
then bouncing into Mulder's before tumbling to the floor and somehow ending
up in a pirouette. 

Josh was grinning sheepishly at me and I tugged him up into my lap. I
wasn't particularly alarmed - Joshua swallowing inedible objects was
practically an everyday occurance around our home. But I played along with
the game, cuddling him against me.  
"And why did you eat this marble, young man?" I tickled him as I asked the
question and he giggled. 

"I dared him to do it!" Astrid offered, beaming at me. 

I turned my attention back to Josh, who suddenly hiccuped in the middle of
his giggling, which only made him giggle more.  
"You know, you don't have to do everything your sister tells you to do," I
explained patiently, even though I'd already told him a hundred times. It
was all part of the game. 

"Yes, he does!" Astrid protested.  
I glanced over and saw a small smile pass Jacqueline's features,
uncertainly, as though she hadn't really smiled for a long time. It was
like the sun struggling to come out after a storm and some of my anxiety
dissipated. Normally I would leave the little 'inedibles eaten' routine
there, but Jacqueline's reaction was so encouraging that I let the kids get
a little more out of control than normal. Jacqueline relaxed noticeably
over the next ten minutes as Astrid and Josh fooled around, and by the time
they settled down a little she seemed almost completely comfortable.  
Mulder was standing with his back against the wall, watching speculatively.
I was settled on the couch across from them, but feeling as though I were
no closer than Mulder to them. I wished that he was beside me.  
Jacqueline had kicked off her heels and Astrid was hobbling around in them.
Josh had snuggled up against Jacqui and she was talking to him quietly. I
felt as though I was intruding, and I caught Mulder's arm, tugging him into
the kitchen behind me. I don't think the kids even noticed our exit. 

Mulder had that strained look on his face and I reached up to smooth the
frown away with my thumbs.  
"I know how you feel," I said softly, meeting his level gaze. He nodded
slightly, and expelled a breath slowly.  

"Why are we so apprehensive?" he asked, his tone musing. "I mean,
Jacqueline says that they can't trace her, she's finally got control and a
reasonable level of freedom... What are we so worried about?" 

I shrugged. "I don't know," I admitted. I hesitated before deciding not to
voice my secret fear. That would make the threat of it more real, somehow.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself, and it seemed to work a
little.  
"We're just too paranoid," I said finally, offering him a small smile and a
shrug. "Still trusting no one." 

Mulder's face cleared a little. "It's a hard habit to break," he agreed.  
A smile grew on his face as his hands cupped my chin and he leant down and
kissed me briefly. "So's this." 

I giggled as his grip on my waist tightened and he lifted me up on the
kitchen counter. Mulder never ceased to amaze me with creative ways of
solving the height difference between us. I reached out, slipping my arms
around his neck and tugging him closer to me, kissing him. "This is a habit
I have no intention of breaking," I murmured before kissing him again.  
He chuckled, returning the kisses. "I would hope not." 

"Uh, I was wondering if I could talk to you guys?" 

Mulder and I pulled apart quickly at the interruption. For some reason I
can't quite fathom, we've never been able to feel completely confident and
assured when caught together like that. Little intimate moments, however
innocent, have always been so private to us, so personal, something hard to
let the world see. Even Jacqueline, who had been privy to the first
hesitant stages of our romantic relationship, and largely responsible for
prodding it into being, was still somebody with whom I couldn't share the
real depths of my relationship with Mulder. It was too personal.  

Mulder was standing next to me, leaning his back against the counter.
"Sure, have a seat." 
The lightness in his tone didn't quite conceal his resurfaced apprehension
and I could tell Jacqueline sensed it. She shook her head, folding her
arms. 
"I'd rather stand." Her tone was brusque and jerky, and it was obvious that
she was nervous. She sighed heavily, rubbed her eyes, and stared hard at
the floor. "Listen, I don't know how to say this so I'm going to be blunt."

She paused, and in that brief second I felt my insides sinking, my worst
fear confirmed. She looked up at us, her eyes troubled, as though she were
awaiting some terrible judgement. 
"I want to take the kids back with me." 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - JACQUELINE POV - 

They weren't stunned, like I'd originally expected. I'd spent days and days
trying to imagine their responses, trying to think of a logical reponse for
any argument they could bring up, all the time feeling like a terrible,
traitorous backstabber. The only way I'd gotten through it had been to
force my thoughts back to the kids, remind myself of the aching hole in my
life that they'd once filled. That was what I focused on. But now, even as
only mild surprise registered in their expressions and they sought each
other's hand, the guilt of what I was doing, coupled with a sudden,
desperate urge to somehow undo what I'd done, was almost overwhelming. 
"I don't know what I can say. I'm so, so sorry..." I knew my attempted
elaboration was futile even before I felt myself starting to get choked up
with tears. There had been many times in the past year when I'd let the
tears flow, but it had always been in the privacy of my darkened bedroom. I
tried to swallow them down, but it was hopeless. So instead I turned and
fled from the apartment. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - MULDER POV - 

"We should put them to bed." 

Standing beside me, Scully spoke softly, but there was a hard, raw edge to
her voice as she gazed unhappily at where Astrid and Josh were asleep on
the couch, snuggled up against each other. They'd fallen asleep there,
waiting for their big sister's return. I wasn't surprised by the hardness
in Scully's tone; I felt the same bitterness toward Jacqueline for what
she'd done to the kids - and to us. The same bitterness and the same fear
that maybe we couldn't stop her if she came back and took the kids.  
"Maybe," Scully mused miserably, "Maybe if we'd just somehow legally
adopted them, somehow -" 

"Scully, stop." I put a hand on her shoulder, rubbing gently. I was tired
and I didn't know if I had the patience to go through this again. 
"You're right," I said quietly, reverting to her earlier comment. "We might
as well put them to bed." 

The kids' room was lit by the small glowing Stegasaurous nightlight only
enough for me to see Scully's profile as I lifted Astrid up onto the top
bunk, pulling the pink covers up around her. She stirred a little, an arm
groping blindly til it found her ragdoll, and she clutched it tightly,
snuggling down with a little sigh. I felt more possessive than ever as I
bent over to kiss her goodnight. 
I could tell that Scully felt that same heightened possessiveness, because
she was sitting on the edge of Josh's bed, just gazing down at him as he
slept. 
"Do you think she's coming back?" She didn't look at me as she asked the
question but only when I sat down beside her on the edge of the bed. 

"I think she will," I admitted unwillingly. I heard Scully sigh heavily and
I continued, "She was upset before. I think she just took some time to cool
off. She'll be back." 

"I wish she hadn't come." 
There was no longer any emotion in her voice; it was the lack thereof that
was terrible. I felt the same way, tired from the shock, the tension,
sickened by an afternoon of trying to lie to the kids and then having to
see their faces when they realised the truth, heartbroken by a night of
watching them waiting hopefully for her return, running to the front window
every time a car went down the street.  

"I know. Me too." I stood, tugging Scully to her feet. "We might as well
head to bed ourselves." 

She glanced at the luminous digits on the clock radio. "It's only just ten.
And I don't think I could sleep, anyway." That sentence finished with a
yawn and she shrugged sheepishly, cracking a small smile.  
"I vote we find something to eat before bed." 

My stomach growled at the mention of food and I nodded in agreement,
pulling her out of the bedroom and easing the door closed gently after us. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - SCULLY POV - 

We both should have been hungry. It had taken a great deal of cajoling to
get the kids to even touch their dinner and neither Mulder or I had had
enough energy left to force ourselves to eat after that effort. But even as
we sat together in silence we only picked at the chicken casserole. A
hopeless numbness was all I felt as we settled down together on the couch,
Mulder's head resting on my lap. After a short attempt at conversation we
lapsed into silence once again. I felt so tired, and yet, in a strange,
dulled way, alert, on guard. I felt threatened. I was just finally starting
to doze off when there was a knock on the door. Mulder stirred as I ran my
fingers through his hair, slowly easing himself upright with a groan. He
peeled back his sleeve and looked sleepily at the digital display of his
watch. "It's almost midnight." 

He was leaning heavily against me and I eased myself out from under him,
standing and making my way to the door. As I reached it, I turned back
hesitantly, looking for some sort of reassurance in his expression. But he
was cradling his head in his hands. I felt a quiver of misery as I saw the
defeat in his crumpled figure. Loss, pain and exhaustion had all been
cracks in his self-confidence, and increasingly lately I'd been noticing
the toll of his suffering. The caustic, unhesitating assurance of his was
diminishing slowly. 
"Mulder," I called softly, a twinge of desperation shooting through me. 

He looked up slowly. "Yeah?" 

"We're not going to lose this fight, I promise." 

He nodded dully, but I could tell he wasn't convinced. I wished there was
more I could do but time had run out. I turned back and drew a deep breath
as I unlatched the door and pulled it open. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - MULDER POV - 

They might as well have been cast in stone as they stared at each other
across the threshold. Jacqueline was standing out in the hallway, her arms
hanging limply by her sides. It was only as I saw the darkened splotches on
her coat that I registered the drumming as rain fell outside. I wondered
vaguely how long it had been raining. 
It must have been about ten seconds that they both stood still, and then,
soundlessly, Scully moved back to let Jacqueline enter, closing the door
quietly after her.  
"I shouldn't have run away like that before," Jacqueline said finally, eyes
to the ground. "I'm sorry. It wasn't a mature way of dealing with things." 

Scully nodded slowly, arms crossed protectively. She was silent, her
forehead creased in a frown as she stared at Jacqueline. I could tell that
she was picking her words with great cautiousness.  
"I think we should discuss this as adults," she said finally. I was
surprised by the calmness of her tone. I wanted nothing more than to just
throw the girl out. 

Jacqueline seemed just as surprised by Scully's reaction, but nodded.
Rigidity seemed to radiate from Scully as she sat down beside me on the
couch again, leaving a sizeable gap between us. I looked up at her sharply,
sudden panic seizing me. Whatever happened, we couldn't let this cause a
rift between us. I didn't know if I had the strength to deal with it
without her. But she didn't see the unashamed panic in my eyes; she was
watching Jacqueline warily as she sat down opposite us. We were seated
where we had been this morning, but while the tension then had been
palpable but downplayed, here it was evident to the extreme. There was no
disguising the hostility. 
Scully licked her lips before she began.  
"You want to take the kids back to the Project?" 

Jacqueline looked like a rabbit caught in headlights, unprepared for
Scully's best bullying interrogative manner. "Dana, I..." she began
helplessly. Then she pressed her lips together tightly. "Yes." 

I felt a tremor running through Scully as I laid my hand on hers where they
were clasped on her knees. She seemed to weaken a little, and I wondered if
I'd done the wrong thing. 
"You never wanted that to happen to them, remember?" Her hands were
clenched tightly under mine, and shaking, and I wondered whether it was
with anger or with the fearful unhappiness she showed.  

Jacqueline's face twisted. "I know," she whispered, her voice hitching.
"But things have changed, Dana. I know it's unfair... I know it's so unfair
to you, because you've done everything for them I could have wanted. But
I've been through hell for them, and I need them back." 

Scully was biting her lip, and I could see tears beginning to fill her
eyes. "You can't have them back," she said quietly, her voice strangled. I
felt almost detatched from the intensely emotional battle, and I knew  I
should be backing up Scully on this one. But all I felt was a dull anger as
she continued, "They're ours. They live here now. They have a normal life."

"They'll never be normal, Dana, you know that." 

Suddenly Scully seemed to crumple in defeat. "We try." Her voice was only
the barest of whispers and I felt a little of my anger awakening in sudden
protectiveness, as though a tiny hole had been punched in the blanket of
dull lethargy I'd found myself sinking under. 

"You can't do this to the kids." I spoke up without hesitation as I felt
heated anger surging through my veins, and the anger brought a strange
sense of satisfaction.  

"I'm doing it *for* them," Jacqueline protested. My anger seemed to spark
some of her own. "The only thing that has got me through that hell has been
the thought of getting them back! I need them!" Her words rang out
clearly.  

"Then you're not doing this for them, you're doing this for you!" 

That seemed to throw her off balance and she stared at me. "That doesn't
matter," she said unsteadily. "They belong with me." 

I shook my head very definately, knowing that I was fighting for my family.
I hadn't stood up strong enough to keep my family together when I was
twelve and I wasn't going to let myself make another mistake I'd regret the
rest of my life. "They belong here with us," I said. I paused before
adding, "And we want you to leave. Now." My tone was threatening, and very
definite, and I braced myself for her reply. 

There was none. Her face had fallen and her hand was at her mouth. "Oh,
God," she muttered, dismayed. I followed her gaze and saw Astrid and Josh
standing in the doorway. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - SCULLY POV - 

I think the first thought in all of our minds was to run to the kids. I
started to stand and Jacqueline did at the same time. But Mulder was
blocking her in an instant, and my stomach lurched when I saw his fist
clench as though he was preparing to hit her.  
"Don't you go near them," he warned thickly. I still couldn't quite
understand the transformation in the last five minutes. His old unwavering
protectiveness was back with a vengeance and, while I relished the spirit I
saw in him once again, I dreaded the consequences of his wrath.  
I knew there was only one solution the situation, and I knew Mulder
wouldn't like it. 

"Mulder." My voice was as commanding as I could get it as I summoned up all
the strength I could find. 

He turned warily to face me, and I nodded toward the kids. "Take them back
to their room." As an afterthought, I added, "Please?" 

With the grim determination in his eyes I thought for a moment that maybe
he wouldn't obey me, but, reluctantly, he nodded. He turned back to
Jacqueline for a brief second, the anger still flashing in his eyes,
mirrored in hers. Then he slowly made his way over to where the kids were
in the doorway. Astrid shrank away from him for a second, her face
mistrusting, but then her lower lip trembled and she wrapped her arms
around his neck. Josh was only a split second behind in his tears and I had
momentary doubts of whether Mulder was emotionally capable of dealing with
them both. But the brief look he flashed me was reassuring. His confidence
was back and, despite the genuine concern he was showing as both the kids
clung to him and cried, he looked far better than he had been looking for
most of the past week. 

I thought that he would wait until they'd calmed down a little before
leading them back to their bedroom, but he surprised me by sliding his an
arm around each of them and then, with great difficulty, standing. I winced
when I saw the grimace of pain on his face as he turned and began to walk,
staggering a little under the weight, down the hallway and out of sight,
the kids clinging to him. It was only a short way to their bedroom but I
still wondered whether he was maybe overestimating his own strength.
Although they were both light kids, it had been a long time since he'd
carried them both at once. 

I tried to dismiss the concern from mind and turned back to Jacqueline. Her
eyes were fixed on the now-empty doorway, and she was frowning. Slowly, she
reached up to rub her eyes, turning back to me. 
"He's a good father," she said finally. 

"He's a very good father," I answered softly. After the shouting the quiet
and stillness seemed an anti-climax. "He loves them," I added quietly. 

Pain flickered across her face. "I can tell," she answered wistfully. She
was twisting her hands and I waited patiently for the outburst I could see
building up inside. 
"God, Dana, you know I don't want to do this to you!" She jumped up
suddenly and began to pace. "Or Fox, or the kids. I just feel like a
terrible, terrible person, and I hate what I'm doing to you guys. I hate
myself for making the kids cry like that!" 

I rocked slowly back and forth on the edge of the couch, staring down at
the ground. "So why can't you just-" I began quietly, but she cut me off. 

"I can't just step away from them! Not after seeing them again! You and Fox
have each other, Dana. I don't have anybody except the kids. They're all
I've got left." Her anger seemed to die out with the last sentence and she
heaved a tired sigh, sinking back down into her seat. There was a long,
long silence between us, and when she spoke again, she seemed to be
composed once again. 
"Do you know what my name means?" 

I looked across at her, curious about the question. "Yes," I admitted. 
It was her turn to look surprised, and I explained, "I looked it up one
day, just out of curiosity." I paused for a moment. "It means 'to
protect'."  
She nodded slowly and I queried, "I take it there's a significance?" 

She nodded again. "A shepherd leading the flock sort of thing. Cate and
Rodger specified that the first successful result would take charge on
their 17th birthday. That also included being the responsible guardian for
all other children created as part of the Project, teaching them like I'd
been taught." She paused for a moment. "Cate and Rodger were optimistic
when they wrote that; it was written when I was six months old. They had no
way of knowing that all their work would eventually produce only three
'heirs'." 

"I still don't see the connection," I argued. "How did they know it would
be you who survived to take charge, not Susie or David, or even all three?"
I stared hard at Jacqueline. 

There was genuine puzzlement on her face, almost respect for something she
couldn't explain, as she shook her head, shrugging slightly. "I don't
know," she said simply. 

We sat in silence for several minutes, and I felt myself unwittingly begin
to relax a little. The tension in the room had eased and while I knew our
problem was nowhere near solved, I knew there would be no more shouting.
For that much, I was grateful.  

"Is Fox okay?"  

In the silence I'd allowed myself to tune out a little and Jacqueline's
sudden question took a moment to sink in. "How do you mean, okay?" I
hedged. 

"He just seemed..." She sighed heavily, as though unable to find the right
words. "Not as aggressive as I remembered. He just seemed lifeless... until
he started yelling at me, anyway." She faded off a little at the end of the
sentence, embarrassed and suddenly quieter. 

I hesitated, knowing I should treat her as the enemy but feeling that,
somehow, if anybody could understand, it would be her. 
"He's been through a lot lately," I admitted finally. "I thought he was
getting better, until you ran off this morning. He's been pretty
unresponsive all afternoon." 

Jacqueline trembled a little. "I'm sorry," she said softly. 

I sighed shakily. "It's just... the idea of losing the kids, compounded
with the loss of his mother and problems at work. He needs his family more
than ever, now." 
I knew it seemed as though I was using dirty tactics, trying to overwhelm
her with guilt, but every word I spoke was the truth.  

She winced, shying her head away. "Do the kids go to school?" I was a
little surprised by the abrupt change of topic, but it was obvious the
guilt was getting to her more and more. But instead of feeling victorious,
I felt pity for her, irrational guilt on my behalf. I shook the feeling
off. 

"They go to a school nearby," I acknowledged. "A school for gifted
children." 

"The Edith Henderson School," Jacqueline muttered. 

"If you already knew, why did you ask?" I sounded as though I were bullying
her but I couldn't stop the question. 

She brushed off my question. "How well do they get along with the other
kids?" 

I bit my lip, not wanting to answer the question. I knew what Jacqueline
was doing, but I couldn't lie. 
"We've had a few problems," I said as evasively as I could. 

"Problems?" 

"Astrid is so precocious... sometimes she gets a little aggressive," I
admitted. 

"She doesn't fit in?" 

"Not really." 

"Does she laugh at the other children? Get frustrated by their ignorance?"
Jacqueline had control of the situation now. 

I recalled reading statements to that effect in a report put together by
the school counsellor and I wondered if Jacqueline had somehow gotten hold
of a copy. "How do you know these things?" 

"The predicted behavioural pattern established by the time she was three,"
Jacqueline said succintly. I could tell she felt she was winning. "Josh
isn't as aggressive, but he'll follow her examples. By himself, he can
communicate much better with his peers. He's very, very smart, but nowhere
near Astrid." 

"Where is this going?" I know my tone was brusque, but I couldn't let
myself be swayed by her arguments. 

"Dana, if I take the kids back with me they'll have their own tutors. Any
problems with classmates would be eliminated. I can have a classroom set up
at the compound, fully stocked, in a week. The equipment we have far
surpasses anything found at their school." She paused before adding, "Money
isn't a problem." 

I tried not to show how much that stung. The truth was that it was costing
us a small fortune to send both the kids to such a prestigious school.  
"We're managing okay," I said defensively. "They've got to learn to live in
the world, just like everybody else." 

"They're not like everybody else." Jacqueline was starting to sound tired
and I couldn't blame her. I knew that soon we were going to start going
around in circles. 

"They'll learn how to live in the world," I repeated. "Nothing in life is
easy, but Mulder and I don't back away from challenges." 

As if on cue, Mulder's hand closed over my shoulder, his lips pressed
against my forehead. I had a brief flash back to the night before, at
dinner at Mom's. So much had happened since then.  
"They're asleep," he said softly. "It took a while; they were pretty
disturbed." As he spoke, he looked meaningfully across at Jacqueline, who
flushed. 

She stood awkwardly. "I should go. You both look like you need sleep." 

"You're coming back, aren't you?" I stared at her steadily, wishing for a
no, but knowing I wasn't going to get one.  

She nodded. "I'll go home for the night. I've got a meeting tomorrow
morning but I'll be back in the afternoon." She pulled a set of car keys
from a pocket and swung the keyring on her finger. 

She stared at us for a few more seconds, as though waiting for us to say
something, but Mulder and I were both silent. It was only as she turned
away and reached to pull the door open that I asked, "Jacqueline?" 

Jacqueline turned back to face me. "Yeah?" 

"Where is 'home'?" I asked curiously. If she was driving, it couldn't be
too far. She could have been living half an hour from us and we hadn't
known. 

She was silent, biting her lip. Then finally, she spoke. "I don't think I
can tell you that, Dana." 

I nodded slowly, and she turned away again and was gone. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - MULDER POV -  

Scully and I stayed up half the night trying to decide what to do. And I
say trying, because we were both so tired and drained that we didn't get
very far. The anger we both felt at the injustice of the situation surfaced
more than once and we verged on several arguments. We finally agreed to go
to bed around three, but neither of us slept. Scully slipped out of bed
around three-thirty; I think she thought I was asleep. After ten minutes I
went searching and found her sitting on the edge of Josh's bed. Astrid had
migrated there some time during the night and the two of them were squeezed
in side by side, she clutching her rag doll, Josh a stuffed T-Rex we gave
him for Christmas.  

"Do you think... that maybe they would be better off with her?" Scully
asked hesitantly, not even turning around. 

"No." My answer was immediate and emphatic. I didn't doubt for a second.
"They belong here with us, Scully. They deserve as normal a life as we can
give them." 

"But maybe Jacqueline's right," she persisted darkly. "Maybe we can't
really give them a normal life here. Maybe they won't ever really fit in." 

"They belong here," I repeated firmly. 

She looked up at me curiously. "Do you really believe that, Mulder?" 

I was confused by her question, but nodded. Of course I believed that. I
was confident that we'd made the right decision; every time I got a hug
from Josh or a kiss from Astrid reassured me of that. 
Then something dawned on me. "Do you?" 

She was frowning, then her frown softened and she smiled. "Yeah." 
After one last glance at the kids she struggled to her feet, yawning.
Feeling in need of a hug, I opened my arms to her. She fell against me, her
arms around my waist, her face pressed against my chest.  
"I'm so tired," she murmured.  

I kissed her hair. "Me too." I gently pulled away from her, taking her
hand, and leading her out of the room. In our own bedroom she went straight
to the CD player, climbing into bed as a track began playing. It was a
piece by Mozart, the volume so low that I had to strain to hear some of the
quieter notes. I'd only discovered this habit of Scully's a year ago; she
would often play classical music to soothe herself, and occasionally, when
unable to sleep, as a lullaby. And it worked, too.  
By the time the composition ended, she was fast asleep beside me. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - SCULLY POV - 

"Mommy!! You gave me Joshie's sandwich!" Astrid's horrified tone implied
that the incident was of truly chaotic proportions. 

"Then swap it with the one I gave him. You're a big girl, Astrid."  

"But Mommeeeeeee! He already took a bite!" A second sandwich was thrust in
my face and I sighed heavily. I was having a hard time keeping my patience.
Astrid's little drama queen antics were sometimes amusing, but now they
were doing little more than getting on my nerves. Jacqueline would be
turning up any time soon and I felt unprepared to face her. A decision had
to be made some time, and I knew it would be soon. There was no sense in
dragging it out. The question was: who would be making the decision? The
kids were not legally existent, unless you counted the forged birth
certificates necessary for school enrolment, and because of that, neither
Mulder and I nor Jacqueline could prove actual legal guardianship. But we
all knew that the custody matter could not be taken to court, because to do
that would be to expose the Project. And now, to expose the Project was to
betray Jacqueline. And that was a length I wasn't willing to go to, no
matter how desperate the situation was. 
And so, the fate of Astrid and Josh depended solely on a decision that the
three of us had to come to. I knew it would be hard, and I knew that
whoever lost would go down fighting.  
The terrible fact that it could be we who lost had kept me on edge all
morning. I was torn between the desperate need to lavish attention on them,
to not take them for granted, and the feeling that somehow I'd already lost
them, that they were no longer ours. It was that feeling, combined with the
numbing fear of losing them and anger at Jacqueline for wanting to take
them away, that was causing my nervous irritability. 
I took a deep breath to calm myself, taking the sandwich and chopping off
the offending corner and handing it back carefully. "Better now, sweetie?" 

Astrid was immediately all smiles again. "Yup," she beamed.  

I gave her a little push. "Sit down at the table. I don't want a mess." 

"Peanut butter doesn't make a mess," Astrid announced matter-of-factly,
pulling up a chair beside her brother. "Mommy, is Duckie coming back
today?" 

I was just about to pull up a chair at the table opposite them with a tub
of frozen yoghurt and I stiffened. "Yes, she is," I admitted guardedly,
slipping into my seat.  

Astrid nodded slowly, sucking on her lower lip and watching me
thoughtfully. "Does she want to take us back to her home?" 

"Why would you say that?" I hedged. 

"I heard," Astrid shrugged offhandedly.  

"Were you listening to us last night, sweetie?" I frowned. "You know what I
said about listening to other people's conversations..." 

"I wasn't listening, honest!" Her tone was so earnest I had to believe her.
"I just heard you, is all." 

"And what did you hear?" I asked quietly. I glanced across at Josh, but he
was looking intently down at his plate. He'd shredded the crusts of his
sandwich and formed the letters of his name unevenly with the pieces. He
showed every sign of being wrapped up in his own world, but I knew he was
taking in every word. 

Astrid sucked on her lower lip again. "Duckie wants us to go and live with
her," she said finally. When she looked up I could see that her eyes were
troubled.  

I wouldn't. I couldn't. But I did. I couldn't stop myself. "Do you want to
go live with her?" I asked softly. 

Astrid frowned. "Duckie doesn't have anybody to love," she said eventually.
"So maybe Josh could go with her... and I could stay here with you and
Fox." 

I wondered whether the name 'Fox' came out intentionally or unconsciously.
We'd always left what the kids called us as their own choice, but Astrid
had jumped at the opportunity to finally have somebody to genuinely call
Mommy and Daddy, to my unashamed delight. Joshua had followed, as always,
but with a little reluctance. Not ever as generous with emotional
attachments as his sister, even just a hug from him always meant something.
They had slipped up from time to time at first, but it had still been a
long time since either of them had uttered the name.  

I was puzzled by Astrid's response, but also a little confident. For a six
year old, she sometimes showed an amazing sense of duty, and I wondered if
that was the only reason she suggested Josh go with Jacqueline. I wanted to
quiz her further on the matter, but I felt guilty enough already about
going behind Jacqueline's back.  

"Whatever happens," I said gently, anxious to show I wasn't pushing my
argument, "You have to remember that Jacqueline still loves you a lot. Both
of you," I added. Josh's presence was often so quiet I forgot he was there.

Astrid looked up at me, alarmed. "But you love us too, don't you, Mommy?" 

I was about to answer when I heard the doorbell. Jacqueline. I expected the
kids to go running again but, to my surprise, they stayed, ignoring the
doorbell as though they hadn't even heard it. I could see Joshua watching
me out of the corner of his eye, and the fear in both his eyes and
Astrid's. 

I was absolutely stunned by the shakiness of their beliefs of my love for
them. Was I really that bad at saying 'I love you' to my kids? I realised
with a shock that I probably was. It had always been hard for me to say,
but I'd always tried to compensate, showing in actions what I couldn't say
in words. I couldn't believe that they could live without knowing for
certain if they were loved or not. 
"Of course I love you both," I said quietly. All thoughts of Jacqueline at
the door had vanished from my mind.  

"And Daddy loves us too, me and Joshie?" Astrid demanded.  

I nodded. "Lots and lots." 

Astrid looked thoughtful for a few seconds. "Why doesn't he or you ever say
it, then?" she asked curiously. "I tell Joshie all the time."  
She leant over in her chair and give her brother a wet kiss on the cheek,
wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you even more than icecream
sandwiches!" she announced, beaming. Joshua giggled. 

I half-smiled. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at telling people," I
admitted, feeling sheepish. 

"That's not good," Astrid lectured me, playing stern.  

"That's not good at all," Joshua echoed, giggling again. 

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. 

"Well, then you've gotta start," she announced pragmatically. 

"And when do you suggest I start, young lady?" I knew by this point what
her game was. 

Astrid beamed again. "Now." She slipped out of her chair and came across to
my side of the table, climbing up onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my
neck and giving me a peck on the cheek. 

I shifted her on my lap. "Astrid," I began firmly, "I love you very, very
much." 

"And?" she demanded. 

"And?" I queried. What more was there to say? 

"What about Joshie?" she explained, rolling her eyes with a sigh of mock
frustration at my lack of understanding.  

I glanced across to where Joshie was staring at me, wide-eyed. 

"I love Josh very, very much as well," I reassured. He relaxed visibly, a
small smile creeping onto his face. 

"More than me or less than me?" Astrid squinted at me speculatively. 

"Equally," I said emphatically.  

"Equally more or equally less?" Astrid persisted. 

"Equally," I repeated, in a tone that quelled any further doubts. I
loosened her grip around my neck and slid her off my lap. "How about you
two go and let Jacqueline in, huh?" 

Astrid beamed at me and headed toward the door. Joshua glanced at her and
then at me, still smiling shyly, before slipping off his chair and
following. But, half-way out the door, Astrid suddenly stopped, turned and
came flying back toward me. "Well done, Mommy," she said solemnly, holding
out a hand as if to congratulate me. "We're making progress." 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - JACQUELINE POV - 

It didn't take nearly as long to get the kids to leave the room as it had
the day before. They greeted me happily enough, but when Dana sent them to
go play the new computer game I'd brought them, they seemed eager to leave.
I wasn't sure whether it was enthusiasm for the game or lack of enthusiasm
for staying, but I chalked it up to the former, not wanting to consider the
latter a possibility. 

With the kids gone, though, I'd expected the tension to surface.
Surprisingly, Dana and Fox seemed at ease. He'd let me in casually,
explaining that the kids were just finishing lunch in the kitchen with Dana
and would be out in a minute. I'd found Fox a very transparent man in the
past, but right then I found him impossible to read. It was only when the
kids finally ran off and we sat down once again on the couches, that I
could see the signs of anxiety and nervousness in them both. 

It seemed strange, to have only the three of us; the two sides. No
mediator, no judge who would assess the arguments of both sides and come up
with a rational decision. It was up to the three of us to decide.  

I cleared my throat nervously before beginning. "I told you two about me
being in charge yesterday, but I didn't tell you that I've set a new vision
statement for the Project. I'm bringing it out into the open. With our
technology we can can assist couples who want children in hundreds of
different ways, from simply predetermining the child's hair and eye colour
or gender to artificially creating sperm or ova from DNA strands and
implanting a fertilised egg." 

Dana's eyes were wide. "You can do those things?" she whispered.  

I nodded, offering her a small grin. "Pretty cool, huh?" 

"Why exactly are you telling us all this?" Fox was direct, and I could see
mistrust in his eyes. 

Time to bite the bullet, I surmised. "I'm willing to offer you a deal. You
let me take Astrid and Josh back with me and I can guarantee you a perfect
baby girl or boy of your very own, conceived artificially but born
naturally." 

I watched as the colour flooded from their faces as they sat in stunned
silence. My eyes didn't fail to notice Dana's hand as it crept across her
stomach and Fox's as he clasped it over hers. Heads bent close together,
they began to whisper. Abruptly, Fox pulled away from her and stood up. "We
need to talk about this in private," he said brusquely. He caught her hand
and tugged her upright.  

"Take your time," I said slowly, wondering what their negotiations would be
like, wondering what the outcome would be. Dana, looking as pale as a
ghost, nodded briefly at me as she left the room. I settled down into the
couch, and prepared for a long wait. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - MULDER POV - 

"We can't do it, Mulder." 
I was surprised by the conviction in Scully's tone. She was sitting on the
end of the bed, her head in her hands, her shoulder's slouched, looking
utterly defeated. Her tone, in constrast, was determined. 

"We should probably weigh up the options before making a decision, don't
you think?" I murmured, sitting down beside her.  

She looked across at me, eyes growing even wider. "You're considering her
offer?" 

"I think we should," I said levelly.  

She gazed at me curiously. "Why?" 

I drew a deep breath. Because I see your wistful look every time you see a
baby on the TV or in the supermarket. Because Scully, my Scully, you
deserve to experience the joy of motherhood. "Because it's foolish to throw
away an opportunity like this." 

"An opportunity like what?" she asked evenly. 

"An opportunity to have kids of our own, Scully." I reached out and gently
tugged on her hair. "Kids who look like us, inherit our traits genetically,
who are born normally and live normally. A kid who we'll see grow up from a
tiny baby, see all the things we missed with Astrid and Josh." I paused.
"Don't you want that?" 

She pulled away from me a little, forehead marred with a deep frown, her
arms crossed tightly. "Yes, I want that, Mulder," she admitted, blinking
back tears. "But I don't want to give up Astrid and Josh. We can't just
trade them in for a better deal." She turned away, staring unseeingly at
the ceiling. 

"We wouldn't be trading them in," I argued. "They're Jacqueline's siblings.
She has more claim to them than we do."  

She turned back, staring at me incredulously. "I can't believe that -" She
broke off, shaking her head. "Mulder, don't you care about the kids? Are
you so indifferent that you can just -" She buried her face in her hands
with a shuddering sigh. 

"Hey, Scully..." I was shocked by her reaction. "That wasn't what I was
saying. You know I ...care about the kids. I was just exploring the
argument, that's all." I reached out to lift up her chin and discovered
that she was crying silently. She gave me a brief, shaky smile in relief. 

"I thought you were serious," she murmured. 

I drew a deep breath. "I do think that we should consider her offer," I
admitted. 

Her face fell. "So you were serious." She dropped her gaze to the floor and
her voice was strained as she said, "I suppose we should, then." 

"Hey, listen to me." I lifted her chin up again, ignoring her resistance.
"Scully, whichever way this goes, somebody's going to get hurt. And
although we don't want to deal with the fact, it could possibly be us. If
we take Jacqueline's offer, we're best off in the long run. The kids can be
where they belong -" 

"They belong here," she interrupted me. Her eyes were filled with sadness.
"You were arguing that last night, remember?" 

I winced and sighed, acknowledging myself beaten. "I'm just trying to find
the right decision, that's all," I explained slowly. 

"I know you are." Her hand closed over mine. "How about exploring the
argument for the other side now, huh?" 

I drew a deep breath. "Well, we knock back her offer, and there's still no
guarantee that we get to keep the kids. We have to face it, Scully; we're
in a lose-lose situation here." 
I could see that my argument still hadn't convinced her. I wasn't convinced
in any particular direction myself. My suggestions had been more logical
reasoning than resulting of my actual feelings.  

"And so you'd settled for the fifty-fifty option instead of gambling for
the lot," she muttered. She gave me a wry smile. "I never thought you'd be
so unadventurous." 

My tongue itched to deny that but I stayed silent. I wanted to correct her,
but first I was curious to see what decision she'd make on her own accord.
I wanted her to think this through, to follow her head as well as her
heart. 
"I take it you want to gamble for the lot, then?" I queried. 

She nodded slowly. "Mulder, I love Astrid and Josh. And my years with you
have gotten me in the habit of going to whatever extreme measures are
necessary to not lose somebody I love." 

I leaned closer to her suddenly and kissed her, her eyes widening in
surprise. "You learned from the best," I grinned. 

She stared at me blankly. Then her face split in a shaky smile and she
shook her head in despair. "Mulder, you toy with my head like that again
and I'll kill you, you hear?" But despite the threat she was obviously
relieved that we wouldn't have to deal with the rift that inevitably
resulted from a difference of opinion. 

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - SCULLY POV - 

I'd panicked for a while there. The idea that Mulder could be so callous
when it came to the kids was just impossible, and it jarred with everything
I thought I knew about him. But he almost had me convinced that I'd,
somehow, been terribly, terribly wrong about him. I felt terrible for
having that doubt about him. That was the first time in a long time I'd
doubted how well I knew him and I was annoyed at myself for not trusting my
own faith in him. 
The argument he had put up had been a reasonable one, I had to admit, but
reasonable only if feelings and emotional attachment were disregarded. And
I refused to disregard the fact that Astrid and Josh belonged with us, to
us. And while our family didn't quite seem to have the same togetherness
I'd grown up in, I felt confident that that greater level of closeness
would be forged in time. 
If we had any time left. 

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - JACQUELINE POV - 

"You could have had your very own child." I was unhappy about the decision
that Fox and Dana had made. And, more than that, I couldn't understand it.
If they'd taken the deal, we would have all been happy. 

"We do have our very own child," Dana spoke clearly. "We have two of them."

"You do realise you're just making this harder for everyone, don't you?" I
felt miserable as I asked her. "If it comes to it, we could always kidnap
the kids. The FBI would never find them." 

"You wouldn't do that," Fox said quietly. 

I couldn't help half-smiling. "No, you're right, I probably wouldn't." And
I wouldn't. I couldn't put Astrid and Josh through something like that. I
sighed. "So, you won't accept my deal... Where to, now?" 

"I don't think," Dana said slowly, "That any of us have the right to make
this decision." 
She stood, mutely leading us into the kids' room. Josh and Astrid were
squeezed side by side on a desk chair, absolutely absorbed in the computer
game they were playing on a laptop. The satchel was flung carelessly on the
bed, a bundle of cables protruding. The number of baggage tags on the strap
showed that the laptop belonged to Dana or Fox, two or three years old, at
best. I thought longingly of the month-old Compaq sitting on the desk in my
office. It took a lot of funding to keep up with technology... 

"Mommy, look at this! I built a castle!" Astrid announced elatedly.  

"That's beautiful, Astrid," Dana smiled. She turned back to me, and to my
surprise the smile grew. "You've never been to a zoo, have you,
Jacqueline?" 

I had to shake my head. "No," I admitted. 

"Why don't you take the kids for the afternoon? They've been there before;
they can show you around. You can talk some things over with them." 
The inference was crystal clear and I nodded. "Sounds fun." I let some of
the wariness slip from my tone when I felt confident she was making a
genuinely generous and trusting offer. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - SCULLY POV - 

Afternoon. That was what I said; for the afternoon. But as afternoon
stretched into twilight into evening, I had to consider for the first time
that maybe I'd made a huge mistake in suggesting the zoo trip. But I
refused to accept that Jacqueline had abused out trust like that.  

"Maybe they're stuck in traffic on the expressway," Mulder suggested
half-heartedly.  

"On a Sunday night?" I was incredulous. "Besides, I saw that Jacqueline had
a celphone. They would have rung." 

"Have you got any better suggestions?" he demanded testily. 

I bit back a snappish reply and sighed. "No. I'm sorry, I'm just... God,
I'm feeling guilty. It was a stupid idea. I thought it would help -" 

"-if she could spend some time alone with the kids to find out what they
really wanted," Mulder finished. "Scully, seven times is six times too many
to hear that. We don't know for certain whether she's taken them away
somewhere or whether they're just lost at the zoo." 

'For six *hours*?' I wanted to retort, but I bit my tongue instead. Mulder
was right; we couldn't leap to conclusions and start panicking. Jacqueline
was responsible, and she wouldn't do anything to endanger the kids' lives. 

I'd been confident that we could trust Jacqueline, confident that the kids
would unhesitatingly choose to stay with us. But I felt my confidence
beginning to erode as I checked my watch again. I wandered into the kids'
bedroom and began to pack up my laptop. I'd sent them off in a hurry
before, with the usual hug, kiss, and hurried "have fun, be good" goodbye. 
What I hadn't considered was that I could have been saying goodbye forever.

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - JACQUELINE POV - 

Joshua fell asleep in my car on the way home. A rare occurance, Astrid was
quiet as she sat in the passenger seat, her fingers probing all the buttons
and dials, adjusting the air conditioning vents. She yawned. "Are we almost
there, Duckie?"  

"Almost there," I reassured, glancing in the rear-vision mirror to check
Josh. He was still curled up asleep on the back seat, the belt looped
around him loosely. 

"Do you like making choices, Duckie?" 

I glanced curiously across at Astrid, who was sitting staring at me,
frowning. "No, I don't," I admitted. "But sometimes we have to make a
choice, even if we know somebody we love is going to get hurt." 

Her lower lip trembled but she didn't cry. "I wish nobody had to be hurt,"
she whispered. 

"I wish that too," I agreed unhappily. "But the world isn't perfect." 

She fell silent again, staring out the window again until I pulled into a
parking space. "We're home, precious," I said softly, my voice strained
with emotion. We climbed out of the car slowly and I carried a sleeping
Joshua up the front steps, through the foyer, up the elevator and along the
hallway. The door wasn't locked and we slipped into the darkened apartment.
It was only as I lay Josh down on the couch that the silence was broken. 

"Welcome back." 

As my eyes began to adjust to the dark, I could just discern two human
forms on the other couch. It was Fox who had spoken; Dana was curled up
asleep beside him. I didn't respond to his statement, but released my grip
on Astrid's hand, idly watching as she pulled a blanket off the back of the
couch and draped it lovingly over Josh. 

"Where've you been?" 

"I took them for dinner," I lied. 

Fox showed no emotion at the response. "We were waiting for you to come
back. Wondering if you were going to." 

I opened my mouth to tell more lies but then closed it again. There was no
point in it; I'd been defeated, the game was over and lost. 
"We weren't going to," I admitted. "I took them to our new offices...
showed them everything. The labs, my quarters, their bedrooms..." 

"You'd prepared bedrooms for them?" 

I smiled regretfully. "Pink for Astrid and dinosaurs for Josh. They were
ready two weeks ago. I bought out half the local toy store." 

"And the kids saw all this?" He sounded curious, not vindictive, and I was
grateful for that. 

"All of it." 

"And then?" 

I stared down at where Josh lay asleep, a small huddle under the blanket.
Astrid had disappeared somewhere; the bathroom, I guessed, as I heard a tap
running through the wall. 
"And then," I sighed. "Joshua told me he wanted to go home." 

"What about Astrid?" 

"She agreed," I said quietly. "I'm not happy with the results, I have to
admit, but, as Dana said, it's the kids' choice. It's what they want that
matters." 

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

 - MULDER POV - 

We were victorious, but somehow I felt as though we'd lost. I could once
again rest in the security of family life, but Jacqueline, once again,
ended up with nothing. I felt I somehow owed her more. 
"I have my work." Her voice roused me from my guilt-ridden thoughts. I
wondered how she'd known what I was thinking. 

"Is that enough?" I had to ask. 

"It'll have to be, won't it?" she said flatly. 

"I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." And I was genuinely sorry. "But
I'm glad this is the outcome." 

"Me too." 

I stared at her. "Really?" 

She let out a short, dry laugh. "No, but I'm putting on a brave front." 
She stood. "I guess I'm finished here, then." Gazing around the room one
more time, she moved toward the door. "It's been good to see you again
Fox." 

"Wait - you're not going to say goodbye?" I was surprised and a little
angry. I couldn't watch the kids suffering again from not getting to say
goodbye. 

She shook her head. "I've already said goodbye to the kids." 

"What about Scully?"  

She smiled. "You still call her that? You need some serious lessons on
marriage etiquette." 

"What about her?" I persisted obstinantly.  

"Is there any point?" she asked, her tone suddenly dark again. 

"Why wouldn't there be?" 

"I took advantage of her trust. I almost kidnapped her kids." 

"Almost," I emphasized. "You owe it to her." 
Without waiting for an answer, I leant over Scully's sleeping face and
brushed my fingers lightly across her cheek. Remembering Jacqueline's
comment, I whispered, "Dana?" 

Scully stirred only slightly at first, then suddenly jolted awake and
upright, as though given an electric shock. "Is she back?" 

"I'm here." Jacqueline took a step closer. "Josh is asleep on the couch and
I can only assume Astrid went to bed like I told her to." 

"That would be a first," Scully muttered. Her gaze was travelling from me
to Jacqueline and back again as she assessed the situation. 

"I'm going home, now," Jacqueline explained awkwardly. "Fox just wanted me
to say goodbye." 

"Are you going to come back?" 

"No. I don't think that's a good idea." 

Scully nodded, looking relieved.  

Jacqueline paused, choosing words carefully. "I might see you some time,
though, when we open the clinic?" There was hope in her voice. 

"You might."  
I speculatively eyed the sudden, excited gleam in Scully's eyes. Who knew?
Maybe we could have our cake and eat it too. 
  

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- epilogue: MULDER POV - 

The opening of The C & R Moss Fertility Clinic, a multi-billion dollar
complex, was attended by the health minister, two senators and over eight
hundred employees and benefactors. We slipped in the back of the crowd,
Josh on Scully's shoulders and Astrid on mine. Jacqueline's perfectly
delivered speech made no mention of the facility's namesake, and I wondered
what had prompted her to name it after the parents she had killed out of
misguided hate. Guilt over their deaths? Some attempt to share with them
some of the success she had achieved only by building on their twenty years
of hard work?  
We left just after Jacqueline finished her speech, weaving our way out
through the large foyers which had been earlier filled with people, reading
through the large, graphical displays of the complex and advanced
procedures which would be available. I'd had a hard time tearing Scully
away from them when we first arrived. 
There was a large rack of pamphlets near the exit and I watched as Scully
surreptitiously snagged one as we went past, deftly folding it double and
slipping it in her pocket. She met my curious gaze and shrugged, smiling.
'Maybe' she mouthed.  
As the four of us stepped through the heavy glass doors and out into the
biting wind she was grinning. I smiled to myself. Yeah, maybe. 
  

T H E    E N D.